There’s a small pucker between Ryan’s eyebrows, giving him an adorable quality, and I can’t help myself from reaching out with my free hand and smoothing it away. I catch his eyeswidening slightly, but he doesn’t make a move to stop me, keeping his gaze locked on my face.
“Look, I’m a handful. I get that, and all my life it wasn’t something I was made to feel shame over. My parents have always told me they signed up for parenthood knowing all possibilities, even if I exceeded them with some of my antics. My best friends are all as crazy as I am, so we find it normal. My cousins have always been on par with me. The only time my personality ever seems to be too much for anyone is when it’s an outsider coming into my life. And Toby made it very clear that I was always too much. Too much drama. Too much chaos. I was too friendly. I was too overbearing. I was too invasive. I was too present. No matter what it was, it was too much for him. I never really understood why he stayed with me if he felt that way, but I guess one puts up with things when there’s money, influence, and power involved, right?” I explain, trailing circles over the marble counter.
I huff a laugh and look down at the patterned surface, feeling a little stupid for not seeing Toby for what he was sooner. It was certainly a lesson learned, but I didn’t realize what a number he’d done on me until recently. “The craziest part? Those things that were too much were things I always felt were just part of relationships. I was friendly to waitstaff when we went to dinner to celebrate things, and that was unnecessary and made him uncomfortable. Overbearing? There are a few of those. I used to sit on the bathroom counter while he showered just to talk to him because I missed him. I would send him too many videos and memes when I thought of him throughout the day. I wanted to hold his hand walking through grocery stores, but that was an instant nope for him.”
Scoffing a laugh, the stupidity only building, I wonder, not for the first time, how I even survived a relationship with that asshole.
“Then there were his complaints about taking too many photos of us or just him, as though it was wrong for me to want to capture moments together or appreciate how he looked at certain times. Wild, right? Telling a photographer she’s taking too many photos,” I huff a humorless laugh. “And then he would complain that I was buying too many gifts for him when he didn’t buy me anywhere near as much, and it made him feel inferior. I planned too many date nights. I danced too much in the kitchen. I spoke too much through movies and TV shows. And then, come the last six months, he was griping about me asking where he spent so much of his time. I barely got to see him, and I wanted to spend time with him, but I was being too invasive, apparently. Asking for reassurance was a no-no. Expressing my emotions was too bothersome for him.”
I sigh, and the kitchen falls into silence while the reel in my mind runs through each of those scenarios he put me through, remembering with vivid clarity how I felt each time. Not once in my life did I ever feel like what I did was too much, what I said was too much, or who I was was too much. That was until Toby Moore came along and apparently screwed my head worse than I thought he did. So much for getting out unscathed, huh?
Shaking off the heavy feelings that have started pressing down on me, I take a deep breath and sit upright, flashing Ryan a smile. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? It was me. So please, whatever guilt you’re feeling, let it go. It’s not needed or warranted.”
After that declaration, I stare at Ryan, and he stares at me for a long moment until he finally nods. “Are you sure? I didn’t upset you?”
“I upset me,” I laugh, reaching over to wipe away the frown that has reappeared. “I think icing you guys out was a byproduct of not wanting to get hurt again, you know? I’mapparently trying to deal with the shit Toby put me through and instilled in my head, and with all the confusion and uncertainty, it kind of blew up in my face. We’re good, I promise.”
To prove as much, I hold out my pinky finger toward him and, with a body-tingle-inducing chuckle, he reaches out and wraps his pinky around mine.
“All right. But if anything like that happens again, you’ll talk to us, right?” he pushes, raising a challenging eyebrow.
Nodding, I concede easily enough. “I’ll talk about it. You won’t believe this, but I missed you guys all week. I don’t think I could put myself through that kind of misery again.”
I’m gifted with a beaming grin, all guilt and worry washing away from him like water off a duck’s back. It’s beautiful, so much so that my breath catches right there in my chest. I have to actively remind myself I need oxygen to live, begging my lungs to get their shit together and take in air again.
Ryan squeezes my pinky with his before he lets go and nods. “We missed you, too, trouble.”
“I should think so. I’m a fucking delight,” I joke, and he laughs before releasing my hand and heading toward the rest of the groceries to put them away.
As he’s putting some things to the side, makings for a mean pasta dish, he speaks over his shoulder. “So, what did you get up to all week, other than mistreating your poor stomach?”
Leaning farther on the island, my chin dropping to my hands that I’ve flattened against the surface, I mutter, “That about sums it up, really. I kind of spaced out a lot at work, and I ate chips in between. Not much else besides that. How about you?”
He shrugs, placing the penne pasta beside a pan he pulled out of the cabinet when we got home. “I didn’t do much, just the usual work and constantly checking my cell to see if a blue-haired menace had finally texted or called.”
I cringe. “I’m sorry.”
Ryan laughs. “Don’t be. I get it now that you’ve explained. We’re going to do something about that headspace Toby has installed in your brain’s software, though. Because if I know one thing for sure, it’s that you’re absolutely not too much. More like, there isn’t enough of you.”
Perking up, I lift my head and stare at him questioningly.
Ryan flashes that panty-melting smile again before he explains. “From day one, you’ve captured each of our attention. Every single day since that morning, we’ve all wanted to know more. You’ve had us on a hook, Maddie. And the more we learn, the more we want to get to know you better. Your personality is the best thing about you. You’re fearless, funny, considerate, and sweet. You’re charming, you’re bold and quirky, and you live your life just as you were meant to. You’re all of that in a beautiful package that would make any man fall to his knees.”
Hell, can someone swoon right off their chair? Because I’m pretty sure I’m about one more sweet word away from melting into a puddle right at his feet. My carrot stick has been abandoned, my focus firmly planted on the man before me. There are tears teasing the corners of my eyes, my hands have formed tight fists that I have to hide under the counter, and my heart is beating fast enough that I’m sure it’s about to make the greatest prison break.
“What I’m saying is, don’t censor yourself around us, okay? We like you just the way you are. If you want to talk during movies and shows, we’ll listen. You want to dance in the kitchen, I’m pretty sure Caid or Bax will join you. You want to send memes? That’s fine, but you’ll have to fight Caiden for the top spot of meme sender. Want to hold someone’s hand walking through stores? I’ll keep one free for you at all times.” He turns and leans against the counter, his expression open and genuine and utterly devastating, before he continues. “Taking photos?We expect it from you. It’s what you’re brilliant at, so snap away, whether it be on your camera or phone. So long as you’re happy with us doing the same. Gift buying? We love giving and receiving.”
That’s a loaded statement if I ever heard one, and I can’t help but snort through the threat of tears. It’s like he knew I needed the break of humor to stop myself from blubbering like an absolute baby.
Ryan flashes another grin that scrambles my insides and teases my vagina before he says, “Date nights are a given, if you plan on dating four guys. We’ll plan them when you’re not feeling up to it, and we’ll let you take the reins when you want them.”
My heart stalls right there in my chest, and the realization dawns on me quickly that they must all be very aware of the conversation Rayne and I had. I haven’t had time to fully wrap my head around it yet, but with the way Ry is watching me right now, it’s proof of Rayne’s words that they’ve discussed it and are open to trying this crazy relationship.
I’m apparently a very open book, because Ryan nods and informs, “All four of us are on board, and Rayne told us we’re to give you time to think about it. That’s fair, because taking on four guys who have been rapidly growing obsessed with you is something that should take a great deal of consideration.”
I choke on a fucking laugh, because fantasizing about it and discussing it in person are two wildly different things, and I still can’t quite believe my luck that this is happening to me.
“That is to say, we’re in this because it’s you. Because of who you are as a person, because of the chaos you bring to our lives, and because we would be lost without it. The past week proved as much. I’ve never seen the guys look so miserable, and all it took was one glance from you for things to feel right again,” he confesses, and I think I might actually combust. Kaboom.Poof. Gone. Thankfully, he continues before I perish. “We’re in this wholeheartedly. All four of us. We’ve discussed it, we know what we’re getting into, and there’s no one I would trust more with the girl I really like than the three men I would trust with my life and hers.”
