“I thought I kept that door closed for both of us, Tessie.”
My words come out low and soft. “I realize now that it was the wrong choice, to stay connected with him. It just took me a long time to get there.”
“How long?” he whispers.
I bite the inside of my cheek. “Hm?”
“When did you start talking to him again?”
I swallow, averting my eyes. “I, um, never stopped.”
“Fuck.” His voice is so hoarse, so unlike him, that I tilt my chin up to meet his gaze.
My heart stumbles as I watch his eyes mist over.
“Daniel, I’m so sorry. I promise I never told him anything specific about you or gave him any of your new contact details, no matter how much he asked.” It’s still hard to keep the bitter,hurt note out of my voice when I admit Dad’s calls always revolved around Daniel. “I know you probably feel betrayed by me speaking with him behind your back, and I’m asking for your forgiveness.”
He shakes his head. “Me, betrayed by you? What thefuck, Tessie? I’m devastated. I’m devastated you felt you couldn’t come to me about this. I’m devastated that I haven’t been enough for you. I should’ve done more. I should’ve been at home more with you, for longer…”
My stomach drops, tears gathering in my lashline. “Whoa.No. You weremorethan enough for me. I don’t know how I would’ve even become who I am today without you. You and Mom… You made me feel special. Loved.”
“Then why did you reach out to him?”
I sniffle. “It’s just… You got years with him, Daniel. He taught you football, and that became your whole life. He played with you. He tucked you in at night, he?—”
Tears slide down his cheeks. “Itucked you in at night. I tucked you in, Tessie. I didn’t want you to ever feel?—”
“And I didn’t. I had everything I needed. I…” I trail off, not sure how to express what I feel, so I start back at the beginning. “He taughtyoufootball. And he taughtmehow easy I am to abandon.”
He sucks in a sharp breath and lifts his shoulder to catch a tear dripping off his chin.
I reach for his hand across the table. “It was never a matter ofwhatI was missing. Because I wasn’t missing anything. You and Mom filled every space you could with care.” I take a deep breath. “It was thewhy. Why could he walk away from me that easily? Why—” My voice cracks as a few tears slip free before I can stop them.
Daniel wipes a hand down his face in agony. When he meets my gaze again, his words come out ragged and raw withemotion. “Don’t youdarecarry his failure on your back. He left because that’s who heis. Not because of who you are. I wish I could reach into your head and pull the lies you’ve been telling yourself right out of it. You don’t get to take any of his blame. Notmyfucking sister.”
“I know. I know,” I whisper, feeling especially fragile. “I just didn’t knowhowto be strong enough to accept it as truth. And… I want you to know I blocked him this morning. I didn’t even send a text—I’m done.”
“I’m proud of you. That took a lot of courage.” He squeezes my hand on the table. “I know you’remylittle sister, but I really look up to you. I always have. You, Mom, Gracie, Mae.” His voice cracks. “I’ve been surrounded by strong women my entire life. You’ve mademewho I am. And all I want to do is continually return the favor.”
I’m a mess. Reaching for a tissue in my purse, I dab at my cheeks, desperately trying to regain some sense of control over my emotions.
Daniel grabs a napkin and wipes at his eyes. “And if you ever feel like you need something, you can lean on the people you love for support, because we’ll always be there for you. Mom, Gracie, me…” He pauses, raising an eyebrow. “Anyone else on that list now?”
I cough, fearing that the subject has moved into another risky territory. “Um, yeah.”
Daniel grins. “I knew it.”
“Oh, fuckallthe way off.”
“No one talks about someone else that much without being secretly into them. I would know. When Gracie and I were apart for The Decade That Shall Not Be Named, I used to talk about her all the time. Mostly in my head. But… same thing.”
I snort. “You are one shade away from creepy about her on any given day. You know that, right?”
He rolls his eyes. “Please. For how much you complained about Giovanni over the years, he should really have a restraining order against you.”
My shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Maybe we’re more similar than we think sometimes.”
Daniel gives my hand another squeeze. “Thank you for the compliment, Tessie.”
