“Willow,” he said, once my tears had quieted. “Jesus Christ, I hate doing this to you right now, but I have to go.”
I glanced up sharply. “What? Gowhere?”
Logan sighed heavily. “I have to go back out there. Leisel is putting a team together to help find the others—she needs someone to show them where everything happened.”
Backing away from his arms, I blinked furiously. “No, no fucking way,” I said, swiping angrily at my tear-stained cheeks. “You were just out there—tell her to find someone else!”
He shook his head. “It has to be me. She wants to recover Davey’s body—if we can—and then see if we can locate Xavi’s team.”
I glared at him, jaw clenched, my sore muscles straining to the point of pain. We’d barely survived the first two rounds with the horde and he wanted to go for a third? Did he have a death wish?
“Please don’t do this.” I said those four words with so much force that they shook as they left me.
“I don’t have a choice,” he said. “It’s either me, you or Joe, and Joe just hacked off Britta’s foot, and you’re barely standing as it is.”
“You’re never going to stop, are you?” I bit out. “You’re always going to be like this, aren’t you?”
“What the fuck, Willow—be likewhat?”
“Like this!” I shouted, desperation mixed with fury and fear unfurling in my belly. “Always having to save the day. Always having to take charge of everything. Never thinking about how anyone else feels.Not caring how anyone else feels!”
Logan went momentarily slack-jawed before his mouth snapped shut and his eyes flashed with fire. “What the fuck is wrong with you? They need my help—I’m going to help them.”
“I need you, too!” I shouted. “I need you here and alive but that doesn’t matter to you, does it? You’re just going to go back out there, not giving a shit about how I feel!”
“How can you be so selfish?” he demanded.
My eyes widened with renewed rage. “I’m selfish because I don’t want you todie?I’m selfish because we just lost Davey and we might lose Britta, and if I lose you too, then I don’t know what the fuck I’ll do!”
“No,” Logan growled. “You’re selfish because you don’t want me to help—because you want me to stay here like a goddamn coward when I should be out there trying to stop more people from dying!”
“Why do you always have to be the fucking hero?Why can’t you be selfish for a change?” Furious tears fell from my eyes and I angrily swiped them away.
“I’m not trying to be a hero! But I’m not going to be a coward either. Not for you, not for anyone.” Logan squeezed his eyes shut, regaining control of his temper with a growl and a quick shake of his head. “Look,” he gritted out. “Please understand… I’m just trying to do the right thing—for us, and for Silver Lake, too.
“I’ll be back,” he continued, drawing closer. “I promise you.” He reached for me and I flinched away, my eyes and nostrils flaring as I fought against another wave of tears.
“Willow—Jesus Christ—I’ve got to go.” Scrubbing a hand over his face, Logan began moving toward the door. “Stay with Britta—I’ll be back before you know it.” He paused with one hand on the handle, looking as if he wanted to say something more… do something more.
Glaring at him through narrowed, tear-filled eyes, I resisted the urge to run to him—to continue begging him to stay. With one last, lingering look, Logan let the door shut behind him. I remained where I stood, my feet rooted to the floor, still staring after him long after he’d left. Hoping that, at any moment, he would burst through the door, having changed his mind.
But also, silently adding his name to my growing list of prayers.
Later that evening, I found myself standing outside Doc’s cabin, my gaze on the darkening sky above, visually tracing the dim outline of the moon in the distance. Night was fast approaching and yet no one from either team had returned—Xavi’s or Leisel’s.
The realization that they could all be dead right now, that they could have been killed or worse, while I waited for news that might never come, had settled in my gut like an iron fist. Every breath felt like fire, every beat of my heart felt like the crush of an anvil.
Why hadn’t I hugged Logan goodbye? Why had I yelled at him instead of telling him to be careful? Why did I do any of the things I did? Logan was right—I was selfish. Selfish, stupid, and mean.
“Willow!” Cassie hurried along the path. “Can you believe all this?” she said tearfully. “No one has come back yet and Davey…Davey’s gone. First Hank and now Davey” Wringing her hands together, she shook her head. “And Britta… my god, how is Britta?”
Floundering for a response, I mumbled, “I don’t really know. I think she’ll be okay. I mean, Joe took off her foot really fast, and Doc thinks the blood loss may have helped keep the virus out of her system.” I shrugged helplessly. “And she said her newest batch of antibiotics are even better than the previous ones—stronger, or something…” I trailed off as Cassie’s eyes filled with fresh tears.
“Oh god, poor Britta,” Cassie cried out softly, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh that poor, poor woman.”
I said nothing more—what else was there to say? In truth, I didn’t know if Joe had taken off her foot in time, nor did I know if Doc’s antibiotics would be powerful enough to stop a secondary infection from taking root.
“Did you know that Britta was the one to bring me to Silver Lake?” Cassie gazed across camp, wiping tears from her cheeks. “She found me hiding in my old RV. The engine had blown and I’d been sitting there on the side of a road in the middle of nowhere for nearly two weeks, out of food and wondering what the heck I was going to do. My wife… well, I’d lost her recently… and then after the RV died, I was just about ready to throw in the towel, you know what I mean?
