Logan
Both body and mind balked at the events unfolding before me—Willow and Lucas reunited, in each other’s arms once again.
Jesus Christ. No matter how much I’d prepared myself for this exact moment over the last few days, nothing could have truly prepared me for how I would feel watching it play out in real time.
It was excruciating. It was enough to send someone straight into madness. To make someone do something they’d definitely regret. It was enough to make me wonder if I might understand my father,and what he’d done, far better than ever before. Because the thought of losing Willow to my brother had turned my mind to a very dark place.
“I still can’t believe it,” Lucas said, pressing a kiss to the top of Willow’s head, and another to her forehead. “We’re all alive. We’re all together again.”
Crazy was the least of it. Sheer fucking insanity better described the events over the last week and a half. From the moment we’d arrived at Everdeen, straight through till now, I’d been existing inside some sort of hellish psychosis—trapped somewhere between the joy of finding my brother alive… and wishing he would have stayed dead.
“And look at this place—curtains and carpets. Paintings on the wall.” Lucas gestured to the wall of paintings Willow had salvaged. “It’s so homey. Who decorated? You, Willow?”
As they continued to embrace, I was tracking his hands—one hand was ruffling through her hair while the other toyed with the fraying pocket on the back of her jeans. A wave of heat rose in my throat.Mine—the lone word pounded through me like a battering ram, despite knowing better. Willow wasn’t mine; she never had been. Willow had always belonged to Lucas, and vice versa.
Even knowing that, I still wanted to break his fingers.Every. Single. Fucking. One.
I shot out of my seat, stalking toward the door. I had to get out of there, away from them, before I imploded. “I’m hungry,” I bit out. “I’m going to grab something from the dining hall.”
“Wait up,” Lucas said. “Why don’t we all go? I’m starving—Willow, you hungry?”
Willow, who’d untangled herself from Lucas, was glancing awkwardly between us. “I guess so,” she mumbled.
“Great,” I muttered miserably. “Let’s all go.”
All eyes were on us as we entered the dining hall, the din of noise dropping as everyone turned in their seats to stare.
Lucas was oblivious; he was still reeling from seeing Willow again and marveling over all the make-do machinery in camp. Meanwhile, all the unwanted attention had caused Willow to pale. Her steps unsteady, she looked as if she might pass out at any second. I fought the urge to grab her—I’d been fighting that urge since the moment I’d seen her. To grab her and kiss her and tell her how fucking sorry I was for leaving her—a decision I’d regretted since finding Lucas alive.
“You’ll have to forgive everyone, Lucas,” Leisel announced, standing from her seat. “We’re not usually so rude.”
“Please, join us,” she continued, gesturing to the empty seats at her table. “And let me formally welcome you to Silver Lake. I know that I speak for everyone here when I say that we’re so happy you’ve been reunited with Logan and Willow. I know I’d give anything to find someone I loved alive and well,as would anyone else here.” Sending a pointed look around the room, curious expressions instantly shifted to somber nods of agreement and individual conversations quickly resumed.
“This place is great,” Lucas said around a mouthful of food—a vegetable stew that I hadn’t touched. “Ant told me there was another camp but he never mentioned how good you guys have it. Everdeen is still using outhouses.” Shoveling another spoonful of stew into his mouth, he said. “And after what that horde did…”
Our group had reached Everdeen with more than enough time to help evacuate the small community; however, we weren’t able to prevent the dead from trampling through it, leaving a considerable amount of damage in their wake.
“Of course, we’ll be helping in whatever way we can,” Joshua murmured. “I’ve already spoken to Marcus—we’ll be sending our next trading party with as many supplies as we can spare—free of charge.”
“That’s awesome,” Lucas said, nodding. “Maybe I’ll go back and help—you could come, Willow. And meet everyone.”
Willow and I glanced up at the same time. The thought of her leaving… the thought that I might never see her again… I felt instantly sick.
“Oh, um, yeah. That would be… great.” Willow resumed poking at her stew, not actually eating any of it. I found myself scrutinizing her, noting the weight she’d lost since I’d left.
“You should eat something,” I growled softly.
Willow’s eyes widened in my direction before blinking back to her plate. “I’m just not very hungry,” she mumbled.
“You’re not eating,again,” I accused, just a little too loudly, and a little too angrily, drawing the attention of everyone in earshot. Again Willow’s eyes shot to mine, wide and full of accusation, and I cursed inwardly, biting down on the inside of my lip. I hadn’t meant to scold her.
“I think she looks great,” Lucas said, smiling at Willow. “And I’m glad to see some things never change.” Looking to Leisel, he chuckled. “They’re always fighting, right? I can’t even remember a time when they didn’t.”
To her credit, Leisel’s expression gave nothing away. Smiling and nodding, she said, “They’ve definitely had their share of disagreements.”
“I can’t even imagine what it was like without me to play referee. These two fight about everything—they literally invent stuff to fight about!” Laughing heartily, Lucas grabbed hold of one of Willow’s hands, threading his fingers through hers and tucking their joined hands in his lap while I fought back a surge of envy and rage so potent I was temporarily breathless.
Uncomfortable laughter tittered around the table; even Willow was forcing a smile. I couldn’t seem to do anything but sit frozen in my seat and try not to throw my plate of food across the room.
