“Soli’s tits, it’s colder than the ninth layer of hell,” Bran muttered from beside me, his own hands squeezing around a hot mug. His shoulder was pressed to mine, our thighs touching beneath the table as our bodies shook from the lasting chill of our shift on the upper deck. Taven had told us that body heat was the best way to stay warm, for in the beginning Kairen had been able to heat our bodies, but after a week of melting the ice and thawing our frozen limbs, his magic quickly drained. He grew tired and ill at the constant expenditure of blessed magic and could provide the flame no longer. Roan fared no better. He used his blessed magic to drift the ice away from the ship, to draw out the water that soaked into the wooden deck and froze over. His eyes always seemed to be heavy with exhaustion by the time it was his turn to rest and warm.
My laugh was pained, my breath a puff of white mist in the damp, frigid air. Every inhale was like ice in my lungs, a cold so chilling even the marrow of my bones felt as if it was frozen over.
“I’m not sure it’ll be much better when we dock in Halsrad. We’re entering the north at the height of winter.”
“Why’d we agree to come again?” Bran’s grumble had a smile curving my lips as I pressed closer to him.
“Moral conviction and the blind desire to save the world?” His answering laugh was loud and bright, a sound that warmed me as much as the firemead that thawed the rigid muscles of my throat.
How many times did your throat burn for a drink in the desert?
As much as I tried to avoid it, to cast it from my mind, Kairen’s question grated me. How many times did I wish for a drink as we traveled? Why is it that every town we entered, I drank so much I could hardly keep my wits about me?
My finger scratched at the metal tankard before me, lips pursing. “Do you think my drinking is an issue?”
His brow rose, lips tugging down in a frown. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean, Bran.”
A heavy sigh and then, “Do I think you’re an alcoholic?” At my nod there was silence for a moment, heavy and pressing as I anxiously awaited the answer. “Doyouthink you have an issue with it?”
“I’m not sure.”
I could feel his eyes searching me for a long moment, as they always did. Appraising with a caring curiosity, as though he thought if he stared long enough, the inner workings of my mind would spill out on the table before us for him to study. “Do you remember the first time we drank together?”
I glanced at him, lips tugging down into a frown as he spoke again.
“It was the anniversary of The Cleansing. We were fifteen and you had been soangrythat day, I thought even a passing look from someone would have had you boxing their head off for some imagined disrespect.” My attention returned to the drink before me, nails tapping against the mug lightly. “So I snuck a bottle of mulled wine that Ma had tucked away in some cupboard. We drank until our vision was blurred and we could no longer speak coherent sentences, until your thoughts quieted and the day was nothing more than just adayto you once more.”
“I remember,” I said, the tension in my shoulders loosening, a wry smile peeking out at the memory. “Parts of it, at least.”
“You and I were so young when you came to live with us,” he murmured, his gaze growing distant. “A slip of a girl I hardly knew, as though you were a ghost that came to haunt my home. Those first few months, you always had this distant look in your eyes as though you were staring straight through me when I spoke. It used to terrify me.” He gave anexaggerated shudder, his grin playful as he glanced down at me. Laughing, I shoved him lightly before his words grew quieter. “Really though, Sy. It was as if nothing existed to you—no, as ifyoudidn’t exist anymore. Your mind and soul were lost to the tragedies you had endured. I can still picture you as that little girl, so timid and lost at the dining table. I made it my mission then to bring you back out of the grief you were drowning in within yourself.”
“The flame toads.” My voice was soft remembering the creek that we would haunt as children. Our feet quick and our fingers searching for the slippery creatures.
He nodded. “The flame toads. Though we grew older and while you weren’t that little girl anymore, you still had days when that distant look would return, you stilldo sometimes. Though now I would say it’s the rage you suffer from more.” His arm moved to lay over my shoulder, tugging me closer. A cocoon of safety that felt like home.“So, do you drink too much? Perhaps. Do you use alcohol to chase away the tragedies that plague you? Maybe, but I also think you’re toohard on yourself. You’ve been through more than any person I know. If you truly think it’s a problem, then when we get back to Amori City I can lock you up for a good month and you can sweat out the temptations. We can find you a new vice to chase away the thoughts,” his head tilted, eyes dancing. “The fiddle, perhaps? I hear music is good for the soul.”
My eyes burned, as I gave a small laugh, my head shaking. “Thank you.” My gratitude for him could never be conveyed in two simple words, no language would ever be able to accurately express how utterly grateful I was for Bran. “I love you.”
His hold tightened as his lips pressed to my damp hair. “I love you too, Sy.”
A coy smile curved my lips as I took another deep draft of the firemead. “So, are you going to tell me what’s between you and a certain devilishly handsome desert guide?”
I pulled back slightly, eyes peeking up just in time to see the flush that spread over his dark skin as his arm dropped from my shoulder. “Whatever do you mean, cousin?”
“Isawyou on the dock!”
His warm, caramel eyes narrowed upon me. “And what of you and a certain Captain?Taven is quite the gossip in case you weren’t aware, I had to hear about your escapade on deck ingruesomedetail.”
Against every odd, heat flamed across my frozen cheeks, my lips pursing. Goddess, how many people did Taven tell? It wasn’t as if Roan and I had been exactly discreet in our attraction after either.
“Should I start calling him brother now or wait until you two have officially tied the knot?” His grin grew as I muttered a curse beneath my breath.
“It was only akiss.”The defense was weak, even I knew that, as my voice wavered upon the rebuttal.
“Ahotkiss from what I heard.”
Groaning, I lifted the mug lightly to shield my face, an attempt to hide the shame that was painted there. “I believe we were discussing you and Gianni—”
