Chapter Fifteen
Lucy
The rain is coming down hard as I back away from Max. Making it harder to see him the closer I get to the main street. But even through the veil of water, there’s no dismissing how broken he looks. I don’t want to turn away from him. Fuck. I don’t want any of this. I just can’t see another way.
When the noise of the street becomes louder, I finally turn around, taking in the people who are laughing and joking as they dash into bars to take cover from the weather. I don’t, though. I keep walking, letting the rain soak into me, even when my cheeks become so wet, I have to swipe away the dampness, I keep going. I really should go and get a cab home, but home is the last place I want to be right now. The one place I want to go to isn’t an option.
My phone is vibrating in my pocket, and begrudgingly, I pull it out to see three messages.
Liz–Hi honey, I have put some leftovers in the fridge for you.
I roll my eyes, smiling at my phone. She is trying so hard to make me feel at home. She knew I was out tonight, but also that I didn’t really want to go. I bet she expected me back hours ago.
Sara–I cannot wait to see you! Two more sleeps!!! I hope you’re ready to meet your mystery man.
With the way my head has been spinning, I forgot all about heading to London to see Sara. We planned it before we even left the ship, but the double date idea of hers was arranged the day after I got home. I wasn’t asked if I wanted it. I was told.
A few nights away from here will be heaven for me. I might actually book an extra night and go earlier.
Then the last one…
Max –Let me know when you’ve made it back. Stay safe.
The way my stomach somersaults at seeing his name lit up on my phone screen isn’t normal. I should never have tasted the forbidden fruit. I wouldn’t be in this situation if I had kept my feelings to myself. But… that short time with him was the happiest moment I can ever recall having. Moments I have treasured ever since.
Maybe this double date will be good for me, and maybe, just maybe, I can get over this fear I have. A fear I haven’t told anyone, not even Sara. It’s irrational, but aren’t all fears? Every time I have gotten close to being with another man, I haven’t been able to go all the way. At the time, when it’s happening, I want it. I just can’t. I have been on so many dates, even gone as far as kissing them, but I never made it past that stage.
Because all I wanted was Max.
This crippling anxiety would take hold of me every time I got close to sex, as though I was cheating on him. Which I clearly wasn’t. Maybe it was my own heart I was cheating. How can I sleep with someone whilst thinking of another? It doesn’t feel right.
Either way, tonight proves I need to get over him. Or under someone else. Anything to make me forget and help myheart to heal. It isn’t doing either of us any good hanging onto something that won’t be. No matter how much we want it.
Looking like a drowned rat, I call for an Uber. I just need to get home, go to sleep, and reset. Tonight has turned into one hell of a shit show, and I can’t wait for it to be over.
“How long will you be gone for?” Dad asks.
This morning, I’d had enough of moping around and decided to book that extra night in the hotel. It seems to be a common thing for me, running away. I have gotten so good at it, though, it’s my default setting. At least this time it’s only for three nights and not a year-long contract. I didn’t even say goodbye to my dad and Liz before I left.
“Only three days. I’m meeting Sara later for dinner and drinks. Don’t worry, I won’t stay away for too long.”
“You better not, I have only just got you back. I’ve liked having you back home where you belong.” I can hear the joke in his voice.
“I should hope so.” I laugh.
“Look after yourself and say hello to Sara for me. Love you, Lucy-Lou.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
I drag my small suitcase behind me as I check into the hotel. I wasn’t expecting much from the pictures online, and with it being situated above a pub, but I instantly fall in love with the feel. It’s small and quirky, more like a boutique B&B than a regular old man's pub. With the prices in London, this is the best I can afford now that I’m currently unemployed.
I’ve saved up quite a bit over the years, enough to get me by comfortably for a while. I don’t really want to waste it, though, because who knows when my next job will come along.Or if I even want to carry on with all the traveling. It gets tedious after a while.
My room is light and airy, filled with antique wooden furnishings. One is a huge four-poster bed surrounded by sheer drapes. It kind of reminds me of an old school Hollywood film. Even the floors are wood, with beautiful, large rugs covering the majority of them.
I decide to ditch my bags, freshen up quickly, and head straight out to meet Sara. It feels like forever since I last saw her, and it’s only been a matter of weeks.
Lucy–Girl! Where are you?
