“Is that why you didn’t want to stay in a car the night we found the Lodge?” he asks as he drops one of my hands and reaches up to brush strands of my hair from my face.
I nod. “Cars hold bad memories and even before the apocalypse, I tried to steer clear of them as much as possible. Therapy only helped enough that I could sit in a car and not freak out. But with the way the world is now, I don’t trust myself not to have a panic attack.”
“Makes sense. This new world is rough for everyone, and even more so for those who have past traumas. It’s no surprise that you’ll have relapses.”
“What about you?” I ask as I meet his eyes for the first time since I started recounting my story. “What traumas do you have?”
His eyes widen for a moment and he blows out a slow breath. “Too many and not enough,” he says wryly. “My mum ended up being a single parent after my deadbeat dad walked out on us, so I had to grow up pretty fast. She’d have to work several jobs just to keep a roof over our heads until I got a scholarship to a fancy boarding school and she didn’t have to worry about me as much. That’s actually where I met Rhys and Alex.”
A small smile plays on his lips and there’s a wistfulness in his eyes before he shakes his head. “But to answer your question. During my time as a paramedic, I’ve stared down teenagers who were off their heads on drugs while pointing a gun at my head and I’ve been stabbed a few times.” He shrugs, like it’s no big deal that someone shoved a knife into his body in order to kill him.Several times. “Been threatened more times than I can count. Witnessed people suffering and dying in horrific and painful ways, including several kids.”
I just stare at him, mouth agape. “How are you so relaxed after all the crap that you’ve seen and had happen to you? Hell, you’ve been through more than I have and I’m a mess compared to you.” Fuck. I need to get my shit together.
Theo shakes his head. “Trauma isn’t a competition, Ollie. People react in different ways to the horrific things that happen to them, and what might traumatise one person might not even register with another. Everyone’s different.”
I wrinkle my nose, still not convinced.
He chuckles and rubs his thumb between my eyes, smoothing out the skin. “What you went through was awful, but I’m honestly in awe of how strong and resilient you are.”
“Me? Strong and resilient?” I scoff with a roll of my eyes and turn my head away. “Have you not been paying attention? I’m nowhere near any of that.”
He grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I have been paying attention, which is why I know you are those things andmore. Ollie, you’re risking your life to save your brother and a woman you’ve never met. You saved our lives more than once and you even fought your way free today. Yes, you’ve had to take lives in order to do it and I hate that you’ve had to. But Ollie, you are the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
He looks at me with such sincerity that Iwantto believe him. To be this wonderful version of myself that he sees, but I’m just not that person. “I’m not brave, Theo. I freaked out after stabbing that guy in the back to save Rhys, and I did the same after I killed Ethan. If I was on my own, I’d be dead. That’s not brave.”
“Remember what I said that first night we were together?”
I try to, but it’s hard with everything whirling in my brain, so I shake my head.
“I told you that even though we all rely on luck to survive in this fucked up world, when our luck runs out, we have each other’s backs. Well, that includes yours, Ollie. What Rhys and Alex did was have your back when your luck ran out, just like you’ve had ours since the day we met you.”
“But...”
He cuts me off by pressing his thumb to my mouth. “I know what you’re going to say, and I’m going to stop you right there. Bravery isn’t the absence of fear; it’s doing something despite it and you, princess, are probably the bravest person I know.”
My lips part and his thumb dips past them. Without thinking, my tongue darts out and brushes against the pad of his thumb. His eyes darken, smouldering with desire as he leans closer, his breath fanning against my face as his gaze flicks down to my mouth.
“I really want to fucking kiss you right now,” he says, his voice deeper, huskier than it was before that has a bolt of arousal racing straight to my clit.
My breath catches as he pulls his thumb from my mouth and caresses my bottom lip. My body trembles as my blood blazes with desire and heat pools between my thighs.
“Please tell me I can.” He’s almost begging as his eyes follow the motion of his thumb with a naked hunger I’ve never seen in a man’s eyes before.
I should refuse and keep trying to put this wall between us, especially since Alex is insistent on claiming me as his andonlyhis. But fuck if I don’t want Theo as well. The man has been nothing but sweet andsupportive to me. My light in the darkness of my horrific memories and guilt. While Alex is my big, strong protector; Theo is my rock and my confidant. I know I can tell him anything and he won’t judge me.
Fuck it.
“Kiss me,” I whisper breathlessly.
Theo doesn’t hesitate. He removes his thumb and crashes his lips against mine.
His kiss is different to Alex’s. While Alex kisses me with raw, unfiltered passion and need, Theo is more playful and teasing. He goes from lightly sipping at my lips to deepening it before lightening it once again, always keeping me on my toes. His tongue darts out to brush against my lower lip, only to retreat when I open my mouth to let him in.
He does this several times until finally his tongue passes between my lips and twines with mine with such sensuality that my entire body jolts. I moan, my hands coming up to grasp his shoulders as my body shifts restlessly in my sleeping bag. My clit throbs with need and I press my thighs together to try to relieve the ache.
Theo pulls back and kisses his way along my jaw to my ear. “Fuck,” he groans as his lips find a sensitive spot on my neck that has me whimpering. “Your kisses are like a fucking drug, princess. No wonder Alex is desperate for more.”
“Please,” I gasp, not really knowing what I’m asking for, but needing it all the same.
