Growing up, my home life wasn’t exactly ideal. My dad did a runner before I could even remember,and mum turned to the bottle. She stayed out most nights, and when she didn’t, she was bringing different men home to meet me. The first opportunity I got to get out of there, I took it. Buying my own little sanctuary. I’ve never been back since.
“Have you heard from him since?” Graice asks.
“I wouldn’t know, I haven’t turned my phone back on.” I’m too busy ignoring the world and my problems within it.
“Well, I don’t blame you. We don’t need any negative energy today. He’s messing with my chakras.” Gracie turns her head in disgust, and we all burst out laughing.
“God forbid, not the chakras!” Blair cries out, making us even more hysterical.
“Sod you all. You won’t be laughing when you need me to come and cleanse the negative energy from you!” She huffs out in reply.
“Sorry, Gracie baby. We shouldn’t laugh at you and your messy chakras. I promise not to do it again,” Fallon retorts, already breaking that promise by choking on the laugh she tried to hold back.
“Oh, screw the lot of you. Arseholes.”
We’re still trying to regain control of ourselves when the waitress walks over with our food, but as soon as it’s placed in front of me, my focus is well and truly on the plate.
Heaven.
This is just what I needed. I can already feel thebreakfast fixing all my problems, but the longer I sit here, the more my mind starts to drift to last night. And not about the man I have just broken up with.
It wanders to Tommy.
If I were single before bumping into him last night, would anything have happened? Would I have let it happen? Even though I want him more than any man I have ever wanted, I couldn’t let it happen. I couldn’t lose Fallon over her brother.
I guess he will have to stick to being my dream man. A dream in the sense that I can never let it become a reality.
If only it were his good looks that enticed me to him, but it isn’t. It’s every little thing about him. His confidence, humour, and wit. How well he cares for his family. How he has always cared for me. The way I know he will care for his future wife.
But that will never be me.
No matter how much I wanted it to be.
We finish our food and say our goodbyes to the girls. Fallon and I start heading back to her apartment. It’s one of those beautiful sunny days today. The sky is clear and bright, but with a chilly breeze that makes you want to duck back inside. It’s the perfect day to represent my mood. My plan for the day is to chill out, eat junk food and be a vegetable on the couch binging Netflix,in hopes that doing so will make everything all better.
Of course, life doesn’t like to be so kind.
We’re walking up the stairs to her floor when we hear chatting above us. The voices grow louder the higher we climb until suddenly Fallon rushes up the last few steps when she realises who it is.
“Mum, Dad. What are you doing here? You never said you were coming round.” She asks, surprised.
“Hi, sweetie. We were passing by, so we thought we would check if you wanted a lift to our house. Today is the day that all my babies are in one place! I’m thinking we could order in some food and have a night together?” Her mum chimes in with her happy tone. Fals' mum is one of the kindest-hearted mums I have ever known. Not that mine is much to go by.
Fallon looks back at me as she opens her door, unease crossing her face. Clearly unsure if she should leave me alone or not tonight. I roll my eyes. I’m not that feeble.
“Uh, I’m not sure if I can tonight, can we do tomorrow?” she asks.
“Your sister is visiting friends in Liverpool tomorrow night, and God knows how long your brothers will be here for. You know, they very rarely have the time these days. Tonight is the only night you’re all here.” Her mum replies sulkily. She has even popped out her bottom lip, too.It’s clear to see where her daughter gets her dramatics from.
“Go. Don’t worry about me. I will happily have a chill and early night.” I tell Fallon. I really do need sleep. I’m hanging out of my arse today, and being around Tommy wouldn’t be ideal.
“Maya lovey, you’re family too. Of course, you will join us too.” Her mum smiles sweetly at me.
Fantastic… not.
How can I say no to that? I love how they see me as family, though, as I don’t have much of one myself. All I want to do is hibernate and wallow in self-pity. Instead, I have to go to Fallon’s parents' house, the very same night that her brother will be there, the one I’m desperately trying to avoid.
“Sounds great,” I say, even though I’m secretly dying on the inside.
“Okay, mum, give us a few minutes to get sorted, and we will head out with you.”
I would have offered to drive us there myself, as I don’t plan on drinking for a long time, but my car is at my house. The house that I am currently having to avoid because of dick head Jake.
What is it with me and needing to avoid men today? One man? Understandable. But two? This is beginning to sound like a me problem. To make matters worse, the one person I would love to confess all of this to is Fallon. How would she react if she knew I still felt the same way all these years later?
I don’t think I would like to find out.
