I would never be able to give him that.
The realization hit me like a physical blow. I hadn’t thought about not being able to have children in a very long time, but seeing Derek holding that baby, seeing how natural he looked,how right, reminded me that he didn’t have children. And aside from being Frankie’s stepfather, I could never give him one of his own.
Never.
The word echoed in my head, cruel and final.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked them back furiously. This was ridiculous. Derek and I weren’t even together. We’d kissed once. That was it. And yet here I was, mourning the loss of something I could never give him, something he’d never even asked for.
When his eyes caught mine across the room, I turned away quickly, feeling the heat on my cheeks at being caught staring.
“I saw that,” Maggie whispered with a chuckle.
“There was nothing to see,” I hissed back.
“Just go talk to him.”
“I can’t talk to him here.” Was she crazy? We were in an MC clubhouse with who knew how many people. There was absolutely no privacy.
“Sure you can. The bathroom is right down that hall.” She tried to point without being conspicuous, but Frankie turned to see what she was pointing at.
She turned back to face us and asked, “What are you pointing at?”
“Your mom was wondering where the bathroom was. Sam told me it was right down that hall,” Maggie answered quickly.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Frankie asked, smirking. “You know, for moral support?”
“No, smart ass.”
I stood up and threw my shoulders back. I could do this. Just stop at his table and ask if I could speak with him. We were both adults.
Maggie winked at me, and Frankie smiled as if she knew Maggie had been lying through her teeth.
You can do this.
Just walk up to the table, say hello and...
My feet carried me forward before I could talk myself out of it. The room seemed to narrow, the noise fading into background static. All I could see was Derek. All I could feel was the pounding of my heart against my ribs.
What if he said yes? What if he admitted he’d beaten Richard half to death?
What if he didn’t?
What did it say about me that I was terrified of both answers?
I reached the table faster than I realized I would, and suddenly my words were stuck in my throat. I stared down at him, at the baby in his arms, at his dark blue eyes looking up at me with an intensity that made my knees weak.
He wasn’t just looking at me. He wasseeingme. Seeing straight through every wall I’d built, every defense I’d erected.
And he was pleading with me.
I didn’t know what he was pleading for. Understanding, maybe? Forgiveness?
Did he know that I suspected what he’d done?
“Everything okay, Kat?” Jack asked.
My eyes snapped to Jack’s. His held amusement, and I quickly looked over my shoulder at Maggie, who shooed me with her hands as if she thought that was encouraging.
