I recounted everything that had happened to me at my uncle’s estate, recalling as much as I could about my transformation and first feeding.
Using his foreign tube device, Nicholas wrote down my recollections, his writing apparatus flying across the page as he used his vampire speed to document everything I was telling him.
Kole, to his credit, didn’t even flinch when he heard that I’d fed from a young female, and even though I knew I needed to keep telling Nicholas what we’d learned since then, including everything we’d uncovered on the Isle of Song, I couldn’t help but pause to ask, “Is it always like that? Do you always hear everyone’s heartbeats, smell their blood, and have...cravings?”
I didn’t know how to delicately ask about my sexual urges, but given Nicholas’s knowing look, I was guessing he understood what I was alluding to.
“Yes, it’s always like that. Time doesn’t change that, unfortunately, but you do learn to control yoururgesbetter as you age, and a living creature’s heartbeat and blood won’t always hold as much sway over you, but I’m afraid the pull of all of those things never goes away.”
Shame again filled me, even though I knew my current state wasn’t my fault, but it still meant that for all time, I would crave sexual experiences with others, and it absolutely killed me to think of putting Kole through that. The way I’d reacted to Nathaniel in Kole’s presence was bad enough, but to think that would keep happening again and again...
Worst mate ever.
I twisted my hands in my lap. “There’s no chance of taking something to curb one’s impulses?”
Nicholas’s eyes dimmed. “I’m afraid not. It’s the curse of being a vampire that we all deal with.”
I thought back to all of the time other fae’s blood had called to me, and how I’d fled to avoid feeding on anyone again. Fleeing was how I’d been dealing with everything. But sooner or later, I would have to feed. I couldn’t go indefinitely without more blood.
Hesitantly, I asked, “Have you ever...killed someone? Accidentally? When you were feeding?”
Nicholas inclined his head. “Most vampires do at some point in their lives, even if they never mean to. When you encounter someone whose blood has a certain flavor, and it calls to you, it’s hard to resist the pull. Those are the times vampires have drained their victims, even if their intention was simply to feed a normal amount. And I can tell from how you look right now that you’re terrified of doing that to another. Tell me, how many times have you fed since you were turned?”
I licked my lips. They felt dry, but they always did these days, and even though my jaw ached constantly, so far, I’d managed to control myself. “I haven’t. I’ve only drunk from that one female so far.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Truly? But you were turned nearly a week ago, correct?”
I nodded. “Yes, but even though I’ve wanted to feed, I haven’t allowed myself.” I gave Kole a side-eye.
Kole’s expression was intense, his attention keenly focused on the two of us, but even though he didn’t speak, his aura spiked and was clearly detectable in the library’s heavily infused magic.
Nicholas shook his head. “That’s remarkable. Normally, newly turned vampires have a hard time controlling themselves. Most drink from at least ten to twenty other vamps, humans, or supernaturals within the first few weeks of being turned, and new vamps usually fuck just as many. Do you mind if I ask how many sexual encounters you’ve had since being turned?”
I was pretty certain that if I were still fae, my cheeks would have been burning with embarrassment. “Only him.” I nodded toward Kole, and I could have sworn that the energy around him calmed.
“Fascinating.” Nicholas ran a finger along his chin. “I can’t help but wonder if that’s because you’re a full-blooded fairy and not a human or supernatural. Perhaps it’s different forfae. Maybe your kind wields more control over their vampiric nature.”
I thought back to all the times my urges had threatened to overtake me. “I don’t know if I could claim credit for that, but Kole’s my mate. I haven’t allowed myself to act on any of my urges because I don’t want to hurt him.”
Beneath the table, Kole’s palm settled on my thigh, and he squeezed.
Nicholas shrugged. “Regardless, you’ve done very well as a new vamp. I’m quite impressed by your control, but perhaps you’re right, and your control is because you’re mated and not because you’re a fairy.”
“Well, technically, we haven’t fully enacted the mating bond yet. We just both know it exists.”
Nicholas leaned back in his seat, his expression again morphing into one of confusion. “You’re mates, and you’re both aware of that, but you haven’t acted on it to seal your bond?”
“No, not yet. It’s a long story as to why that is.”
Nicholas tapped his chin with his writing apparatus. “Interesting. I’ll make note of the fact that you’re mates without a completed bond, and I’ll see what we can find about that. Now, where were we?”
I returned to telling him what we’d learned in our library’s ancient writings, about Tenevris and Heleveer, and what my uncle had written in his handmade book about his findings and the potions he’d subsequently created. And most importantly, I implored Nicholas to help us discover a way to stop Arnel from controlling me. I explained how my magic was being used by my uncle and how that was dangerous for all fae in our realm.
“His power is absolute with me as his slave,” I explained.
Nicholas’s expression turned grave. “If only it were an easy fix. Some vampires have tried hiring someone to kill theirMaker, in hopes of breaking their hold on them, but alas, a Maker’s command still holds after it’s been cast. Even in death.”
“But not in a new realm,” I countered. “His commands don’t hold any power over me here.”
