"My mother used to say the stars were the souls of Luanthians we had lost," he said suddenly, his gaze searching as he stared up at the night sky, his eyes clouded with drink. The words came slowly and slightly slurred.I listened to the soft cadence of his voice, hugging my knees tighter to my chest. “She would say that when we passed Lua would place us among the sky, our legacy forever immortalized in her image."
"If there is a fate after death that takes us from this world, I don't think I could imagine a prettier one." My voice was soft, the response genuine. It was a nice thought, to live among the stars.
He glanced sidelong, his smile crooked and half given. “A Solerian who wants to be placed among the stars, huh?"
I huffed, a small laugh escaping as I settled back gently into the sand beside him. “Have I ever struck you as an ordinary Solerian?"
If only you knew.
His reply was quiet and earnest. “There hasn't been an ordinary thing about you yet, little menace."
l smiled at that, a little one that had my toes curling in the sand, my gaze once more firmly fixating on the night sky.
My words were barely audible, nearly lost to the soft desert wind. “Do you ever wonder why we're here?"
"In the desert?"
A soft shake of my head, rolling my lips as I thought carefully, methodically. “Why we're here, at this exact moment? Why my mother died and Merle took me in, why Kai found me and thought I was the right person for this quest? What does it all lead to? If we're placed among billions of other stars after we pass, what difference can we truly make as something so small, so insignificant, in a world so vast?"
It was his turn to look at me, his gaze searching and tender, as if I were an oasis in this barren land, to drink his fill and revel in.
He was quiet for a while before he shifted closer, his head touching mine as he pointed up at the sky, his fingers tracing a pattern for me to follow. "Did you know that no two stars are ever the same?” I watchedas he moved from star to star. “Just the single death of one changes the night sky. Even if you don't notice, it will never be the same again. It is ever changing. Just as no two people are the same, without even one the world would be a different place." His voice softened as he said, “My life would be very different if you had been born in a different time, if fate had chosen a different path for you."
I rolled onto my stomach with a wince, propping my chin up with my hand, eyes searching his. “Do you think we would have stumbled upon each other regardless of the prophecy?"
He smiled, brushing a stray hair behind my ear as he leaned in closer, his lips so near my own it was as if I could feel the ghost of them as he spoke. "There is not a universe in which I would not find you, Syra." My eyes fluttered shut as his hand trailed down my neck, coming to rest against the pulse that fluttered frantically beneath his touch. "Lua herself could place you among the stars, and I would search for your light for an entirety until I could rest beside you."
There was a shift in the tension between us then, something undeniable as I searched his face. Something we had been avoiding since I had held a knife to his throat the night they asked me to join this quest.
The alcohol was a serum of truth in his veins.
"You're quite drunk tonight, Delmar," I murmured.
"If we had died today, I would have gone with many regrets."
"Such as?" I whispered back.
“I’m not sure you’re ready for that answer.”
I stilled as his eyes fell to my lips. His hand fell from my throat, tracing a path over my collarbone, my shoulder.
My eyes screwed shut. “Roan I—“
His hand fell away, the cold air burning where the memory of his touch had imprinted upon me. A laugh escaped as he laid back againstthe sand. “I know, Syra. It’s okay. I’ve waited my whole life to feel an inkling ofsomething.l’d wait an eternity if you asked it of me.”
I wasn’t ready. There were still so many secrets, so many things hidden between us. A yawning chasm I wasn’t sure I could cross unscathed and itterrifiedme.
If he knew, would he accept me? Would he be able to keep my secrets as Captain of the KingsGuard? Even as the thoughts ran rampant, guilt ate away at me with each doubt I placed on him. Did fairness—did trust—matter when my life, my existence, was dependent upon those very secrets?
“I thought you had died today.” My voice cracked, my own gaze returning to the stars. His head turned as he reached out his hand to intertwine his fingers with mine.
His touch was a squeezing comfort as he spoke. "I could spend a millennium carving those screams from my mind and still be utterly tormented by them.” He hesitated, his thumb tracing patterns over the skin of the back of my hand. “Promise that you’ll never do that again. Never race into such danger for me, or anyone else, with so little regard for your own life.”
“Would you have not done the same?”
A sigh at that. “Do as I say, little menace. Not as I do.”
I laughed, squeezing his hand back before I said, “Only if you make me a promise in return?”
