“Please stop selling my boyfriend short, Taran, because you do not want this smoke.”
He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close, then kissed my temple.
“I love you,” I said impulsively.It never seemed to come out at normal times, like when he said it, or when we were saying goodbye, or anything rational like that.It just burst out of me on occasion, when I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“I know,” he murmured.
We sat in silence, watchingParks and Rec, another of my comfort shows that he liked.Normally, I would’ve offered a comfort fuck, or at least a quick blowie to take his mind off things.But I’d been with him long enough, in a real, functioning adult relationship, to know that wasn’t how Taran operated.So instead, after a while, I said, “I’m gonna get changed.You wanna come to bed and read for a while?”
He nodded.Smiled lopsidedly.“Look at you, not trying to fuck your way out of dealing with my feelings.”
“Or my own,” I insisted.
“Or your own.”
“Come to bed.”
He nodded.“Yeah.I think I will.Thanks, baby.”
***
Maybe it started before that day at the graveyard.Maybe it was when I finally admitted he’d been my boyfriend all along.Or maybe when I brought him to a family birthday dinner.But somewhere, somehow over the last month, the way I thought of Taran shifted.
He used to be the guy that broke my heart, when I was in a mood.When I was feeling charitable, he was the one that got away.
Neither of those felt true anymore, even though he did break my heart and he definitely got away.But now when someone said his name, I thought of him coming to pick me up after work, even though he had to get up in the morning, and of him organizing my wishlist so I could start doing something I really loved without going broke, and of him kissing me breathless while I begged for more.
The past was a part of us, both separately and together.But it didn’t define us.Something new did that now.Something I probably didn’t deserve but would fight tooth and nail to keep anyhow.
One night, he took me to my favorite sushi place up on Mt.Washington for sunset, so we could watch the city light up while we ate absurdly pretty arrangements of raw fish.I asked him what the occasion was, and he said, “It’s Kelly’s four-month wedding anniversary.”
“Is that all it’s been?”I wondered, flushing hot.How in the fuck did he even remember things like that?“Feels like a lot longer.”
“Oooh.”He pointed his chopsticks at me.“Afraid you’re gonna pay for that one later.”
I laughed.“I didn’t mean—” But then I snapped my mouth shut and composed it into an insolent smirk.
He arched an eyebrow at me, biting back a smile.
“Bring it, lover boy,” I said.And I’ve never been more sincere in my fucking life.
***
My stomach fluttered as I unlocked my apartment door.I glanced over my shoulder, catching Taran, his business casual button-down showing off his gorgeous shoulders, top button already undone, looking at my ass.And laughed.
Okay, I giggled.“Can we do this?”
He’d researched, sending me little texts like, “Do you think you’d like a cold washcloth after?Or some ice?”that made me squeal like a kitten.We’d talked, describing what I liked about pain, about focus, about spanking in general; what he liked about giving me sensations, playing with my body, telling me what he wanted to do and hearing me say yes, please.We’d practiced, my hand on his ass, me over his lap, laughing and kissing and fucking about halfway through.
But something about the way he looked at me over the table that night told me he was ready to play.And I was definitely up for a game.
He licked his lips and said, “We can do anything we want, Diego.”
I waltzed into the dark apartment grinning, flicked on the lights, and executed a little spin.“Then let the games begin.”
He smiled, walked right up to me, and put one finger under my chin to lift it so I couldn’t look away.Not that I wanted to.Those fucking eyes, man.
“You say that now,” he said, smile going lopsided but voice dropping into his chest, all gravelly.“Did you forget that you’re in trouble?”
