The weight of that responsibility pressed down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I don’t know what to do.
I thought about the way Derek had kissed me. The way his hands had gripped my hips, the way his body had pressed against mine, the way he’d looked at me like I was everything he’d ever wanted.
I thought about the way he’d made me feel alive, desired,seenin a way I hadn’t been seen in years.
I thought about the way he’d tugged Frankie’s hair so gently, calling her Curly Sue. The way he’d listened to her talk abouther day, as if being with her right then, in that moment, was the most important place he could be.
He loves her.
The realization hit me like a punch to the gut.
Derek loved Frankie.
I didn’t know how or why or when it had happened, but it was there in every interaction, every glance, every word. He loved my daughter with a fierceness that was almost overwhelming.
And Frankie loved him back.
And yet.
Sam, who he’d beaten so badly she’d been hospitalized. Sam, who’d filed for divorce. Sam, who had every reason in the world to hate him… shelet him live with her. More than that, she let him be around her children. She let him be around Charlie.
That made no sense.
If Derek were as dangerous as I believed, as uncontrollable as his past suggested, Sam would never have allowed it. A mother didn’t invite a violent man into her home. A woman didn’t give a man who’d hurt her access to her kids.
So either Sam was reckless and stupid, or Derek had actually changed.
And I didn’t know which answer terrified me more.
Because if he’d changed, if he’d really done the work to become someone different, then I couldn’t use his past as a wall between us. Couldn’t use it as a reason to keep him away.
But if he hadn’t changed, if Sam was just foolish or delusional or had forgiven him too easily, then I was staring down the same abyss I’d fallen into before. The same terrible, aching need to believe in a man who might destroy us both.
I didn’t know if Derek was safe.
I didn’t know if I could trust my own judgment anymore.
And worst of all, I wasn’t sure which I was more afraid of: that he’d hurt us, or that he wouldn’t and I’d have to let him in.
I took another sip of coffee, but it had gone cold. I set the mug down on the step beside me and wrapped my arms around myself.
The truth was, I didn’t know if Derek was dangerous.
I didn’t know if he’d changed.
I didn’t know if I could trust him.
But I knew one thing: I couldn’t keep living in fear.
I couldn’t keep making decisions based on what Clay had done, or what Richard had done, or what any other man in my past had done.
Derek wasn’t them.
And maybe, just maybe, he deserved a chance to prove that he was different.
But what if I’m wrong?
