He moved his hand again, slower this time, and Levi flinched again.
The second flinch was worse than the first. The first could have been a reflex. The second was a choice. Levi saw his hand coming and chose to pull away.
No. You don’t get to do that.
“Don’t do that,” Asher whispered. He stood slowly, his muscles still weak and tired, and took two steps towards Levi. “Don’t pull away from me ever again, Levi. I came all the way out here. I left her on the floor. The only thing I have been thinking about for —” he scoffed “— hours, baby,hours,I have been thinking about putting my hands on you, and you flinch?”
Levi was breathing too fast, his fingers curling in the fabric of his pants.
“I’m going to touch you,” Asher said gently. “I’m going to put my hands on you tonight. I’m going to do it slow, because you’re scared, and I’m going to do it gentle, because you’re hurt. But I’m going to do it. You don’t have to lean in yet. You just have to stop pulling away.”
He reached out and smirked as Levi didn’t flinch this time. He went still. Asher’s fingers found Levi’s hand on his thigh and closed around it. “There,” he said. “See? Not so bad.”
He could feel Levi’s pulse racing as he traced the new shape of Levi’s hands and wrists. His wrists would be easier to hold still now.
“Did you actually kill your mom?” Levi whispered, staring down at Asher’s hand on his wrist. “Out here? In…in real life?”
Asher looked down at the blood under his nails. He changed into Levi’s clothes, but he hadn’t washed up properly. He just nodded and shrugged. Why would Levi care about Marianne?
Levi’s shoulders fell as a whimper escaped his throat.
Part of you is glad. You don’t know it yet. I do.
“She was in my way,” Asher said. “She lied to you. She kept me from you. She put you in this apartment alone with a tube in your face and nobody helping you and she thought that was enough. It wasn’t. So I took her out of the way.”
Levi’s throat worked. He didn’t speak.
“You don’t have to feel anything about it. It’s not your problem. It’s done.”
Levi started shaking and his panicked breaths became a sob.
“Here’s what’s happening,” Asher murmured. “I’m going to stay here with you. I’m going to help you get better. We’re going to get our strength back together.”
Levi started shaking his head, his lips forming words Asher couldn’t make out.
Maybe he’s worried he’ll get in trouble? Why isn’t he…? He should be happier to see me. I thought he’d be happier…
It’s shock.
That made sense to Asher. Levi was so sensitive. He needed time to process, and he probably had a million questions.
“I’m also going to give you something,” Asher said as the idea formed in his mind. “Two questions a day. Anything you want to ask me. I’ll answer honestly. One hundred percent. I’m not going to lie to you. You need information to be okay, I know that. So that’s the deal. Two questions, every day, about anything.”
Levi was watching his mouth. Asher could see him doing it — the eyes tracking the shape of the words, the pupils slightly fixed, like Levi was trying to read the truth of the sentence off Asher’slips, because he could not yet trust the sound of them. “You can ask me one now if you want. You can wait. I’ll be here either way.”
Levi opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn’t try again.
“That’s fine. Take your time,” Asher said. He picked up a fork, got a small piece of meat on the tines, and held it to Levi’s mouth. “Try it.”
Levi shook his head. “I can’t.”
Asher sucked his upper lip between his teeth.That’s not the right response either.“Please try it?” That one usually worked.
“Asher, I — I can’t chew. I can’t swallow food. Every time I try, I —”
“Did something happen to your teeth?”
Levi blinked at him. “What?”
