“Yeah, gotta go, Mom. I just figured out who the weed whacker belongs to, and I have questions. Yeah, I’ll see you then. Love you,” Maddie says quickly before ending the call and opening her mouth with an inhale.
Before a single thing leaves her mouth, Ryan holds a hand up and quickly rushes, “Need I remind you of your morning? You have no right questioning my utensils right now. I didn’t even buy that. My parents bought it for me when they went to Greece and thought it would be funny to gift it to me on my birthday. My sister has one similar. They think they’re funny like that. What’s your excuse?”
“My best friends are assholes,” she quickly retorts, shrugging and pretending to windmill with the wooden shaft. “But it does sound like ‘doth protest too much, methinks,’ or whatever it was Shakespeare wrote. I’m not one to judge a man’s crotch-hammer utensil. I’m judgmental about that godawful dog figurine, though. It doesn’t even look like a dog. It looks like a deformed pig. You should get your money back for that.”
Covering my snort with a cough, I wipe my hand over my mouth and head over to the entry table to snatch my keys and phone. Caiden doesn’t bother hiding it, his laughter trailing after me while I sit on the couch and shove my feet into my socks and boots. When I’m done, I stand and find Ryan gaping at Madison. One look at the new bulge in her sweats and the hands on her hips is enough to make me understand why. Again, I find myselfbreaking out in peals of laughter, Caiden and, surprisingly, Rayne joining in with me.
This is proving to be the best morning ever, even with the early wake-up call from the woman gyrating with her makeshift fake penis packer.
“Bro, who even is this woman, and why have we only just met her?” Rayne asks under his breath, eyeing Maddie like he’s just seen a woman for the first time in his life.
“Beats me. She sure doesn’t act like a famous photographer and successful businesswoman, that’s for sure,” I answer, snickering when the wooden pecker falls out of Maddie’s pant leg.
Caiden chimes in, grinning from ear to ear while he watches the woman stuff the bottle opener back in her sweats and squint at Ryan. “Is it premature to admit we’re four of the luckiest bastards ever? Like, we just found ourselves living beneath not just a badass in the business world, but a seriously hot and stupidly funny chick who clearly bounces back from one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever witnessed. You guys know anyone who can get caught in a failed attempt to masturbate and still chase a man with a fake penis in her pants?”
Sure enough, Maddie has taken it upon herself to start chasing Ryan with the obvious bulge, laughing when he tries to dodge her thrusts. Even he’s finding it hard not to laugh when she yells, “Oh, come on! You’ll use it to open bottles, but when it’s coming at you in a woman’s pants, you run scared? Take it, Ryan! Take it like a man!”
“Because it’s meant for opening bottles! Stop trying to rub it on my leg, for fuck’s sake,” he yells back, laughing as he sidesteps the woman, shooting her looks of bemused horror when she gyrates her hips in his direction.
Seriously, best morning ever.
I shake my head in answer, knowing just how lucky we got. Just as she’s about to rush by me in her attempt to catch Ryan with the dick, I hook my arm around her waist, almost clotheslining her in the process. She’s light enough that I pick her straight up off the ground, her entire body going limp in my hold. The wooden dick falls to the floor with a sharp clatter, loud enough to be heard over the laughter, and she pouts. I’ll be damned if my entire body reacts to that protruding bottom lip, my mouth watering with the sudden thoughts that flood my mind.
“Put that away,” I tell her, my voice raspier than it had been before. Clearing my throat, I ask, “You’ve got somewhere to be, remember?”
With a sigh, she agrees without even mentioning my manhandling. Like this is a daily occurrence. As if she already fits into our merry band of misfits, like she’s always belonged there. If I didn’t find her so funny and completely enthralling, I’d worry about it. As it is, she tears my attention away from my wandering thoughts by grumbling, “Yeah, yeah. Can’t chase fully grown men I just met with wooden woodies all day. You ready to go?”
I let her go slowly, making sure her feet are under her, and nod. “Yeah, let’s bounce.”
Maddie nods, throws her skates back over her shoulder, tucks her keys and phone in her back pocket, and heads to the door with me close behind. She turns to the others before exiting the apartment and says, “Despite my initial introduction, it was cool meeting you guys. Laters.”
And with that, she strides out of the apartment with a funny little salute and heads straight for the elevator.
Before I follow after her, I turn to the others and rumble, “We’re fucked.”
Chapter Seven
Maddie
“Follow me,” I command the intricately tatted and beautifully muscled man behind me with a quick smile, leading him through the underground parking lot that houses two of my cars.
Baxter doesn’t say anything, dutifully trailing my steps as we reach my pride and joy: my matte-black Jeep with matching rims, dark-tinted windows, and a funky blue dice keychain hanging on the rearview mirror. It’s parked in the shadows like the car version of Batman, tucked away from the other cars, mainly because I have very little trust in other drivers. Even parked cars are a hazard. You never know when one might turn into a sentient alien robot and crush my baby like they so carelessly do in all of the movies.
When we reach my baby, I check my pockets for the key fob, coming up empty. I frown, tapping my boobs just in case I decided to stash it in my bra like I’ve been known to do, only to find nothing but my respectable handful of boobs and nothing more. I know I picked them up before I left my apartment. Pretty sure I had them before leaving Baxter’s, too.
I’m still holding my plentifully sized funbags when I turn and ask Baxter, “Did you see me with my keys? I could have sworn I grabbed them on the way out.”
Bax’s eyebrow rises as his gaze darts to my hands before coming back to my face. When his eyes return to mine, I catch a flash of something intoxicating in his darkened gaze before it disappears, more amusement flooding their depths the longer he looks at me.
“Have you checked your pockets?” he asks mockingly.
Rolling my eyes at the beautiful man, I drop my tits and make a show of tapping my pockets, giving him anobviously I have, you ridiculously fine specimenlook before dropping my hands.
The amusement doesn’t fade from his eyes, though. Oh, no. It looks to have doubled now, though I can’t fathom why it would. Unless he finds walking funny, in which case I need to reconsider the idea that this handsome man could be completely crazy.
“You’re something else,” Bax snickers before taking a sudden step forward, one hand reaching out and landing on my exposed waist while the other boldly reaches for the globe of my ass. His touch is confident, certain, and warm, and I forget to even attempt to suppress the shiver that rattles my body like a bone maraca. My breath catches on a gasp, and my heart stops for all of two seconds before beating faster than it had prior to his touch.
Wide-eyed, I watch him watch me, a heart-palpitating grin growing the longer I stare at him with my mouth agape and my mind blanking on anything but the man touching me. Touching me a little inappropriately for a stranger, mind you, but I don’t seem to harbor any complaints. Not for the unexpected touch, the daring move, or the fact that I’m pretty sure I’ll legitimately faint if I keep holding my breath.
