“Nah, I grew up back east. Just outside of Philadelphia. But I’ve moved around a bit between the military and then working for my old firm. It was based in Vegas but most of my clients were in L.A. so I thought it made more sense to be local.”
“I bought my condo in Oceanside because I love the water and it’s close to where I grew up. I don’t know that I’d ever want to leave Southern California, to be honest. The weather, the beach…I love it here.”
“I’ve never really felt a pull like that,” he admits. “Home is wherever I lay my head at night. Now that Courtney is married and has a family, that’s changing. I like living close to her, being in my nephew’s life. We didn’t have much of a family growing up so this is nice.”
“I’ve been alone since my mom died,” I say quietly. “I have my dad but you already know we’re not close. And I don’t have any interest in the club, which means it’s just me and a small group of friends.”
“No extended family?”
“They’re all involved in the club.” I shrug.
“There’s something to be said for forging your own path.”
“Is that what you did?”
“To an extent. I mean, I’ve always been close to my sister, but we both wanted to get away from how we grew up and the military was our out. We were able to go to college and she wanted to be a pilot. It’s not perfect, but I don’t think either of us have regrets.”
“Are you happy?” I ask. “I mean, in general. Is your life everything you wanted it to be?”
He’s quiet for a beat. “You know, I never think about it in those terms. I love my job, but there’s never really been time for anything else. I have Courtney, and now Daniil and Micah, and Rage is my ride or die. Beyond that, I’m a confirmed bachelorand a workaholic. I would say I’m content. I don’t know abouthappy. I’m not even sure I know what that means.”
“That’s kind of sad but I understand.”
“Areyouhappy?” he counters.
“I thought I was,” I say softly. “Great job, a condo I love, friends, a social life. But now…” I let the sentence linger because I don’t know how to finish it.
“Now?” he presses lightly.
“Now I feel like my life before was a dream. A fantasy that wasn’t real. Because even though I know I’ll be okay, I don’t think I can ever go back to how I was before. I’ll always be a little more wary. More cognizant of how precarious life can be. Maybe, in the end, it’ll be a good thing but right now all I can do is search for my new normal. Like the old me never existed.”
“Don’t say that.”
“No, it’s okay. I thought about what you said, about not letting what happened define me and that’s what I’m trying to do. The old me would have been devastated. The new me is figuring out how to survive, how to make sure I come out the other side stronger.”
“Honey, if you were any stronger you’d be a hulk.”
“I don’t feel strong. I definitely didn’t feel strong when they—” I stop talking because I can’t say the words. Still. I may never be able to.
“You weresodamn strong. Don’t ever forget that. You’re a survivor. They don’t come much tougher than someone who fights back even when the odds are against them.”
Chapter Eleven
Landon
We’re quiet for the rest of the ride. It’s hard to tell what she’s thinking, but I must have given her something to mull over. Because sheisstrong. Stronger than she knows. And I’ll say it over and over until she starts to believe it.
I turn into the gate and punch in the code. There’s a lot of security surrounding headquarters, inside and out, but we’re still working on things. The building itself is three stories, with bullet-resistant glass, a metal detector at the main entrance, and video surveillance that probably rivals that of the White House.
The interior is nowhere near as impressive as the exterior yet because it’s still being renovated, but the main area is functional. There’s a small lobby with a mostly unmanned desk, elevator banks, and brand-new marble tile. As we pass through the main entrance and walk toward the back, there are two bathrooms, a kitchen that’s under construction, and a conference room, which is where we’re meeting.
Daniil and Courtney are already there, talking quietly when we walk in.
“Hello.” Courtney smiles. “Welcome.”
“Thank you.” Allora smiles but hangs back, like she’s unsure of her place here.
I make introductions just as Rage arrives, carrying a black and white cat.
