She swallowed, her throat visibly convulsing while her hands continued to tremble. Several strands of graying hair fell free from her bun. Seeming distracted, she reached up to brush them away. “I was saving these,” she said, her unfocused eyes beginning to glisten. “For a child or one of the women, someone who really needed them. Don’t do this, E, don’t take ’em from someone who needs them.”
Rage flooded me, instantly filling my body with adrenaline, and it took every last ounce of sanity I had left in me to not beat this woman senseless. Something was wrong with me. Ever since Wildcat had shown up bearing an all-too-familiar face, a face I hadn’t wanted to remember, I’d become less focused, unhinged even.
“Woman,” I gritted out. “Give. Me. Those. Pills.” My words were clipped and nearly inaudible as I spat them free through clenched teeth.
“Monster,” she said in a low voice, gazing up at me with a mixture of horror and rage. “What have you done to deserve them more than anyone else? What makes you so special? Are your losses worth more than ours? Do your tragedies trump the rest of us?”
Tell her!the voice taunted.Tell her what you did to us! Show her what a monster you truly are.
Control temporarily evaded me, my rage still steadily rising. Reaching out, I gripped her throat. Her eyes bulged in surprise as her hands flew to my wrist, pawing at me weakly, but her strength was no match for mine.
“You think you’re better than me?” I growled, squeezing and smirking as she gasped for air. “You think because I was the one in that ring while you stood outside of it that I’m more of an animal than you are?”
Lowering my head, I brought the old woman nose to nose with me. “You’re lying to yourself. You’ve lived good here off those fights, off the blood I spilled. I saw you there, cheering from the sidelines, placing bets and making deals. All that blood you seem to think is only on my hands, that’s on you too. That’s on all of us.”
“I ... don’t ... hurt ... people,” she said, wheezing.
“Give me the pills!” I shouted, shaking her. “Give me the fucking pills before I pop your head straight off your shoulders!”
My body twitching, my muscles tense and rippling beneath my skin, I began to squeeze her throat. It was a gradual increase of pressure, as I was still fighting with myself to maintain some sense of control. But it was a losing battle, and I was a lost cause.
Her eyes popping, her face now an unhealthy shade of red, Grannie stopped clawing at my wrist and began frantically digging around in her shirt. Temporarily distracted, I loosened my grip, watching as she pulled free a dirty and battered pill bottle from inside her top and held it up in the air, shaking it. With my free hand, I snatched it from her grip, then released her with a hard shove.
She stumbled backward, her hands flying to her throat as she gulped in deep, wheezing breaths of air. Her feet tangled in several piles of stacked clothing and she lost her footing, falling backward into the canvas wall. Dazed, her breathing still ragged and hoarse, she blinked up at me through tear-filled eyes.
“You reap what you sow,” I ground out as I slipped the bottle inside my denim jacket. “None of us is innocent, and sooner or later we’ll all get what’s coming to us.”
Turning, I left the tent and headed straight into the heart of the marketplace. Already midday, the sun high in the sky, the strip was flooded with people. The cooking barrels had been lit for lunchtime and the scent of smoked meat hung heavy in the hot air, drawing an even bigger crowd. Tents and tables lined the walkways, stacked high with pillaged junk, the vendors loudly hawking their wares while others milled around, bartering and trading.
Music was playing from somewhere, a low bass beat that rippled below the cacophony of voices, reaching me and causing me to pause mid-step. Momentarily faltering, I stood there in the midst of the crowd, recognizing the song. Then, for some inexplicable reason, I closed my eyes, and the action heightened my other senses.
The sun beat down on the back of my neck, warming me. Voices, both loud and soft, blended together into a solid murmur of sound. And the music, the beat, a steadythump-thump,pounded in time with my own rapid heartbeat, a sensation I could feel throughout my body.
It felt ... standing here with my eyes closed, it sounded almost ... almost as if ...
“Eagle.”
My eyes opened, revealing Liv standing before me, her thin brows raised in question as a smirk tilted her lips.
“What are you doing?”
I stared at her a moment, pissed off that she’d interrupted me, even more pissed off that it was Liv who had interrupted ... whatever it was that I’d been doing.
“Is your temper tantrum over?” she continued flippantly. “Because I don’t have time—”
My anger flared to life and I grabbed her, much like I’d grabbed Grannie. Only instead of taking her throat, I gripped her arm and shoved her forward, forcing her roughly through the throng of people, turning her quickly between two nearby buildings and finally around a darkened and quiet corner chock-full of metal bins filled with trash waiting to be burned.
I hated Liv, hated her with every fucking fiber of my being. But hating her had less to do with her and everything to do with me. She was the living, breathing embodiment of everything I hated about myself. Her very presence forced me to come face-to-face with the man I’d become, with the loss of the man I’d never be again. For that reason alone I enjoyed hurting her, more so than anyone else.
Fucking her had just been a bonus. Because for some fucked-up reason, I now equated sex with pain. You couldn’t seem to have one without the other, or maybe I just didn’t want one without the other.
Lately, though, I hadn’t just been hating her. I’d been wishing her dead.
“Shut up,” I growled and shoved her face-first against the concrete wall, using my body to keep her pinned there. Taking a handful of her hair, I yanked her head back until she was gazing up at me with gleaming eyes. Her breathing hitched, causing her chest to rise and her small breasts to bulge from the plunging neckline of her shirt.
“Fuck you,” she whispered, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. “Make me.”
“What’s with all the visits, Olivia?” I sneered, giving her hair a hard tug. “Is Jeffers not fucking you more than usual?”
