I swore I’d keep my distance from these men, and yet here I am, quietly crying into my sleeping bag. At least the thick darkness of the living room is hiding my tears from the guys.
Maybe this is for the best. Now they know I’m broken, they’ll keep their distance from me and I don’t have to worry about them shattering my heart. But, if that’s the case, then why did Alex kiss me back when he already knows my secret? Is he only looking for a quick, easy fuck? Have I read him completely wrong?
Nope. Stop thinking about it. You’ll only make things worse!
“Ollie? Are you okay?” Theo asks in the darkness, his voice thick from sleep.
It’s then that I realise that I’ve been sniffing and sobbing pitifully into my sleeping bag. So much for hiding my sorrow from the guys. I stay silent, listening and hoping Theo will just go back to sleep. Judging from the slow, even breaths in the room, Alex is still asleep and I’m pretty sure Rhys is upstairs keeping watch like he always does. Sometimes I wonder if he’s even human, considering he barely sleeps.
“Ollie?” Theo asks again, sounding more awake this time.
There’s a rustling sound, followed by the soft padding of socked feet on the hardwood floor of the room. A moment later, a warm body drops next to me and something brushes my face, feathery-soft. “What’s wrong?” The genuine concern in his voice breaks my resolve and more tears stream down my cheeks.
“I fucked up,” I whisper, and bite back a sob.
Calloused fingers ghost over my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “How so?”
The words spill from my lips in a jumbled mess. “I kissed Alex and I shouldn’t have. It’s pissed Rhys off and I’m pretty sure the only reason Alex kissed me back is because he wants a quick fuck. It’s the only way he could when—” I choke on a sob. “Everyone always leaves. In the beginning, they’re always fine with myissues,but eventually, they realise they aren’t and want someone who isn’t broken.”
Theo moves his fingers to my hair and strokes the unruly strands from my face. “You’re not broken, Ollie,” he says softly. “And anyone who thinks that doesn’t deserve you.”
“I wish I could believe you,” I say bitterly. “And maybe I would if it’d only happened once or twice, but it hasn’t. It’s happened several timeswith several men. Hell, I had a man willing to marry me until he realised what thatactuallymeant and left me at the altar.” Remembering Gale’s cruel words is like a knife to my chest and more tears trickle down my cheeks.
Theo’s hand tightens in my hair for a moment before relaxing. “That man is a fucking idiot and he better hope he never meets me because he threw away what is probably the best thing that ever happened to him.” There’s a dangerous edge to his voice that I’ve never heard before. Gone is the playfulness I associate with Theo, replaced with dark deadliness that promises violence and pain.
I shiver. “You don’t know that.”
“Idoknow that and more. I meant what I said yesterday, Ollie; you are a remarkable woman and any man would be lucky to have you.” He pauses. “Or several men.” He says that last part so softly that I almost think I’m mishearing things because there’s no way he means that. I can’t keep one man, let alone several.
No, it must be my imagination.
I sigh. “Still doesn’t change the fact that I shouldn’t have kissed Alex like I did.”
Theo shifts, his knee brushing against the top of my head before his fingers thread through my hair. “Why not? Did he not want it?”
I recall the feel of his hard cock against my stomach and his growls as he pressed me back against the wall and devoured my mouth like a starving man. I shiver as a bolt of desire shoots straight to my clit. “That’s not the issue.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Thanks to the darkness blanketing the room, I can’t see his face, which is the only reason I say what I say next. “Aren’t you mad I kissed him, andnot you?” I ask softly into the inky blackness. “It seemed like you… liked me, at the Lodge. Or was that just part of the fake boyfriend act?” Have I read him completely wrong?
“No, Ollie, it wasn’t part of the act and I’m not mad.” He sighs and his hand stills in my hair. “There are some things that happened between the three of us in the past. Things that almost tore us apart because they were so painful. I’ve moved on from it, but Rhys and Alex still cling to that pain.”
My brow furrows in confusion. “What does that have to do with me kissing Alex, or you somehow not being mad about it like Rhys is?”
There’s a long stretch of silence, so long that I wonder if he’s fallen asleep on me. And then he speaks. “There was a woman.”
“A woman? Just one?”
He hums. “Just one. But back then, she was everything to us.”
“Us? You mean… the three of you…?”
“Shared her? Yes. It made sense at the time. Rhys was constantly in and out of the country, Alex was often busy with training and rugby matches, and I had long hours as a paramedic and MMA instructor. But between the three of us, we could give Willow what she needed, at least for a short time.”
I lie there, gawking at Theo’s shadow, my mind unable to process his words. Out ofeverythinghe could have told me, telling me he and the others had once shared a woman is thelastthing I expected. That shit only happens in books and yet he just comes out with it, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Should I be disgusted? Jealous? Turned on? Curious? I don’t have a fucking clue, and that alone is enough to freak me out.
