Oh, fuck!
“That really hurt because I was afraid I was about to lose you and you were calling for someone you lost. It made me think two things. First, I thought that you were seeing her, like you really were dying, and that just about killed me,” she confesses.
“And? The second?” I press.
“That she’s the one you still want and I will never mean as much to you as she does,” she says sadly and hangs her head.
There is a good explanation for this, but I have to be careful with my words so that she doesn’t take them in the wrong context. She’s every emotional right now and she feels like she’s competing with a ghost. In a way, I guess she actually is, but not in the way she thinks.
“Sophia, sweetheart, I need you to listen to me. This is important and I know it’s emotional. You need to hear every word I say, though, so that you fully understand,” I instruct her in my dominant tone.
She nods, “Okay, Dom.”
“I dream of Carol Ann frequently, but it’s always the same theme. The details may vary but the meaning is still there. It was my responsibility to make sure she was safe, healthy, and well cared for. I failed her and I failed myself in the worst possible way.
“Those dreams have haunted me for a year and a half now. If I called out her name, it’s because I saw her falling to her death again. Not because of any other reason. I don’t compare you to her,” I explain and wipe away the tears escaping from her eyes.
“Don’t cry over that, My Angel. No one else has ever called me ‘Dom’ before and no one else ever will in the future. You’re the first and will be the only one. My parents always stressed that if I lived this lifestyle, ‘Dom’ must be reserved for the one I intended to keep. I’ve known that was you from the start. You are second to no one,” I promise her.
Sophia tries to hold it back, but like water building up behind a cracked dam, I know the sobs will burst forward any second now. As if on cue, her face contorts and she wails with sobs she tries to muffle with her hand. She falls forward and clings to me, her body convulsing as the sobs take over. Long hours of pent up emotions and uncertain outcomes release at once, overwhelming her.
Waiting patiently, I let her cry until she gets it all out of her system. Once the sobs slow, I push her hair back from her face and gently stroke it. “Feel better now, love?”
She nods her head but remains still, holding me and trying to overcome the destructive attack of emotions. “Dom, I need to tell you something,” she says, her voice laced with fear.
“You can tell me anything, Sophia,” I try to comfort her.
“I’m afraid my family will try to hurt you to hurt me. That keeps running through my mind. They don’t approve of this life or my choice to live it. They think it’s a form of abuse. I couldn’t stand it if they hurt you because of me.”
“I’m not afraid of your family, Sophia. I’ll be glad to meet them and show them that there’s no abuse if you’d like,” I offer.
“No, Dom! If they don’t already know about you, I want to keep it that way,” she says adamantly and squeezes me tighter. “Please, no,” she whispers, more to herself than to me.
“If it means that much to you, Sophia, we won’t go around them,” I pacify her, but decide to have Tucker check more into them discreetly.
“Thank you, Dom,” she says sleepily.
We rearrange our positions so that I can hold her from behind as we sleep. My stomach rumbles from lack of food, but the Jell-O cup still isn’t the least bit appetizing. I just close my eyes and let sleep overcome me. At some point in the night, I’m roused from my sleep for a second while the nightshift nurse refills my water and checks my vital signs. The diligent man in the doorway stands watch and I know I’m well protected.
The nurse stops and looks at Sophia lying in the bed with me. She starts to object, but the daunting figure in the doorway clears his throat in warning. The night shift nurse quickly closes her mouth, her lips pursed in disapproval, but she says nothing. I think to myself, as I drift off to sleep once again that Tucker is a very handy man to have around.
