But I want him.
And I think he wants me too.
I am in the world’s worst mood. Sprinkling my negative energy everywhere I go. Gracie has already threatened me twice to stop fucking up her chakras. I couldn’t even bring myself to fake it in front of my clients today. Poor Mrs Newton nearly got whiplash from how erratically I was washing her hair.
Shortly after kissing Tommy last night, we rang a taxi, and I almost dislocated Fallon’s shoulder dragging her out of there. The whole ride home, I was desperate to tell Fallon what had happened; it was like word vomit in my mouth. It was all I could do to keep it from spilling out.
After last night, I don’t think I could stand another minute at her apartment. I need my cabin. My sanctuary. I love having my own space, it’s where I go to process, to be able to think clearly and without any outside influence. Something I desperately need after everything that has happened. I’m so accustomed to being on my own, it’s hard work sharing space with someone else. I love Fallon, but I just need a minute to breathe.
“Hey, babes, what’s got into you today?” Graciequestions me whilst we lock up the salon. Luckily, it’s been a quiet day with just me, Blair and Gracie working; Blair was only in half of the day too.
“Nothing, it’s just been a long weekend, and I’m really missing my own bed.”
“Oh, I can imagine. There is nothing better than getting tucked up in your own bed with a good book and a cup of tea. Are you sure you’re going to be okay going back tonight?” She asks, concern clear in her eyes.
“Yeah, I reckon so. I haven’t heard from him since that night. From what he said to me, I think he’s as much done with me as I am with him,” I reply. “How’s your day been today? I’ve been that busy today, I feel like I haven’t seen you.”
Fallon and I work downstairs in the salon doing hair, whilst Gracie and Blair are upstairs doing beauty. It’s great, because no matter what, there’s always someone able to make us feel gorgeous. Owning a salon with your three best friends is honestly so special.
“You don’t even want to know,” She huffs out, frustrated. “Actually, I’m going to tell you anyway. I had some big, hairy bloke in for a massage this afternoon. I was halfway through his treatment and told him to turn over so I could do his calves and feet. Anyway, five minutes into one leg, I noticed movement under his towel!!!”
“Nooooo! Please tell me he wasn’t doing what I think he was doing?” I demand.
“Well, you can imagine me thinking that. I started shouting around the room about how disgusting it was and how rude of him to do such a thing. You should have seen his face! He was in shock, with no clue what I was going on about. He was only bloody texting on his phone! He said it was because he felt rude texting work in front of me when I was rubbing his legs, so he did it under the towel instead.”
“Shut up! This is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day,” I wheeze out, laughing so hard I have tears streaming from my eyes. “That poor fella. Did you carry on with his massage?”
“Did I shite. After apologising a million times, I ran out of the room. Luckily, it was as Blair was finishing work, so she went in and finished him off.” She cringes at the innuendo she mistakenly said. “You know what I mean. The massage!”
God bless her heart, I don’t think I have ever seen Gracie this hot and bothered before.
“You have made my day. Now tell me, why are you getting all flushed talking about it? I know you… You only ever get flushed when you fancy someone.” I probe. Giving her a sly side eye.
“Because, although he was hairy like a bear, he was so handsome. Literally the most charming man I’ve ever met. And do you know what’s worse? He has booked in again for in two weeks’ time. With me!” I don’t think I have ever seen Gracie look so mortified. “What am I going to do?”
“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You are going to give him the best massage ever, which he clearly must have enjoyed today, and then you are going to give him your number,” I wink.
“Oh my god, Maya! I can’t do that. I don’t think I can ever look at him again, never mind give him my number,” Now she truly is horrified. Being the bad friend that I am, I burst out laughing.
“This could only happen to you,” I laugh.
“God, don’t I know it. Anyway, I need to rush off, Blair is making lasagna, and you know she can’t cook for shit. Just promise me you will ring me if you need me?”
“I promise, so stop stressing over me. It’s all blown over now,” I tell her over my shoulder as I begin to walk in the opposite direction.
Giggling to myself, I head towards the train station. Nipping in and out of shops as I go. I’ve not been home in days, so I doubt I have much edible food left. I can’t wait to get my car back, too. I feel lost without it.
As I wander, my mind does the same. Thinking about last night, again. I can’t remember a time I didn’t feel this way about Tommy. It makes me wonder if that was the reason I’ve never found anyone who makes me feel alive in my own skin, why I always settle for the men who do nothing for me. No passion, no heat, no rush of adrenaline at the thought of kissing them or taking them to bed. The kiss with Tommy last night lasted seconds and still held more passion thansex with Jake.
Tommy is the one who was always there for me when I was younger. We never spoke much about anything important; we just enjoyed being in each other’s company. He was always there when times got rough. Some of the situations my mum got us into growing up were hell, but Tommy was always there to sneak me away. I don’t know how I would have survived without him.
I lay my head down on the grass, feeling relaxed now that I’m out in the crisp evening air. Tommy knew my mum’s newest boyfriend liked to take his anger out on me. It has never gone past verbal abuse, but it still hurts. So when he texted me, like he does most nights, seeing if I needed to escape for a while, I said hell yes.
I look over my shoulder, where Tommy lies next to me, and take him in for a minute. He is so captivating, I could stare at him for hours, but I know that I can’t, so the longing looks have to be minimal. He is currently lying on his back with one arm behind his head, staring at the stars.
“Thank you for this.” I don’t need to explain what this is; he already knows.
Turning his head towards me, he smiles gently.
