Frowning, she narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Do you think this is funny? Is that the only reason you’ve been insisting on us speaking? Because of this?’ She waved her free hand back and forth in the small space between them. ‘You wanted to savour an awkward silence?’
Shaking his head, Murray tried and failed to stop his lopsided grin from spreading. ‘Not at all. No.’
‘Oi! You’re laughing at me!’ She glared at him before taking another gulp of her coffee, the hot liquid burning the back of her throat. When they’d been dating, there had been no awkward silences, not one, and not a single cross word either. But that’s what had made everything so much more difficult when he’d dropped her to move abroad. She hadn’t understood why because, to her, their relationship had been everything she’d dreamt about. To her, their relationship had been perfect.
Holding his hands up, palms forward, Murray’s smile faded. ‘I’m sorry, I appreciate how that must have looked, but I’m only laughing because all of this is just such a weird situation, isn’t it? And why are we so awkward with each other? We’d never have been back in the day.’
Ellie relaxed her shoulders a little. Perhaps he was as nervous as she was. He’d always had the tendency to laugh in the uncomfortable situations and what could be more uncomfortable than discovering the place you’d just moved to happened to be home to your ex? Umm… although he was the one to end things with her and not the other way around so maybe he shouldn’t be feeling as uncomfortable with the situation as she was. ‘So why did you want to talk?’
‘To avoid this.’ He waved his hand between the two of them. ‘To avoid the awkwardness.’
‘Right.’ Of course, of course, that’s why he wanted to talk. He just wanted things not to be awkward between them and that was all. It obviously hadn’t occurred to him that they had unfinished business, that she might benefit from some closure. By why would it? It had been years, and he’d obviously moved on. Literally to America and figuratively too. And so had she. She’d moved from their hometown to Meadowfield, and she’d also had a serious relationship since she and Murray had split. It wasn’t as though she was still hanging on for an explanation or anything. It wasn’t.
‘So, we can agree things don’t need to be weird between us?’ Looking at her, he raised an eyebrow.
Forcing a smile, she glanced down at her coffee mug before meeting his eyes. ‘Things don’t need to be weird.’
‘Good. Thank you. I appreciate that. It’s hard enough moving to a new town without feeling as though you’re treading on someone’s toes.’ He chuckled and shook his head. ‘I just wanted to make sure that everything that happened between us in the past wasn’t going to make it difficult for us both to live here, in Meadowfield.’
Taking a sharp breath in, Ellie frowned. Was that it? Really? Had that been all he’d wanted to say? He’d just wanted to check with her that they could keep the past in the past, so to speak? All of the times he’d tried to corner her, encourage her to ‘talk’ and he’d just wanted to say that? Fine. It was probably for the best. Perhaps the unspoken questions and the once much-longed-for answers should stay in the past. Perhaps she’d just be opening old wounds if they spoke about their break-up and who needed that? She certainly didn’t. ‘No, it’s fine.’
‘Good, I’m glad to hear it.’ Murray nodded before taking another sip of his coffee.
‘No problem. Consider the air cleared.’ Lifting her coffee mug from where she’d been balancing it on the wooden rail, she began to turn back towards the French doors before pausing and turning back to face him. No, she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t just leave things as they were. Things were not fine. Intentional or not, Murray had walked back into her life and she at least deserved to know why, even if she never did find out the truth about why he’d left her all those years ago. Before the words had escaped her mouth, she knew that what she was about to say might come across as rude, selfish and perhaps more than a little egotistical, but she really didn’t care. At this point, she just wanted answers. She deserved answers; she deserved to know what he was playing at, why he’d chosen Meadowfield of all the thousands of places in the country to settle in. ‘Actually, I have a question, why did you move to Meadowfield?’
‘What do you mean?’ Turning to face her, he leaned his back against the wooden railing.
She shrugged. It was a simple question, and one she assumed he’d know the answer to, being as he’d obviously made the decision to move here. ‘Just that, why Meadowfield? Of all the towns and villages you could have moved to, why here? And don’t say it was because of your work, you could have set up your carpentry business anywhere. Every place needs a carpenter.’
Glancing down, he rubbed the back of his neck before looking back at her. ‘I imagine it was for much the same reasonyoumoved here.’
Blinking, Ellie could feel her cheeks flush. She’d moved to the village because after their break-up Meadowfield had been the closest thing she’d had to him. The memories of when they’d visited, the future plans they’d made to move here, they had all offered her comfort at a time which had felt so unbearably difficult. Of course, her parents had been against the idea, in particular her mum, who had thought it was a terrible idea. Who would want to be surrounded by memories of a happier time? Of memories of an ex who had severed the relationship in order to build one with someone else? Yes, it had been his father, but even so… She was pretty certain Murray hadn’t moved here for the same reason as her. ‘I moved here because I needed a fresh start, and I felt as though I knew the place.’
‘Right, that’s it. Same here.’ He nodded enthusiastically. ‘I moved for a fresh start too.’
Huh, what was she supposed to say to that? It was hardly a fresh start to move somewhere that already had memories ingrained into its very buildings. Heck, they’d even visited Pennycress Inn and promised each other that the next time they visited Meadowfield, they’d stay here. And now they were both working here. Oh, the irony. She stubbed the toe of her shoe against the wooden surface of the decking. But if she called him out on that, then he’d be able to say the same of her reasoning. He’d know she wasn’t being truthful either. But why was he here then? ‘There are a million other places you could have gone. A million places you could have had a real fresh start, with no history attached to it. So, why here? Really?’
Holding her gaze, Murray shrugged. ‘As you said, it offered a fresh start without the feeling of starting from complete scratch.’
Ellie nodded. She didn’t have any choice but to accept his explanation. Do any more digging and she’d find herself giving away her own secrets. Besides, if he was really telling the truth, she’d only embarrass herself by suggesting otherwise. He’d spent years in America, likely had numerous relationships in the meantime, so why did she think he’d gravitated towards Meadowfield? Because it reminded him of her? Ha, he was probably as shocked to see her here as she was to see him. She chewed on the corner of her lip. This conversation they were having was supposed to have cleared the air, and yet, now, the atmosphere between them felt muddier than ever. She needed to steer the conversation into safer waters if they were going to thaw the frost between them.
Walking towards the stairs down from the decking to the garden, Ellie lowered herself onto the top one and balanced her coffee mug on her knee. As much as her first instinct was to turn her back, head back inside and spend the duration of the time they were both working here as far away from him as possible, she knew it wouldn’t be as easy as that. Plus, she didn’t even know what he was doing out here or how long it would take. Imagine if he was replacing the whole decking area! He could be working here for months! ‘I can’t imagine much research needed to be done when you looked at moving to Meadowfield. I remember we searched the internet for days when we got home after our holiday here.’
Sitting down next to her, Murray chuckled. ‘I remember that. Plus, we’d spent ages perusing the local estate agent windows.’
‘Yes, that’s right. Deciding which house we’d buy if we had the money.’ She smiled sadly. She’d really believed they’d base their future here, buy a house, get married, have children. The whole happy-ever-after. That’s why, three weeks later when he’d dropped the bombshell about his move, she’d taken it so hard.
‘A little thatched cottage with a wrought-iron gate and a front garden bursting with flowers. That’s what you wanted.’ He glanced at her, searching her eyes. ‘From what I saw of your cottage when I dropped you off the other day, you got it.’
Shifting slightly under his gaze, Ellie shrugged. ‘Kind of. I’m only renting it, but it is thatched and it does have a wrought-iron gate. It did have a beautiful garden when I moved in, but that’s kind of gone to pot at the moment, much to my neighbour’s disgust.’
‘How come? Not as green-fingered as you always wanted to be?’
‘More like too little time.’ She took a sip of her coffee. She wanted to find out about him. Ever since she’d seen him here, all the questions she’d wanted to ask after he’d left, all the questions which had formed since and had been tugging at the recesses of her mind for years, had resurfaced, screaming to be heard, to be answered. But now she actually had the opportunity to ask them, they’d flittered away and seemingly hitched a ride on the back of the slight breeze which was stirring the thin spidery branches of the willow tree.
‘Too busy planning amazing weddings.’ He nodded as though he knew the answer.
‘Some of that, yes.’ But that wasn’t the only reason. The main reason was that recently she’d done everything she could to keep out of the cottage whilst Rick had been about. She hadn’t coped well with the stony atmosphere between them, so she’d snapped up any chance of visiting new venues or staying late at the office.
