“So will I, Ciana.” Sebastian turned to her again, his expression open. “That’s not what I’m saying. I swore my life to her, until the gods call me home, and I have no intentions of ever backing out of that oath.” He paused, settling back in his saddle.
“I’m only saying that we have a duty to keep her from falling further into that darkness. To keep her returning to the light, to remind her that goodness and humanity and mercy will always prevail.”
The breeze tugged a few loose curls from Ciana’s braid. She nodded slowly, adjusting her grip on her reins.
“So,” she said, softly clearing her throat. “Now that that’s settled. Are we ever going to talk about what happened that last day in Verith?”
The air between them thickened. Ciana’s palms began to sweat, sliding over the soft leather reins. She clenched her thighs to keep them from shaking, her mare’s ears twitching in response.
She willed herself to stay calm. What was it she always told Mariah? Time to put her grown-ass Lady panties on?
“Ciana,” Sebastian began slowly, and the pain in his voice squashed all her resolve. She turned to him, meeting that hazel stare, running her eyes over his handsome, familiar face.
She waited for him to continue, lips parting with her shaky breaths.
“Ciana,” he said again, andgodsthe way he said her name made her want to cry. Why did it always have to sound like an apology or like he was saying goodbye?
“I don’t know what to say.” His brow furrowed slightly. “I don’t know what to do. You heard what I just told you about what happened in Khento. You’veseenMariah. There was so much loss, so much failure—” He hung his head, eyes shuttering closed.
“I thought I’d dealt with the worst of my failures as an Armature when Mariah was taken. But somehow, all this is so much worse. We got our queen out, but at what cost? She lost her mom, she lost the man she loves differently than the rest of us, and now, she tells us she lost her magic, too.” Sebastian’s voice cracked. “What am I supposed to do, knowing how badly I failed her?”
Ciana’s heart broke. The desert breeze brushing her cheeks told her that she was crying, a tear slipping down her skin. “Oh,Sebastian. You didn’t fail. None of what happened has ever been your fault?—”
“That’s not the point, Ciana,” he said, eyes flashing. “How can I protect you if I can’t even protect my own queen?”
“You don’t need to protect me, Seb,” Ciana murmured. “I’ve been protecting myself far longer than I’ve known you.”
Sebastian shook his head. “It’s who I am. If I’m with you, Ciana, I will protect you. I have to.”
“Is that not what you do already?” she asked. “You protect us—me—even now. Even before that day in Verith. I’ve always trusted you to do that, even when you didn’t have to.”
“It would be different.” His voice was pained, like saying the words broke something in him. “I can’t… I don’t deserve you, Ciana. Not right now. Not yet.”
Something in that made Ciana’s spine prickle. Heat rushed into her cheeks, but not the good kind.
Theangrykind.
“I may be younger than you, Sebastian,” she said, her words icy, “but I can make decisions on my own. I’ve endured things that no girl ever should. And I promise you, I am more than capable of deciding what I do and don’t deserve.”
Sebastian’s eyes widened, jaw falling open. Distantly, she felt the winds stir around her, lifting more curls from around her face.
“Ciana, that’s not?—”
She didn’t wait to hear what he had to say. She pressed her heels into her mare’s flank, clicking to her softly, and galloped away.
Chapter 7
They flew over the sandstone buildings of Desva, early afternoon sun warm on Mariah’s skin. She shifted between Rulene’s scales as the goddess caught an updraft, banking toward the outskirts of the city and Amasis’sserekah.
The pale-blue dragon landed heavily on the packed sands outside the elegant manor. Her wings stirred the hot air, Callamus settling nearby. Mariah and her court—Ciana and Sebastian excluded—slid from their backs, Trefor looking particularly thankful to be back on solid land.
“We will return shortly.”
Mariah turned at Rulene’s neutral tone. “Where are you going?”
“To deal with Priam.” The day sky goddess blinked her large, golden eyes. “He needs to offer us more about why, exactly, he thought rounding up Onitans and bringing them here without informing Callamus or me was a good idea.”
Mariah frowned. “Do you want me to come?”
