Because what if she was right?
What if I was the one who was wrong?
I took a sip of coffee and stared out at the rows of apple trees. The orchard was peaceful in the early morning light, quiet except for the occasional bird call. It was the kind of place that should have made me feel safe.
But I didn’t feel safe.
I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, and one wrong step would send me tumbling into the abyss.
He hurt Sam.
But he’d also saved a fourteen-year-old girl from being raped. He’d beaten Richard within an inch of his life to protect a child he didn’t even know.
He’s violent.
But he was also gentle with Frankie. Patient. Kind. He listened to her in a way most adults didn’t bother to listen to kids.
He’s dangerous.
But he made me feel safer than I’d felt in years.
The contradictions were tearing me apart.
I wanted to believe that people could change. I wanted to believe that Derek wasn’t the man he used to be. I wanted to believe that the violence in his past didn’t define who he was now.
But I’d been wrong about men before.
I’d been wrong about Clay. I’d thought he was charming and attentive and interested in me. I’d thought he cared about Frankie. I’d been so desperate for someone to love us that I’d ignored every red flag, every warning sign, every instinct that told me something was off.
And I’d paid for it.
Frankie had paid for it.
What if I was doing the same thing with Derek? What if I was so desperate for connection, so starved for the kind of intensity and passion he made me feel, that I was ignoring the truth?
He beat his wife.
The words echoed in my head, cold and unforgiving.
But then I remembered the way he looked at me when he’d said, “I would never hurt you.”
He’d meant it. I knew he’d meant it.
But did that matter?
Did good intentions erase a violent past?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm inside me.
What do I do?
If I let Derek into our lives and I was wrong about him, Frankie would be the one who suffered. She’d already been through so much. She deserved stability. Safety. A mother who made good decisions.
But if I pushed Derek away, and I was wrong about that, Frankie would suffer too. She’d lose someone she cared about. Someone who made her feel seen and valued and protected.
Either way, I could hurt her.
Either way, I could fail her.
