When he finally releases me, I’m shaking like a leaf. I feel his kisses on my body, my neck, I feel him bite into my shoulder. It’s like nothing matters anymore. Just this feeling with him, his rough hands in my hair as he kisses my neck.
“You are mine, Isabella,” he says. “All mine.”
I can seethe sky starting to change from here. It’s going to be morning soon.
My lip, my wrists, my pussy, and my asshole are aching, throbbing in the same rhythm and intensity. He’s lying behind me, his arms around my waist and half-hard cock pressed against my ass, his warm breath brushing against the back of my neck. I don’t think he’s asleep, but he’ll probably get there soon enough.
All of this… I could bear it. So long as at the end of the day, I’m in his arms. So long as he reminds me that no other man in the world could ever make me feel like this. I could take it all. The Bratva bullshit, the backstabbing and the crime. I could take every bit of it.
But… but I can’t ask a child to come with me through that fire. Lying here in this silence, I know that better than anything else. I can’t do it.
My hand moves down to my belly. Still flat, with no sign that there’s a life growing inside. That feeling of desperate hopelessness is gone. I guess he fucked it right out of me because I know now what conversation I need to have with him.
“Alexei,” I whisper. He grunts his response. “I have to tell you something.”
He doesn’t move for a second, and I think maybe he has fallen asleep. But then he takes in a deep breath and says, “Can’t it wait until morning?”
“No.” There’s no way to say this but to say it. “I’m pregnant.”
Nothing from him at first, and I immediately think that I need to repeat myself. He suddenly lifts up and looks down at me. “What?”
God. Do I have to say it again? “I’m?—”
“I heard you,” he says softly. His eyes are reading my face. I wonder if he thinks I’m lying. He probably has a million questions, thoughts… We can’t get into that right now.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say slowly, “about us and this marriage and everything. And I’ve been thinking about how we were both raised in this life. And… and I don’t think I want to raise a child in this lifestyle.”
He’s just staring at me. I don’t know what this look is. His brow is furrowing slowly as I speak.
“I don’t know what it looks like to have a loving father who’s always there,” I say to him. “Or what it’s like not to wonder if my mother drowned or was killed. Or… or even this marriage. We’ve never dated or courted in any way. In fact, before this, we barely even knew one another. I don’t want this kind of life for our baby, Alexei.”
“What are you saying?” he asks me.
Damn. He’s going to make me spell it out for him. I was so hoping that he would understand. “I want to leave. For real, I mean. Leave all of this shit behind so that we can have a real chance at doing things right…”
I don’t get the chance to finish. He sits up, glaring at me angrily. “We’re not leaving,” he says. “You’renot leaving.”
“Alexei—”
“This isn’t a game, Isabella. When are you going to get that? No one leaves the Bratva.”
I blink at him fearfully. “What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I said. You’ve been operating like you can just pick up and leave whenever you want, but you can’t. Neither can I. There is no leaving this. This is our lives.”
I stiffen as I think about Annie and how she just disappeared off the map. I don’t understand why we can’t do that as well. He sighs and shakes his head.
“If I tried to leave,” he says, “reallyleave, I would be hunted down and I would be severely punished if I were caught. Maybe killed if they thought I was talking to law enforcement. There is no leaving.”
I nod slowly. “Maybe not for you.”
“Isabella—”
“I won’t do it, Alexei. I won’t raise a baby in this, all right?” I’m starting to raise my voice. “Do you understand me? I’m not going to do it.”
“You don’t have a choice. You’re mine?—”
“Just because you know how to fuck me doesn’t mean that I’m your property,” I tell him. “Now, my mind is made up. I’d rather you come with me and get out while we can, but if not… if not, then I’ll just have to leave without you.”
