He carefully pockets the torn pieces. Then he invades my space, and all thoughts disappear from my mind.
"The agreement is dead,” he growls.
I can feel the frantic heat radiating off his skin. I don’t move. I'm mesmerized by the wreckage of his composure, watching the man I thought was made of stone finally bleed.
"Stay." He reaches out, his hand hovering near my face, trembling. "Please, stay, Ember. We can talk things over. We can come to a space that works for both of us."
Him using my nickname is almost my undoing.
A sharp pain twists my chest. My insides feel like they’re caught in a blender. I want to stay. More than anything. But right now, he’s caught in the throes of all these feelings which are strange to him.
He’s experiencing emotions which must confuse him. What happens when it wears off? Will he regret it? Will he hate that he showed me the passion seething under that perfect mask he likes to wear to the world?
How strange that I wanted him to show me his emotions, and now that he has, I feel that it might be impairing his judgment.
"I’m not sure I can."
His features tighten.
"I can’t let you walk out of here."
"I think you’re a better man than you give yourself credit for. I think you’ll let me decide for myself what I want."
The realization in his eyes tells me I’m right. He’s changed so much. Not that I can take credit for that. He’s been open to wanting to be more than that unfeeling man, a tyrant with his brigade who was known as the Ice Commander.
"I realize, all of this is sudden. But it doesn’t change the fact that you can’t tell me how you feel about me. And until you share that, I can’t let myself be near you and fall deeper for you. I need some level of self-protection here."
His body language grows just a tad less tense. "So, this isn’t over."
"No, you’re right. We need to talk things over. But not tonight."
"Not tonight," he agrees.
I look away, then back at him. "But I also can’t stay at your place with you."
He reels back.
"What do you mean?"
"I think I should move back in with my sister and niece, just until…we figure things out."
The expression on his face is agonizing.
I shouldn’t feel so much, but oh God, it almost breaks my heart in two to realize how much I’m hurting him. I close the inches between us and throw myself in his arms.
"Please, don’t make this more difficult." I rub my cheek against his chest. "If I stay with you at the penthouse tonight, we’re going to end up in bed, and by tomorrow morning, nothing will be fixed. You'll still be silent, and I'll still be waiting for words you can't say. I have to leave so I can actually think, instead of just feeling you everywhere." I sniffle. "So please, let me walk away…for now. Until we figure things out. So we can do what’s best for both of us."
He wraps his big arms around me and holds me so close; I feel engulfed. Enveloped. We stay that way for a few seconds.
I feel his heart galloping under my cheek. Sense the rigidity straining his chest. It feels so good. I feel cherished and secure.
I also know it’s a trap.
Then he runs his fingers through my hair, dislodging the hair tie. My hair cascades around my face. I shake back the strands and look up at him. "What is it with you and my hair ties? I always lose them around you."
A funny look crosses his face, then he half smiles. "I like you with your hair down."
"I can’t do that in the kitchen," I remind him.
