But I’m supposed to be working.
And my boss is here.
Courtney isn’t technically my boss—that’s not the hierarchy she and Daniil set up at the company and we’re also family—but if someone has to make a final decision, it’s either her or Daniil. When they first opened the company, they offered to let me buy a stake in it. I haven’t done it yet because I’m not a fan of permanence.
I’ve never been interested in being tied down, whether it’s to a place or a person or even a job. That’s why both the military and private security have worked well for me, allowing me to move around, travel, and rarely do the same job twice.
I didn’t tell them that, of course. I made it sound like my money was tied up in investments I couldn’t easily pull out on short notice. That part is true, but I could get my hands on it if I really wanted to.
I just haven’t been sure I do.
Do I want to be a part owner? Do I want to commit to Shadow Security for essentially the foreseeable future? I worked for Westfield & Carruthers for more than five years, so it’s not like I change jobs every few months. But it was different there. It wasn’t personal like it is now.
That was one of the things we were going to talk about at the meeting I was on my way to when I ran into Allora, and it hasn’t come up again. But I know Daniil and Courtney well enough to know they haven’t forgotten. And neither have I. I just hope I have a little more time to figure out what to do. The truth is, I haven’t given it a second thought until just now.
Allora is having an animated conversation with a well-known model, her demeanor as carefree as I’ve seen it since I met her. It gives me a little time to watch without hovering, even though I’m supposed to be her date tonight.
“She’s beautiful,” Courtney murmurs, startling me.
“She is,” I agree casually.
She playfully digs her elbow into my ribs. “You like her.”
“What’s not to like?” I ask in a reasonable tone.
“Don’t play games with me, big brother. I see the way you look at her.”
“How do I look at her?” I ask drolly.
“Like you’ve never looked at any other woman.”
“You and I spent many, many years apart,” I hedge. “How would you know how I look at women?”
“Come on, why are you being cagey? It’s okay to like her.”
I nod. “I know. But this isn’t the right time for either of us. She’s going through…a lot. And I’m trying to get a foothold on a new job.”
“Bullshit. I mean, she is going through a lot, for sure, but that other thing you said is nonsense. You just don’t want to set down roots and I’m here to tell you it’s time. Maybe not with her, but definitely with Shadow Security.”
It’s like she can read my mind sometimes.
It’s annoying.
But she loves me and only wants what’s best for me.
If only I knew what that was.
“I like having the freedom—and plenty of cash—to do whatever I want.”
“In theory, sure. But in practice? What do you do that’s impulsive? You work a lot of hours and spend your free time with me and Micah. Which I love, don’t get me wrong. But don’t you want something of your own?”
Do I?
This isn’t the place for a conversation like this but if I’m honest, there will never be a good time or place to discuss the idea of me settling down. I’ve avoided it my entire life. Not out of fear or unwillingness, but more because I never felt the pull, so if that’s my attitude, why would any woman settle for that? Or me.
“Does she return your feelings?” she asks when I don’t answer her question.
“It’s been two weeks,” I reply. “Any feelings are related to trauma and protectiveness. We haven’t had the opportunity to dig into anything deeper.”
