None of those things are helpful. He sighs. “It’s… it’s not all bad,” he offers. “Like you said, the guys on your team who know are cool with it. I had… I had Marco, through everything. I wouldn’t have made it without him.” When he gets home, he’s going to give his best friend thebiggesthug. “And I didn’t have… anyone. Like you do.”
“So you do have someone now.” A statement, not a question. Nick shrugs.
“That’s something for another night.” He is definitely not unpacking all that at 11 p.m. on a balcony in fucking Toronto. “But what I mean is… it’s notalllike this. But if I do what I do here, it’s enough to give me a reputation that spreads. It’s kept me safe. And… I don’t need to go that hard on it anymore, but I’ll be honest with you, Conn, at this point I don’t know how to stop.”
“Crisse,” Connor mutters, snorting derisively. “Look at us, eh?”
“Fuckin’ shining stars of the NHL.” Nick raises his glass in a mocking salute.
“I never thought I’d make it this far,” Connor says, after a long beat of silence. “Even before… I honestly didn’t think I’d get here. It had been my dream for so long I couldn’t imagine anything else, but I—I didn’t think I would actually make it. I just needed someone else to tell me I’d failed so I could stop. But then I was doing well in Fribourg and I had so many offers coming in so I decided to take a chance, and before I knew it I was here. An All-Star.”
“As a wise man once said,” Nick declares, “‘The years start comin’ and they don’t stop comin’.’”
Connor stares at him, incredulous, and then both of them break at once and they’re giggling like children, leaning against each other to stay upright. “Jesus, you’re an idiot,” Connor gasps once he catches his breath. Nick grins widely at him, pleased.
The silence stretches between them, both of them sitting in the depths of more understanding than they’ve maybe had at any point in their prior relationship.
Eventually, Nick clears his throat. “Will you stay?” he asks, quiet and hesitant. “Now that you’ve made it?” It’s entirely likely Connor has gotten to the NHL and discovered that it’s not actually what he wants at all, and when his contract is out he’ll walk and never look back. For some reason, the idea fills Nick with panic.
“I—I think so. As long as I can.” Connor nods determinedly, jaw set, and Nick can relax. “For all the shit surrounding it, I love the game. It’s the kind of hockey I always dreamed of playing, and I—I belong, on the ice.Webelong on the ice.” He reaches over, covering Nick’s free hand with his own. “Regardless of whether or not we belong in there.” He jerks a chin towards the closed doors, the party happening just fine without them.
It’s risky, to do it out here where anyone could walk out and see them, but it’s late and it’s dark and Nick’s entire heart is sitting right in the middle of his throat—so he turns his hand over and interlocks their fingers, gripping Connor’s hand tight.
“And hell,” Connor continues, the sharp kind of smirk on his face that always used to spell trouble, “if they try and tell me I don’t, once they learn too much, I can raise a whole lot of problems on my way out.” The smirk grows sharper. “Papa’s just waiting for the chance.”
A laugh blurts out of Nick’s chest as he imagines George LaPorte burning the NHL to the ground on behalf of his son.
It’s easier than imagining Connor standing up and doing the thing Nick has always feared he’d never be brave enough to do under his own power, in all of his NHL career.
Walk away.
Chapter Nineteen
[Image Description: Nick Tiernan and Matt Hudson sitting across a table from each other in a busy diner, burgers in front of each of them. It’s not a particularly romantic setting, but there are a few Valentine’s decorations around.]
@LadyLuckLilah: These two looking awfully cozy together on V-day
[Image Description: Nick Tiernan and Matt Hudson walking side by side down the Vegas strip; Tiernan is laughing.]
@TagMeInCoach: New boyfriend for @RiverSticksBand?
@JothLife_5: @LadyLuckLilah omg that’s @NicksTrix9. Is this a date??
@DesertDweller04: Wait so is Tiernan gay lol
@NicksTrix9: Sorry guys, didn’t realize that single people need to quarantine themselves on Feb 14th. Will do better next year xo
—Twitter, February 14th, 2023
The tweet feels like a mistake for at least an hour or so, but thankfully, the internet finds it hilarious—it sparks a whole debate about the bullshit commercialism of Valentine’s Day, rather than any scrutiny into who Nick’s spending it with.
All the same, Nick feels on edge for a couple of days after, justwaitingfor someone to make a remark. He’s surprised Bam-Bam doesn’t comment on it. Maybe he has—where Nick can’t hear him.
He’s got bigger things to worry about, anyway. They’ve survived back-to-back home games, both against tough opponents, but it wasn’t pretty: one loss and one OT win, and three of their players leaving with injuries that’ll have them out for at least a week. Nick is very much not looking forward to reshuffling lines, but it’ll be nice to give the rookies more responsibility and see how they handle the pressure.
For now, though, he has a much-needed rest day. He’s already been to the gym and had a talk with the coaches about their temporary new players, so the remainder of his day stretches aimlessly in front of him.
Well. Notthataimlessly.
