I squeeze her tighter to me and reassure her, “Baby, you never cease to amaze me. You never have to thank me for not leaving you. It’ll never happen – I would never make it without you. I don’t even want to think about it, much less try it.”
My relationship with my parents is still a little strained. We haven’t been back to their house together since that night and I haven’t been back since they confessed to everything, except to work in the yard when they’re not there.And that’s really only because Andi went to the trouble of buying all that for them and I want to see it finished.
My thoughts drift back over every major event in my life and there’s not one single event I can think of that my whole family wasn’t there for me. Mom, Dad, Brandon, and Alicia – they’ve all be so invested in my life and shared every milestone and major event with me.
Andi’s had no one considered family to be there for her, to show how proud they are of her, to support her or to even hold her when she was scared or sick. It brings my betrayal back to the forefront of my mind and I feel guilty all over again. She’s told me over and over that it’s forgiven and forgotten. She doesn’t want me to dwell on it or bring it up anymore.
It’s just that she asks so little of me……so naturally, I want to give her everything.
I think maybe she finally understands why I want –need– to be the one to protect her. I get that she’s capable and she’s proven that over and over. She has to let me in, she has to let me help her. I love her independence and strength – I would never try to take that away from her. But she also can’t take this away from me. We can do this together, side by side, as one. We can’t work as a couple any other way.
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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ANDI
Saturday night at the club, we’re all here and the contest continues. I’m still in the running even though I haven’t practiced any songs. Just as well since Mitch decided to change the rules on us when we got here tonight. He claims that since we’re in the “playoffs,” he can change the rules at any time. So instead of getting to pick our own songs tonight, he’s assigned us songs. And they’re in a completely different genre than the 5 remaining contestants normally sing in.
For example, my song tonight is by Disturbed. Don’t get me wrong – I love the song – but my voice is not accustomed to this style of singing. I probably won’t be able to speak for a while after the song. But I have a few ideas for playing up to the song lyrics, so I’m not worried about it. Luke may actually enjoy a little silence when we get home tonight.
Home – I don’t refer to it as myhouseanymore. I’ve tried to talk Luke into just moving in with me and giving up his apartment lease. He’s been living off a trust fund his parents set up for him when he was born while he’s pursued his boxing dream. There’s no reason for him to keep paying for that apartment when he sleeps in my bed every night. I guess it’s a way to hold onto his bachelor pad….just in case.
I hit the costume rack backstage and look for something to fit my vision for the song tonight. After a few alterations, and by that I mean I found the scissors, I think I have a winner. I took a camouflage t-shirt and cut it off just below my breasts. I also cut the shoulders out to make it a tank top and make it a low plunging neckline. It’s a size too small so it fits my B-cups very tightly. I also found a pair of tight, black Yoga shorts that will work nicely with my soldier theme. I use the bottom part of the t-shirt material to fashion a camouflage headband.
I’ve added the pink highlights back to my blond hair and I decide to leave it down. I thankfully wore black high-heeled boots tonight, so they will complete my look. I wait backstage as the guy before me, who would normally sing something closer to Disturbed, finishes a Kelly Clarkson song. I can’t help but smile – he has multiple facial piercings, tattoos everywhere and he looks scary as hell, but he’s singing one of Kelly’s slow songs and crooning like a heartsick fool. I love it!
My turn now and I take the stage. As the sirens start at the beginning ofIndestructible,Mitch puts the red lights on spin to add to the overall ambience of everything that is war. I march to the microphone and stand at attention with my hand at my face in a salute like a good soldier until the music begins. Then I take the microphone off the stand and begin the song.
As I finish the chorus, I see him. Him –the bastard. He’s sitting in the audience behind Luke. He knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s a blatant threat that Luke doesn’t even know is there. Jackson Rhoades is so dressed down tonight that I doubt his own wife would even recognize him. He’s trying to blend in with the crowd but he also wants me to know he’s here. He wants me to know without a doubt that he can find me and anyone I love. I know this because he and his wife, Delia, have already threatened me with this multiple times.
I don’t deal with being threatened very well.
I’m glad I didn’t see him at first because the second verse of this particular song is fitting for him. I move to stand directly in front of him and sing every word to him. I even point to him to let him know that I will fight him with every fiber of my being. During the chorus, I point to myself and tell him that I am the one who is indestructible – not him. He is the enemy and he will be destroyed in the end. Saying this to him feels fucking fantastic, liberating and empowering. He damn well knows it, too.
His face loses a little of the cockiness and smugness it originally had. He must have thought I’d cower in the corner and beg for mercy. Not a chance – I’ve been through too much to give him one ounce of satisfaction from seeing any apprehension in me. I suddenly realize I have been blatantly staring a hole through the bastard when Luke’s movement catches my eye. He’s turning around to see who I’m looking at.
I’ve never been so relieved to finish a song before now. I have to get to Luke before he either recognizes Jackson or thinks he’s someone I’m interested in and makes a scene. Even if Luke wants to protect me, he doesn’t need to go looking for trouble before we’re ready for it. I jump off the stage from the front instead of going down the steps at the back. I reach our table and sit across from Luke so his wide shoulders and back will shield me from Jackson’s view.
I immediately see the hurt in Luke’s eyes – he didn’t see Jackson or didn’t recognize him – but he knows something is up. I take my cell phone back fromKatie and discreetly show it to him. He nods in understanding and pulls his phone out. I hold it in my lap, under the table and out of view, and send him a text.
The bastard is here. Behind u. Don’t look!!!
Luke looks up at me and he is visibly furious. He takes a few seconds to pound out a response on his phone.
L: Y r u not sitting w/ME?
My eyes implore him before I send my response.
He’s threatening. I don’t want u 2 b a target.
Luke’s blue eyes are almost black with fury now. He pins me with a look of steel and I know exactly what he’s thinking – that I’m not letting him protect me. So I send another quick text.
Element of surprise. He may not no abt u yet. Trust me. PLS!
Luke’s staring down at his phone that’s in his lap. His jaw is working again – grinding his teeth, clenching the muscles and muttering swear words under his breath. He hasn’t answered my text or even looked at me.
My phone vibrates in my hand.
