I don’t respond right away because I know what he’s asking. He knows they beat me, gave me a black eye and bruised my ribs, but that’s not the part he’s talking about.
He’s asking about the sexual element.
What they did when they raped me.
“I fought,” I say finally, the words giving me a chill despite being latched on to Landon’s warm body. “And they wanted me tostopfighting.” I swallow. “So they could enjoy it. That’s how I got the black eye. And the split lip.” I’m suddenly a little nauseated and I pull in a few shaky breaths before continuing. “They threatened to…do anal if I didn’t stop resisting.” Saying the words out loud for the first time make tears prick my eyelids and I squeeze them shut.
“Shh. You’re safe now,” he whispers against my temple, his arms tightly wrapped around me. “They can’t hurt you. But you can tell me anything. And once you do, you’re setting that particular pain free.”
Tears leak out of my eyes as I continue. “It hurt because I was tense. And dry. And furious. And they took such a long time…”
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry.” He lifts a hand to stroke my hair.
“And then when Vito finished, he laughed and said something like, ‘not the best I’ve ever had but at least her cunt is tight.’ Baron didn’t even wait, he just picked right up where Vitoleft off. At that point, I’d given up, so I just laid there and…let them.”
“Of course, you did!” His voice is quiet but filled with understanding. “You were in survival mode.”
“They didn’t stop,” I whisper, a soft sob escaping me. “I don’t even know how many times. I just remember—” I stop abruptly. The memory comes back out of nowhere and I blink a few times.
“What?” he asks quickly. “What did you remember?”
“Vito said ‘he said we could do whatever we wanted as long as we didn’t get her pregnant or cause permanent damage.’” I tilt up my head. “They used the term ‘he said.’ And I don’t think they’re talking about the boss because every other time they referenced him they called him that—the boss. This seemed…different.”
“A specific buyer,” he murmurs. “Someone wanted you. Not a random blond but you specifically.”
I shudder. “Which means he mightstillwant me. And they’ll try again and again until he gets me.”
I feel him stiffen and his voice is stern when he speaks. “What did I tell you about that?”
“That doesn’t help!” I whisper harshly. “Because in the scenario where they get to me, it means you’re dead!”
“Do you know how many people have tried to kill me?” he asks gruffly. “A lot. More than I can count. And I’m still here.”
“Yes but you weren’t…” I cut myself off because I almost called him mine.
“I wasn’t what?” he presses, adjusting our positions so he can stare into my eyes.
“Nothing.” I shake my head but he grips my chin with two fingers.
“Say it.”
I hesitate but then shrug slightly. “You weren’t mine then.”
The room is deathly quiet other than the sound of the air conditioning humming in the background.
“I know technically that’s not accurate but—” I try to back pedal but he puts two fingers over my lips.
“Shush. Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Try to take it back. Because you said it and you meant it.”
“I did,” I admit. “But it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I’m allowed to feel how I feel.”
“Did I say I don’t feel the same way?” he counters.
“No, but you didn’t say you did either.”
