As the sun continued to rise and its reflection in the lake turned the water to liquid silver, I found my thoughts straying back to Willow. “Nope,” I muttered, shaking free. I wouldn’t be thinking about Willow; I was absolutely one hundred percent not at all going to think about Willow. And I definitely wouldn’t be going after her. She was on her own this time. Good fucking riddance.
“Shit,” I muttered, rubbing the heel of my palm over my chest. Of course I had to go after her. She was going to get herself killed if I didn’t. Sighing, I turned to leave.
“Logan!” On the beach, Leisel was fast approaching. “I need a word!”
“Jesus Christ.” I scrubbed my hands over my face; there was certainly no shortage of mothers in Silver Lake.
“I heard you and Willow had a fight.”
“Yeah, I’m guessing everyone heard,” I muttered. “Hope they enjoyed the fucking show.”
“Logan, fighting is normal; it’s human nature,” she continued. “It’s not the fighting that worries me. It’s the level of anger… Logan, I’ve been watching you these past weeks, the way you interact with others, the way you talk to Willow, especially. You’ve got a lot of pent-up anger inside of you.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not like that. Willow and I, we’ve just always been like this.”
“You’ve always been like what?” she asked.
I kept shaking my head, growing angrier with each passing second. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, let alone Leisel, and I definitely didn’t want to have to explain myself or the complexities of Willow’s and my… relationship, for lack of a better word.
“Like what, Logan?” Leisel pressed. “Explain it to me.”
“Jesus Christ, okay. We’re just like… like…this!” I made an all-encompassing gesture. “We fight all the time and can’t fucking stand each other. We only put up with each other because of Luke.”
“And Luke is… your brother,” Leisel said slowly, “who’s gone.”
Gone—I fucking hated that goddamn word. It felt too final and yet inexplicably incomplete at the same time. “Yes,” I replied tightly.
Leisel sighed. “You and Willow have obviously been through a lot together, and from where I’m standing, it looks like you care a great deal about her. I don’t think very many people would go through what you did to save someone they didn’t care about.
“But look, you don’t need to like Willow. Like her, don’t like her, that doesn’t really matter. Certainly not to me. How you treat her though, now that speaks volumes about the sort of man you are.”
“What is this?” I demanded. “What exactly is happening here? Are you psychoanalyzing me or are you trying to tell me it’s time for me to go?”
“I might tell you it’s time to go,” she replied. “If I ever feel like you pose a threat to Silver Lake.”
“And what about Willow?” I snarled, “Will she be getting the same speech or was this just for me?”
“There it is again,” Leisel calmly replied. “Logan, why are you so angry? Do you even know?”
“I’ve got a better question—why aren’tyouangry?”
Leisel smiled, looking genuinely amused. “Oh, I was,” she said, laughing a little. “I was more than angry even. I’d lost everyone I’d ever cared about, one by one, until I’d ended up completely alone, not knowing how I was going to survive. Not knowingifI wanted to survive.”
“Join the fucking club. There isn’t anyone alive today that hasn’t lost everything.”
“True,” she said. “But it’s how we deal with our losses that set us apart. And from what I can tell, and from what Doc has mentioned to me, you aren’t dealing with yours. And that makes you dangerous. I’ve told you before, that this place and these people are everything to me. If I’m to let you continue on here, then I need to know you’re not a UXO.”
I blinked at her. “I don’t know what the fuck that is.”
“It’s a bomb,” she said, still so infuriatingly calm. “It’s a bomb that hasn’t detonated yet, making it dangerous to everyone around it.”
“You thinkI’ma bomb?” I might have laughed if it wasn’t for her serious expression.
I wasn’t a bomb. I was the cautious one, the one who didn’t take risks and who kept everyone safe. Who always did the perimeter checks; who rationed our food and water, and who always remembered to set the water buckets out. Who reminded everyone to sharpen their blades and keep their socks dry and keep their voices down. I was always the careful one; it was Willow who was foolish, who was reckless and wild, careless and carefree, and selfish to a fault.
“Maybe,” Leisel replied. “You tell me.”
“Jesus Christ!” I spat. “I don’t know what you want from me right now. To admit that I’mmaybea bomb?” I threw my arms wide. “Sure, maybe I’m a fucking bomb—happy now? But as far as I can see, Willow is the one always holding the fuse, while I’m left to clean up her messes!”
