“Are you speaking inallegory?”Taran asked, still looking vaguely amused.“Because we’re at a festival about pickle-flavored beer right now, so my head’s in a different place entirely.”
I barked out a sharp laugh, louder than I meant it to be, but at least the crowd-noises sorta covered it up.“Time and place,” I added, hoping he could see the apology in my eyes.She hadn’tpromisedshe’d play nice, but she’d said she’d try, at least.Where was this going?
“No.”Toni shook her head and leveled her gaze at him over her lemonade.“I’m being incredibly literal.The problem with the whole situationship you had last time was that you had all the power.You hoarded all the resources.”
“What the fuck?”I turned on her, then glanced at Taran.
He took a deep breath, stretching the shoulders of that perfect fit t-shirt dangerously.And then he nodded.
“Toni.What thefuck?”I repeated more vehemently.
“I’m not trying to be a dick,” she said almost plaintively, turning to me.“But it’s true.And now you have the whole boyfriend thing in your hands, so it’s at leastkind ofeven.”
Taran lifted his sunglasses, putting them in his hair.He hardly ever wore contacts except when he knew he was going to want his shades; he looked strange, younger somehow, without those thick black rims.But his eyes were so, so bright blue, like pictures of the Caribbean Sea.Quietly, so quietly I didn’t actually hear, just saw, he said, “What?”
“Diego won’t be your boyfriend,” she clarified.
My face went hot; my neck broke out in a sweat that had nothing to do with the weather.“Toni…” But I couldn’t even articulate what I felt.It was all just chemical reactions in my body—and it was allbad.
“Because… of politics?”Taran asked, just a little bit louder.
Toni shrugged and looked at me.
“No!”I yelled.Then, flushing even harder, I rushed to say, “Fuck, no.What the hell, Toni?”
Did I mention I really wanted a cigarette?Fuck, Ireallydid.
“I mean, that’s why I gave you the advice,” she said.
I took a step backward, again feeling like I’d been physically punched.
Taran was nodding, though, watching her face like he was trying to translate the goddamn Rosetta Stone.His brow furrowed, his jaw worked.
“That’s not—no,” I told him.Again, I wasn’t sure why, but a pit opened up in my belly, like a sink-hole I could never escape.“No, it was—that’s not what you said.”
“What’d I say?”Not a hint of sarcasm or irony in her, either.
“You said…” I tried to remember her exact words.“That I should protect myself, because you weren’t there to do it.”
“Yeah.And?”She frowned, as if I’d just said something that proved her point.
“I get it,” Taran said, his voice disappearing in the crowd noise again.
“No,” I insisted.
“It’s okay,” he said.
“It isnot.”
“Yes, it is,” Toni said, her nose scrunching up.“Don’t apologize.”
“Are you fucking—?”
“I need a beer.Toni?”Taran said suddenly.
“I’m good.”
“You need anything?”he asked me.
