“What of you?”
“Me?”
Her tone was pure vexation. “Why did you ask of love? Does it happen to have anything to do with a certain brooding man with white hair and dreamy eyes that looks at you as if you hung the moon itself among the stars?”
I choked as she laughed, my head shaking as I said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Her eyes brightened as she laid down beside me on the bed, her gaze knowing. “You can lie all you’d like Syra, but the eyes are a window to the soul. I canseehow he looks at you and howyoulook at him.”
Silence stretched, her declaration hanging between us. How did I look at him? Was it so obvious, the war between my head and my heart?
Her voice was a sleepy murmur when she spoke next. “I like you two together. You balance each other well. I've known Roan nearly my entire life and you bring a calmness to him that l've never before seen, while challenging him at the same time. The man has never been known for his patience, but with you he’s like a saint.”
"No one here will tell a soul of what you do, enjoy your time together." The sadness and concern that coated her words had a sickness slithering through my veins. “Just be prepared when we go back. It will not be easy,but..." I glanced up at her hesitation. “If there's anyone that I think could handle the danger of being with him, it's you."
“Danger?”
She rolled to face me, “The King always taken great pleasure in the fall of the Delmar line," she said, her eyes meeting mine once more. "Jurian Delmar was the last Luanthian noble to live, and the only reason he was spared was because he conceded to King Artius. He bowed to the Solerian King—forsaking the Luanthian throne. Roan is now thelastliving Luanthian noble, the throne would fall to him were it ever resurrected. He cannot marry, he cannot have children, he cannot exist as anything, but the Kinslayer around the King, Syra. It's how he has lived this long, by being the perfect weapon for the Solerian throne. Emotionless, merciless, and without a single earthly attachment besides his mother—who the king also has complete control over."
My fingers picked at the skin around my nails, teeth biting into the soft flesh of my cheek. Whatlifecould we have?
“I’ve never been a stranger to the dangers of this kingdom.” But still, could I handle the scrutiny that would come with being involved with the Kinslayer of all people? Could we bear the burdens we both carry?
“I’m sure you aren’t.” Sleep was calling to her, her hazel eyes heavily lidded. “You make him happy, Syra. Thank you for that. It’s been so long since I’ve seen his genuinesmile or heard his laugh, so long that I almost forgot what it sounded like, looked like.”
My heart clenched. Even when she drifted off and the sun began to rise and paint the room with the soft light of dawn, I lay awake. My mind a storm of questions and what ifs. Yet even in the midst of all the doubt, only one thought stuck out among the darkness.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t trade a single preciousmoment of what we shared.
I too wouldn’t trade a moment I shared with Roan over these last few months, not a single one. What that meant for us I wasn’t yet ready to face, but I knew that when I was, he would be there waiting. Whatever I decided, we would face the consequences that came together.
Chapter Thirty Three
The ship rocked beneath my feet as I watched Bran and Gianni on the dock of Ferro, their faces close together, whispering words of what I was sure were goodbyes. A smile curved my lips when the dark haired man of the desert, with eyes of glittering night, took my cousin's face in his hands, my gaze averting when their lips met.
Antoni’s amber stare caught mine as he approached, my back leaning against the siding of the boat as the sun shone down upon us.
“You lot look worse for wear,” he commented, the silver rings that decorated his fingers reflecting the light of day.
“The travel was very hot andlong,” I responded, stretching my arms high overhead. The journey from Amareshi to Ferro had only been a day and night's ride, gone far too quickly. I had not yet spoken of what occurred in my conversation with Wraith and despite Bran filling in everyone, I knew Kairen was still impatient to ask me his questions. Roan had been a buffer between us, a shield for the interrogation I was not yet ready to undertake. I knew it bothered Kairen, that his friend seemingly had drawn a line of which side he would stand upon.
It unsettled me, the tension that now sat between them.
“Well, rest easy for the two weeks you’re aboard the ship, I promise they’ll be giving you no trouble this time.”
“Is that so?” I hummed my amusement.
“Aye, you gained their respect. Have you thought of my offer at all?” His eyes glittered, a knowing of the abyss that yawned within me. As if he knew that I didn’t wish to return to Amori City, to the problems that awaited there.
How easy it would be, to steal away the Captain of the Kingsguard and make a life out at sea. No more wicked kings, no more heartache or loss.
Until I thought of Bran, Merle, and perhaps even Rosie, my fiery acquaintance who always cut my drinks far too short. What of the people within the Old Quarter who relied on the care I helped deliver?
My smile was rueful. “It’s tempting, but I’m afraid my work in the capital isn’t quite done.”
“The offer will still stand when it is.”
When Bran boarded, the last from the dock, and the ropes were cast, we set sail back onto the open sea. The familiar roll of the waves beneath my feet, the spray of saltwater and wind upon my face, and I found peace in it. In the familiar call and timber of the crew yelling out directions. I watched Roan work in tandem with Kidd, muscles flexing as the cracking of the sails being unfurled sounded. Antoni stood within the middle of the chaos directing the wind for the course we would need.
