Mariah tightened her jaw. Resolve flooded her—and yes, it was resolve born from hate and anger and vengeance. All the broken parts of her that she’d never bothered to piece back together, choosing to welcome the pain instead.
“I’m not.”
She put a force into those two words that she knew he heard. He slung his arms back over his knees, shoulders tight, but said nothing further.
Mariah wished he would let it go. He would follow her no matter what; of that she was more than certain. She knew he trusted her.
His fear—the fear she could feel, too—was starting to hurt, when all she craved was focused numbness.
“It’s barely sunrise and you’re already fighting?” Matheo grumbled, steps heavy in the grass. “I suppose the honeymoon phase had to end sometime.” He dropped heavily to the ground on Mariah’s other side, rubbing at his eyes with a yawn.
Though Mariah was still frustrated, still worried, still feelingtoo much, she couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
“We’re not fighting,” she said. “Just talking.”
Matheo snorted. “Right.” There was humor in his words, but Mariah didn’t miss the way his hazel eyes glazed over. Like he was thinking about something—or someone—he wished were here but wasn’t.
“I’m happy for you, you know.”
Matheo’s cheeks flushed with color. “I, um…” He cleared his throat. “Why?”
Mariah bumped her shoulder into his, laughing softly. “You know why.”
Matheo rubbed the back of his neck, his blush crawling higher into his cheeks. “I didn’t think you noticed.”
“What, that you were following Signe around like a puppy with stars in your eyes?” She scoffed. “Of course, I noticed. And it makes me happy.”
Matheo met her gaze. Though he was a few years older than her, at that moment, he looked younger than Ellan. “Really? It does?”
“Yes, Matheo.” Mariah grabbed his wrist, looping her arm through his. “It makes me happy to see you happy. You deserve that—youalldeserve that. When this is over, I hope you let yourself have it. It’s a special kind of magic to find someone who sees all of you and loves you for it.”
The smile Matheo gave her was blinding. “Yousee me, Mariah.”
“I’m your queen. Of course, I see you.” She squeezed his arm. “But Signe can give you something that I can’t. And I hope that if it's something you want, you’ll take it.”
The three of them fell back into an easy silence, the tenseness from earlier washed away by Matheo’s warmth. The sun crawled higher into the sky, chasing away the lingering night.
“Have you checked in on the others?” Matheo asked, his question nearly making Mariah jump.
She swallowed heavily. No, she hadn’t. She wished there was a good reason that she hadn’t opened her bonds, but the truth was that she just didn’t want to. She didn’t want to know how bad it was. She didn’t want to feel their misery, their terror, their uncertainty.
She knew it made her a terrible person. A horrible queen. She was selfish and despicable and immature and weak. She knew all of this about herself, swam in the knowledge of it, bathed in all the ways she had abandoned them.
This was what the world had made her. It had stolen all those redeeming things about her, replacing them with a single, driving purpose.
Complete this last mission. This final task. End the darkness, so maybe she could one day find the light again.
So she could maybe find the strength to heal.
“Yes. They’re managing. And they need us to end this,” Mariah lied, pushing it past her teeth. She stood, hoping neither of them would notice. “I’ll start readying the horses, if you two can break down camp.”
Matheo grumbled but obeyed, padding back to camp. Andrian lingered for a moment, his gaze on her heavy.
He knew she was lying. He always seemed to know.
He said nothing, though. The sun scorched Mariah’s skin as she readied the horses, her Marks flickering in the heat.
Chapter 83
