Harder to cope with was her burden of responsibility for that first kiss. Because she didn’t know how to! She didn’t regret that kiss at all, and Anna had certainly enjoyed it, however briefly. But she shouldn’t have done it.
“You weren’t in the most logical frame of mind at that moment,” Cameron had pointed out to her, dryly. And of course he was right, but accepting her mental incapacity over the last several months was a real stinger. It would take time to work through.
She was nervous about the evaluatory panel meeting results, which hopefully should arrive in her inbox soon. But she couldn’t do anything about that. What would happen, would happen—and good Lord, had that taken some serious work with Cameron to fully take in. Still. It was what it was, as excruciating as it was for her to accept that.
Shecoulddo something about Anna, but she didn’t knowwhat.
Yes. A night out with Ashley and Jen, listening to great music and eating exceptional food might do her some good.
At that moment, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Tugging it out, she saw she had a new email from Elaine.Evaluatory Panel: Dr. Victoria Ellis, the subject line said. Hands shaking, she opened it.
There was a lot to read, a very long report. She swiped down to the last paragraph.The panel has concluded that Dr. Ellis is provisionally cleared to work with only limited oversight over the next six months, after which time we anticipate that she will be fully cleared following a consultation with Dr. Cameron O’Shea, PsyD.
She must have looked gobsmacked, because Ashley came to peer over her shoulder at the email. A loudwhoop!escapedher mouth and she squeezed Victoria in a triumphant hug until Victoria was gasping for breath. “Cleared! You’ve been cleared!”
“Provisionally,” Victoria wheezed, struggling to extract herself from Ashley’s excited grip.
“Provisionally with a healthy dose of optimism!” Ashley let her go and danced around the scrub room. “Well! If you hadn’t already said yes to going out tonight, I’d bodily drag you out anyway. This is something to celebrate!”
Victoria laughed at her friend’s sheer delight. It felt like a warm bath, not only to be cleared by the panel but for someone to be so damn happy for her about it. Grabbing Ashley’s hands, she joined in the excited dance, not caring at all who might be watching.
But in the back of her mind, a wistful little part of her wished Anna was in here too, celebrating with them.
A celebration this was to be, so Victoria wanted to look somewhat chic, but Ashley and Jen tended to celebrate long into a night, so she also wanted to be comfortable. Black wide leg trousers, ankle boots, and the only even slightly oversized jumper she owned, a soft charcoal-gray cowl-necked number with lightly ballooned sleeves. She usually belted this in, but tonight she was satisfied with the look as a whole. Picking up a hair elastic, she tied her hair back into a simple low ponytail, did a light face of makeup, and headed for the door.
Ashley had offered to pick her up, but Victoria had firmly declined the offer. She wanted to be able to leave when she got tired, and she wanted to be able to have a couple of drinks. As she recalled, the Indigo Lounge had an inventive cocktail menu with clever sapphic names. A celebration would require one ortwo of those. So she would take an Uber to the Lounge, and another one home.
Her trousers had excellent buttonable pockets, so she didn’t bother with a purse. Her mobile, with a card wallet on the back, and her condo keys—this was all she needed.
The Uber driver seemed to sense her wish for a quiet ride, so he didn’t talk at all as they made their way to the Lounge, which was pleasant. When she got out of the car, she stood on the sidewalk as he drove away, absorbed in tapping a generous tip and five-star rating into the app.
As she tapped the button to complete the ride, a soft little voice piped up from behind her. “Victoria?”
She shrieked and nearly threw her mobile into the air. “Jesus Christ!”
“Sorry! I’m so sorry.” Anna’s face was awash in guilt as she reached out to grab Victoria’s arms. “Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s only me. I’m so sorry, Victoria.”
“Jesus,” Victoria said again, the word emerging in a wheeze. Tucking her phone down into her bra, she covered her face with her hands and took several long, deep breaths, willing her racing heart to calm the fuck down.
At last, she lifted her head to look at Anna, who still looked stricken. “Anna,” Victoria said, suddenly very tired. “It’s all right. I’m fine. You just startled me a bit, is all.”
“You screamed,” Anna pointed out. “People think I am trying to murder you.”
Victoria looked around at the crowd of nervous women milling around outside of the Indigo Lounge. “It’s fine,” she told them, hoping she sounded more reassuring than she felt. “I’m easily startled. No worries.”
When the small crowd had dispersed, satisfied that she wasn’t being stabbed to death in public, Victoria returned her attention to Anna.
God, she did look beautiful. She, too, looked dressed to go out, not in her schoolteacher getup, but in jeans and a loose, off the shoulder long-sleeved pink t-shirt that made her auburn curls look extra richly red and her cheeks a becoming pink. Victoria swallowed. “It’s good to see you.”
“Is it?” Anna’s tone was bright, but the usual light in her green eyes was dimmed with wariness.
“It is.” Victoria tried to make her voice sound warm, apologetic. Maybe she should jump right into it. “Anna, I’m so sorry.”
“For…?” It wasn’t combative, merely gently inquisitive.
“For shouting at you, for blaming you, for… all of it.” Victoria stared down at her feet. “It was an awful day, but I shouldn’t have taken all of my frustrations out on you.”
“Oh, I did have my own part to play in it all,” Anna replied, reaching out to tilt Victoria’s chin back up so she could smile into her eyes. “But… I don’t know. Maybe this isn’t the place to talk about it.”
