“What if you have kids someday?” he asks. “You don’t want them to have a grandfather?”
I shrug. “That will be up to him, how much he’s willing to sacrifice for that relationship. Lots of the guys have kids and some of them run around that clubhouse like it’s their own personal playground. My kids won’t, though. That’s how little boys get sucked into following in their fathers’ footsteps and little girls learn their place.”
“We’re not all lucky enough to have family,” he says. “I wish I had a dad who was willing to compromise. To even have a chance at being a grandfather, but that’ll never happen. At least your dad tries.”
“And that’s why I haven’t cut him off.” I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. “It’s hard to explain the dynamic to an outsider. Until you’ve lived it, seen it all firsthand, you can’t understand the depth of their loyalty to each other. It would be admirable if it extended to the rest of us but it doesn’t. Not really.”
“Your father didn’t hesitate to come to the hospital the night you were attacked.”
“In an emergency, of course. But try asking him to Sunday dinner. Or to go on vacation together like normal people. He won’t go anywhere without his cut unless he absolutely has to. Usually for safety reasons. That piece of leather defines him.”
“Did you ever think about therapy?” he asks. “You know, to talk through these feelings about your dad and the club?”
“I did for a while, and that’s why we have the tenuous relationship we do.” I turn onto my side. “Do we have to keep talking about my dad?”
He rumbles out a laugh. “What would you rather talk about?”
“I’d rather not talk.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Landon
Getting back to California feels off because we can’t go home. Not to her house or mine. It’s a strange feeling to be displaced, even though it’s temporary. We’re going to hole up at Rage’s apartment while he moves into mine. I don’t worry about him in general—he can more than take care of himself—but I don’t like the idea that he might be attacked because someone mistakes him for me.
Our hope is that they’ll leave him alone if they’re watching him, once they realize that he isn’t me. They might assume I moved or have a guest or maybe even sublet my apartment short-term. I don’t particularly care about their trains of thought, but it felt weird sleeping with Allora in Rage’s bed last night.
Not that we did much sleeping.
I have to admit it’s been a while since I’ve been with a woman with her voracious sexual appetite. Part of me worries this is an overreaction to her rape, that she’s taking back her power by going too far in the other direction, but of all the things thatconcern me about her mental health, our sex life isn’t really one of them.
Our physical attraction isn’t just electric—it’s impossible to ignore. I’m positive we would’ve had the same connection if we’d met any other way.
Because I’m already thinking about the future, when this is all over.
When we can decide where we want to live. There’s no way we’re going to live apart even after the danger is past. We’re way beyond dating at this point, and the only way forward is in a relationship.
Will she want me to move into her place since it’s bigger than mine, on the beach, and paid for? Or would she want to move and buy something together? That’s something I have to figure out because I still have to decide if I want to buy into Shadow Security. If I do, it’ll be a substantial chunk of my investments, and since I don’t want to touch my retirement account, we’d have to wait to buy something together.
And there are so many other things I want to do.
I haven’t traveled much for pleasure. There are places I want to see and adventures that would be more fun with Allora than by myself. It occurs to me I didn’t do a lot of the things on my list because I didn’t have the right person to share the experiences with, and now I do.
I’ve also always wanted a motorcycle. A Harley-Davidson to be precise. I always had them when I was younger but with as much as I was gone in the military, it seemed ridiculous to keep one at home, rusting away in a garage somewhere. But this might be the time to think about that again.
I’m probably jumping the gun.
I have no idea what she wants with regard to the future and it seems selfish to bring it up with the current situation.
But she’s mine.
That’s all there is to it.
“Okay, let’s get started.” Daniil is sitting at the end of the conference room table, Courtney on his right, me on his left.
We’re finally having the all-hands meeting we never had three weeks ago when I stumbled onto Allora’s kidnapping.
She’s actually at the front desk, answering the phones. Luna could do it remotely but Allora insisted, saying she’d like to feel useful. Luna showed her how to use the phone system, and she has instructions to take messages unless someone insists it’s urgent. Then everything is funneled to Courtney or Daniil.
