“It wasn’t what I wanted,” I say in a small, meek voice.
Dad only hardens. “Regardless, with Kieren out of the picture, you need a new path. I’ve always said that about you, Regan, without a firm hand and solid guidance, you drift. I will not have my daughter wandering around, out of control, and directionless.” He pitches forward. “This will be a sacrifice, but it will be good in the long run.”
“Sacrifice?” I clear my throat and struggle not to fidget. Another annoying habit Dad hates.Fidgeting is for children and the homeless. Which are you? Neither? Then stop it.“I don’t understand.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” He keeps watching me for a long, horrible moment, before he sits back and folds his hands together. “In two weeks, you are going to marry a man named Liam Lankshear. It’s been discussed and agreed already among the family. He’s an important member of the Whelan clan, and this arrangement will benefit everyone. It will bring us closer to the Whelan organization, and it will give you a purpose. I understand this is sudden and it is difficult to accept, but you will obey me in this, Regan. You will not embarrass me, not when it comes to business. Do you hear me?”
My jaw feels like concrete. I try to open it, try to close it, but I can only gape, my tongue wagging in the air, searching for words that won’t flit into my head.
Liam Lankshear? Liam? That Liam? There’s just…
There’s no way this is happening.
My mind is a mess of conflicting emotions, fears, and a deep sense of failure. The office feels very small, all of a sudden, andI want to strip out of my clothes and go running down the street screaming my head off.
Dad snaps his fingers aggressively. “Regan. Respond.”
I jump and sit up straight, fingers digging into my thighs. “You want me to get married to a stranger?!”
My voice comes out raspy and harsh. I want to throw up.
“That’s right,” he says, demeanor colder than a Siberian prison. “This must feel overwhelming. I suppose you’ll want to talk it over, but find someone else.” He checks his phone. “I have approximately five more minutes.”
“How? I mean, why? Dad, this can’t… this isn’t…”
“Your future husband has already been chosen by the Whelans themselves. When you do this, it will guarantee our future association and our family’s power. We will ascend, Regan, do you understand? You will be at the center of that ascension, in a way, and you will have my… gratitude.” He says that last word with a distasteful wrinkle of his nose.
“But… an arranged marriage? Like we’re some… medieval kingdom? I don’t understand, Dad. Kieren cheated on me, it’s not my fault, and I…” I can tell I’m losing him. I’m making excuses, begging, stuttering, actingweak, and he hates that more than anything else. He’ll never respect me if I don’t do something to stand up to him right now, but my brain’s a mushy mess and I can’t think straight.
Liam… it can’t be that Liam…
But I already know it is.
“This isn’t a discussion. We aren’t having a debate. I accept that an arranged marriage is unusual in this day and age, but we are not a normal family. You will do your part as expected. You will obey, Regan. There is no other option.”
All my life, it’s been like this. Go here, Regan, do this, Regan, meet these people and smile and be charming, Regan, or else there will be consequences. I touch my left knee without thinking and can still feel a knot of scar tissue from my lastlesson, back when I was thirteen years old and had the audacity to tell my father I wouldn’t be coming to work at the company as an unpaid intern for the third summer in a row because I wanted to go to camp instead.
My hands shake. Dad watches passively, waiting for me to break down. I’m sure he has plans within plans for how he’ll handle me if I try to fight him on this. Most likely involve some kind of pain, whether it’s physical or psychological. I know, because that’s what he’s done my whole life, and I also know there’s only one way to survive, only one truly meaningful act that will protect me from his vicious wrath.
I bow my head and look at my hands.
“Yes, Dad.” I say the words and they taste like bile. “If that’s what you need, I’ll do it.”
I hate him. I hate myself even more. I despise all the circumstances of my life that have led to this moment, all the little steps, the failures, the beatings, the screaming, the insults and the belittling, all the weakness that he’s instilled into me. Even in this, at my darkest hour, ruined from Kieren’s betrayal, reeling from meeting Liam, now learning how this absurd arrangement nightmare, even now I fall back on the one thing I know will keep me safe.
Perfection. Obedience.
“Good.” Dad stands abruptly. “You may return to your desk.”
I rise to my feet shakily. “Can I meet him?” I blurt out.
He seems taken aback. “Meet who?”
“My future husband. Can I meet him first? Before…” I can’t even say the words.
“I suppose.” He checks his watch again. “I’ll put it together, but please don’t be difficult about this, Regan. Now, back to your desk.” He sweeps past and leaves his office.
The door stands open. I can’t seem to make my feet move.
