I cut that thought off.This wasn’t about the past; it was about now, and what we both needed to give this a real shot.
“Is it okay with you if we revisit in a month or two?”He bit his bottom lip.
“Yeah, absolutely.”I was disappointed; I couldn’t help it.But I was also aware that he was probably right and going too fast wasn’t gonna set us up for success.Which I wanted way more than to be able to call myself his boyfriend, ultimately.
“Okay.Thanks.I know it seems stupid, because everything is, like, so good right now.But that’s kind of why I think we should keep going with it and not put a lot of pressure on it.And you’re not really a labels guy anyhow, right?”
I wasn’t?
I must’ve looked confused, because he said, “You know, like, you don’t care if you’re bi or pan or whatever.”
Wasqueernot a label?
Okay, anyhow, totally beside the point.“No rush.I didn’t tell you because I needed it to be tomorrow.I just wanted to let you know that’s where my head is.”
“That’s wonderful, and I love it,” he said seriously.
I opened my mouth.Closed it.
“Taran…” His voice got a little warning tone in it.
Right.I was being honest.Open.“Is there someone else?”
He smiled.He smiled so big, he actually covered his mouth with one hand to try and hide it.
“What?”I asked, though for some reason that made me smile too.“It’s a fair question.”
He laughed.“Girl, I spend all my free time on your dick; do you think I have room for another one?The fuck kind of gaping hole am I?”
I snort-laughed, which was poor timing since I was at the Ft.Duquesne exit.I made it, though, mostly because traffic was slowed down to a crawl for the game.
“What if there was someone else?”he wondered.“Just, hypothetically.”
Admittedly, knowing there wasn’t made it a lot easier to think the question through logically.“I guess I’d have the same question I do now, which is, are you looking for something committed with me, and what do you want that to look like?”
“Oooh, nice answer,” he said.“Would you be open to something—uh, open?”
Again, I considered.“If it was something you needed to really be true to yourself, yeah.I know some people don’t get monogamy, and that’s fair enough.It’s kinda weird, and we all know it.”
He chuckled.
I shot him a sideways look.“Is that what you want?”
He shook his head.“No.I want to be your boyfriend.In the weird traditional sense.I approach each relationship or cluster of ships individually, instead of coming at them from monogamy or polyamory.Just makes my life easier, as an amorously flexible human.”
I laughed, feeling like a huge knot in my belly had just come undone at last.Apparently, I’d just wanted to hear him sayI want to be your boyfriend.The rest was all good.“Good to know.”
“Could you really be in an open or poly relationship without sacrificing whoyouare, though?”he wondered.
“I never tried, but I would,” I confessed.I hadn’t known that about myself until recently.“I said that to Jennie, that if she’d just been upfront about not wanting to be exclusive, I would’ve given it a shot.It was the lying that sucked.But I’ve never been very jealous.”
“Mmm, yeah, well, the hottest, most popular guy is rarely troubled with jealousy issues,” he said.
“First of all, I was not the hottest.”
“Mmm-mmm.”
“And second, anyone in their late twenties who’s still living by high school social standards is a lost cause.”
