“What else did you lose?” he asked.
She just shook her head and looked so full of sorrow that he regretted asking.
“I have Ella. I won’t ask for more,” she said, then she lay down beside her daughter. “Good night, Finn.”
If he was hoping she would succumb to his charms, he could not have picked a worse topic of conversation than her broken marriage. While Margaret’s interest in him had faded to nothing, his desire had not lessened one whit. He’d never wanted a woman this much—not even Curstag, who he’d followed around like a starving dog when he was a lad of sixteen.
With her long, fair hair glinting in the firelight, Margaret looked like a faery queen who had fallen asleep on his blanket. Even in her sleep, she cast her magic over him, and he stayed awake just to watch her.
He had told Margaret she was not his kind of woman. But the truth was that he was not her kind of man. He had no castle, no servants, no means to provide her with fine gowns and jewels. If they had given in to temptation tonight, Margaret would surely regret it.
And he could not have borne to see that regret in her eyes in the morning.
###
In the morning, Margaret felt tired and unsettled. Strange how she slept so well on the boat, despite the storm, but last night she couldn’t settle down and tossed and turned half the night. It was almost as if she missed having Finn’s arms around her while she slept.
“We’re nearly to Huntly Castle. It’s just on the other side of this wood,” Finn told her after they had been riding a couple of hours. “Before ye know it, you’ll be back in Edinburgh.”
She knew he meant to reassure her, but the prospect of reaching their destination so soon only made her feel more on edge.
“Moray promised me you’ll be treated as an honored guest, as befits your station,” Finn said. “So you’ve nothing to fear.”
She thought she had hidden her unease, but Finn seemed to be able to read her better than anyone, except her sisters. He was wrong at least in part, however, about the reason for her disquiet. What had her stomach tied in knots was the prospect of parting from him. She tried telling herself it was only because she’d grown accustomed to him and she was about to be thrown into an unfamiliar situation with strangers.
But it was more than that. She felt safe with Finn. Not just safe from outside dangers, but safe to be herself. In truth, she’d never felt so at ease with a man. With Finn, she did not to have to be careful of every word she spoke. She could even tease him. And he made her laugh.
She would miss him. And what about Ella? He’d won her fearful little daughter over entirely.
“Will ye remain with us at Huntly for a time?” she asked him.
“Nay,” Finn said, dashing her hopes. “I’ll head north to Sutherland as soon as I can.”
More than anyone, she could understand that he was anxious to settle onto his new lands. Like her, he longed for a home of his own and the independence that would give him. Even though she could not have that for herself, she was happy he would.
But she was not ready to part with him. It should not be that, after knowing him for so short a time, the thought of bidding him farewellforevermade her chest hurt.
“Could we stop and have an early lunch before we get there?” she asked, keeping her voice light and cheery. “Ella’s hungry.”
That was a white lie, but hungry or not, the child would eat when food was put in front of her. It broke Margaret’s heart to know it was probably because she had not always had enough to eat. She wished she had realized how dire Ella and Brian’s circumstances were and done more to help them.
Finn spread their blanket amidst the bluebells on the forest floor. The smell of spring filled the air, dappled sunlight filtered through the new leaves on the trees, and a burn gurgled a few yards away. After they finished their simple lunch of oatcakes, dried venison, and apples, Margaret and Finn sat in silence while Ella played with her doll.
Margaret ran her gaze over Finn’s now-familiar features—the strong jaw, broad cheekbones, black slash eyebrows, and the shadow of a beard that made him dark and dangerous.
When he passed her his flask, their hands touched, sending a jolt of awareness through her. She rarely drank whisky, but she took a long drink and felt the burn down her throat. The first drink did nothing to ease the tension bubbling inside her, so she took another.
Finn helped her up and started to pack up their things. She loved the way he moved with such confidence and ease, whether it was a simple task like this or dangling a huge sailor over the side of a boat.
“Ach, Ella has fallen asleep,” he said, smiling down at her daughter. “I hate to wake the wee thing. Shall we let her nap a bit longer?”
“Aye.” Margaret felt relieved and yet uneasy.
If she was honest with herself, unease did not accurately describe this feeling gnawing at her gut. But what was it? The realization hit her with the force of blow.Regret.That was what she felt.
Regretthat she had not let him touch her like he wanted to. Though he never asked in so many words, she saw the question in his eyes every time he looked at her, felt the desire vibrating off him whenever he was near her.
Regretthat she did not know what it felt like to rub her palm against his rough cheek, or drag her fingers through his black hair, or run her hands over his chest.
