I breathe in through my nose and out my mouth.
Esme grabs my hands. “Talk to me.”
“It’s just stress about the show… and Giovanni…” I frown, completely scattered. I’m not sure if I want to share the agreement I made with him, but my throat strains around the words trying to escape. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this secret to myself.
Before I can give it any more thought, the words tumble out of me all at once. “Giovanni’s going to be my boyfriend, Es. Starting tomorrow.”
Esme freezes. Her eyes move from me to the ceiling, where they stay for a few moments.
After the shock subsides, she blinks at me. “I don’t know what I expected when I entered this bathroom, but it definitely wasn’tthis.” Her eyebrow raises. “Boyfriend as in he is aboythat is yourfriendnow? Or boyfriend as inboyfriend?”
“The latter, unfortunately,” I admit nervously.
Esme chews on her bottom lip. “Okay… I feel like I missed several very important pieces of news. Last I heard from Peyton, you were investigating whether or not he encouraged the vehicular manslaughter of New York’s elderly population. You gotta catch me up, Tess. I don’t know how to help.”
“You’re doing great.” I give a shaky smile.
She squeezes my hands supportively. “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”
I nod. “When I was a little girl, I always felt?—”
“Actually, why don’t we fast forward to the middle? I don’t know that I’m qualified to advise on the inner child stuff.”
“It always starts with the childhood trauma, though,” I add, grabbing a piece of toilet paper to catch a bead of sweat dripping down my temple before tossing it in the trash. “Okay. So, Giovanni and I are leaving tomorrow for Brescia.”
Still holding my hand, she says, “Yeah, I meant to ask you why you’re not taking the same flights as the crew.”
“Well, we kind of worked out an arrangement.”
“Um… an—” Esme exaggeratedly winks twice, “—arrangement? Because if so, I love that journey for you. Get yours, girl. I always thought he was kind of hot.”
My mouth drops in horror. “No.God, no. None of that.”
Her eyes light up with curiosity. “Tell me more—no, tell meeverything. How long do you think we have in here before an angry PR rep kicks us out?”
“We’repretendingto date, actually. For one week.” I release a long exhale. “It’s just… I’m not making any progress with my own line or even with my short-term career goals. I feel stuck. You know how I hate relying on other people, but Giovanni offered his tailoring services for my debut line at no cost. Obviously, it’s impossible to pass up. But, in exchange for the services, I have to help placate his parents. They’ve been worried he’s miserable in New York, and he’s been lying to them, and… It’s just a hard pill to swallow, because I wish I didn’t have toowesomeone just to successfully bring my own designs to life. Between Lamont, Giovanni, and…” I hesitate, thinking of my father, but not really wanting to get into all ofthatwith Esme. “Andother people, I feel like they take what they need and then dismiss me.”
“Ah, so that’s why we’re hiding in this bathroom.”
“Yeah. I guess reality hit me. The end of the pinnacle of my career so far. The uncertainty clouding my future. The nerves surroundinghim.”
Esme nods. “Here’s what I think. It’s normal to have all of those feelings. Your crash-out is completely valid. But it sounds like the long-term impact this could have on your career is a great thing. I think it’s a smart choice, honestly.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’ll be fine, Tess. It’s only a week of pretending.”
She makes it sound so easy. Maybe Esme’s right, and I’m overthinking this. I hold out my arms. “I think I’m ready for that hug now.”
Esme wraps me up in her arms, somehow lifting my six-feet-tall body a few inches off the ground. My feet dangle, and it feels kind of nice to be held as a tall?—
Her knees buckle and she drops me, causing me to tumble to the tile. She starts cracking up as I mentally add the incomingbruise on my ass to the ongoing tally of wounds I’ve acquired in Italy.
Her cackles are interrupted by loud knocking on the bathroom door.
“Tèssa? Are you okay? I saw you go in there, and you looked upset, and I just heard a big noise…”
Dear Lord.
