“I never wanted to hurt you, you know.” She says softly. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone. But in the end, I think I hurt myself the most.”
“Then why did you leave?”
Why did you leave me?
It takes her a minute to answer. I can almost see the wheels turning in her beautiful little head as she thinks of what to say.
“Be honest, don’t say what you think you should. Or what you think I want to hear. Don’t hide from me, Sugar.”
“I was scared.” She finally admits, and it’s the last thing I expected her to say.
“Of what? Being with me?”
“Kind of? I don’t know. I have never felt good enough. I think it was disappointing everyone, too, and after everything our parents have been through, I didn’t want to cause them any more pain.” The rains coming down harder now, fat drops bouncing off our faces. “I was leaving anyway, so I thought it was inevitable.”
“Long distance never scared me, Lucy. I wish you had spoken to me. You just left.” I can hear the pain in my own voice. I try to dial it back, not wanting to stop her from finally opening up. “I get it. I really do. But we were in it together. You made the decision to leave without even talking it through.” The rain bounces off my face, but I barely feel it. I only notice it because the raindrops covering Lucy make her look ethereal, my very own Sugarplum fairy.
“So you could convince me to stay? Tell me how everything would be okay? To fuck everyone else and just focus on us? I couldn’t do that, Max, I can’t do that.” Her voice sounded defeated. “I knew if I spoke to you first, I would have stayed. And although we would have been together, no onewould have been truly happy. I couldn’t do that to anyone, not even you.”
“Lucy…” I plead, wanting her to calm down.
“No. This is why I left.” She pulls away, not turning her back on me as she retreats. “I’m going home, just let me go.”
“I don’t think I can.” My own nose starts to sting as I fight back the tears that threaten to come.
“You have to. Because we don’t work. We can’t work.”
“Please, Lou,” I beg.
Her sad eyes hold mine as she shakes her head from side to side. She doesn’t speak another word as she continues to leave me behind.
