“Saying I’m sorry isn’t enough, even though I mean it. I’m infinitely sorry for what I’ve done, but there are a few things I want to explain that will hopefully help you understand me,” she looks interested in hearing what I have to say so I continue.
“Several years ago, I started seeing this girl, Megan. We were together for a while and we were pretty serious. Her father, Carl, owned the gym where I was working out and that’s where we met. My father’s business was doing really good and he had a lot of high-profile development projects going on. So, during a family get together one night, Carl mentions in casual conversation with my dad that he has some plans to revamp his gym. They talk shop for a little while and before long, they have a verbal agreement for my dad’s men to do the work for Carl.
Turns out, it was a lot of work and it took a lot of resources away from the other projects my dad had going on. He lost a lot of money doing work on the gym and had penalties against him for not finishing his other projects on time. I found out way too late that Megan only wanted to date me – or Brandon – to get my dad to do the work for her dad for free. She had been flirting with Brandon behind my back the whole time she was with me. I walked in on them kissing one day and that was the end of us and it almost tore apart my relationship with my brother.
It has taken a long time for me to forgive him and it was actually because of you. He’s tried to tell me for years about that day and I wouldn’t listen to him. I think I always knew deep down but I didn’t want to face it. She had kissed him and he pushed her away. But when I saw them, I didn’t see him push her away so I’ve blamed Brandon all this time. But Brandon said something to me that really shook me. He told me to stop using Megan as the standard I use to judge other women.
I did that to you. When Dad showed me those pictures and the court document, I put you in that category. Andi, I’ve always felt guilty for how Megan and Carl’s scheme hurt my dad’s business. If it wasn’t for me, he would’ve finished those big projects on time and wouldn’t have lost so much money. When he showed me those pictures and told me that stuff about you, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that you were using me for something and lying to me about who you really are.
I was completely in the wrong for that, and I am sorry, even though I know that won’t make up for how much I hurt you. But I swear to you,on my life, that I had nothing to do with my dad’s scheme and I didn’t know anything about it. He knows without a doubt how mad I am at him right now. Brandon’s mad at him, too, and he feels really bad about everything. The only time I’ve ever seen that man cry is when he talked about how he’d hurt you and me.
I know I broke my promise to you, Andi, and as much as that hurts you, it hurts me. It hurts me every single day. I will spend every single day of the rest of my life doing everything and anything within my power to make it up to you. No matter what it takes or what sacrifices I have to make – you are more than worth it. This whole mess is no one’s fault but my own. No matter what my dad – or anyone – said, I should’ve stood by you. I will never make that mistake again.”
“Is that why you never thought your family accepted your career choice?” Her voice is so soft but it is full of emotion.
I nod, “Yes. I made a terrible choice in the girl, right? Not only did I catch her with my brother, but she and her father screwed my dad over. I got the brunt of that blame from the family. So when I didn’t follow the family’s advice and go into business, or real estate development like my dad, everyone automatically thought I’d fail again.”
“Youthought you’d fail,” she states. It scares me sometimes, how she sees so much of me that no one else sees.
“It doesn’t make it right or excusable, but I hope you better understand my reaction now.” It’s a statement, but I raise my eyebrows in question, looking for an answer.
She considers me for a minute, her astute eyes boring into my soul again before she answers. “Yes, I understand better now. I still wish you would’ve listened to me, though...,” her voice trailed off with her last statement.
“Andi, I should have-“
“Luke, wait. I wish you had let me explainthatnight, but I should have told you about it before then. I have to take my part of the blame in this. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was selfish. I was afraid I would lose you, so I kept putting it off, wanting just a little more time with you. You never should have heard it from someone else first. I’m sorry for not telling you when I first realized how important you were to me.”
The tears are glistening in her eyes after her apology. My mind caught her words –but I was selfish– and all I can think is how she’s the mostunselfish person I’ve ever known.
“Andi, you’re not selfish. You are the kindest, most giving and most loving person I’ve ever met. How can you say you were selfish?” I ask sincerely.
“Because you had a right to know. If you wanted to be with me, you had a right to hear from me exactly what you were getting into. I just wanted to keep you a little bit longer. Every day, I just wanted one more day with you.” She’s wiping tears away as soon as they fall, trying to maintain her composure.
Could I be any more of an idiot? I let this wonderful creature get away from me.
She continues talking and wiping the stray tears away, “I never dreamed it would come out the way it did. But with my 25thbirthday coming up, I knew it would probably come out somehow. I’m really sorry if I caused problems between you and your dad.”
“Baby, no,noneof this is your fault. I don’t know what happened, why they put you in that hospital, but I believe you. Unconditionally, I believe you – you said it wasn’t what it looked like and that’s all I need to know.”
I feel a little uneasy for a few minutes because she looks like she’s in shock. Without warning, she breaks down in sobs and I wrap my arms around her. She hugs me tightly and I hold her for a few minutes while she cries. Like a dam has been released, her whole body shakes with sobs and it breaks my heart again. Even through the pain, it feels so good to hold her again that I completely understand what she meant when she said she just wanted one more day with me. Every day, I just want one more day with her.
“I have no right to ask this of you, Andi, but I can’t help it. If you’re selfish, I guess I’m just fucking greedy.Pleaseforgive me.Pleasetake me back. I miss you so much. I love you – so damn much,” I resolve that whatever I have to do or say to earn her love again, I will gladly do it.
She pulls away from my arms and looks down at our hands as she entwines them. I’m watching her and I feel my heart in my throat because, from the look on her face, I don’t think I’m going to like her answer.
“Luke, thank you for explaining what all happened with Megan. It means a lot that you shared that with me – it does help me understand why you reacted that way. I do forgive you and I want you to forgive your father. He made a mistake but he’s a good man. He did that for his family so it’s hard for me to fault him for that,” she stops talking for a few seconds.
“Why do I hear a ‘but’ in there?” I ask calmly but I’m really about to jump out of my fucking skin.
She looks up at me, blinks back the unshed tears in her eyes and resolutely declares, “But, I can’t take you back, Luke. We can’t get back together.”
“You don’t love me anymore?”
“No,” she whispers, staring at our hands.
“You don’t mean that.” I don’t believe her. Her words say one thing but I can see it in every fiber of her being. She’s lying – and she doesn’t lie very well. My beautiful little vixen.
And the irony of the situation isn’t lost on me. I can tell she’s lying – it’s so obvious in everything about her because she’s not a good liar. And that should’ve been my first clue when she tried to convince me to listen to her to begin with. Fuck – I am a moron.
