None of those things felt right. None of those things were what she truly wanted to know.
She’d never minced her words; especially not with him. If there was one thing they’d always been good at, it was their honesty.
Sort of.
Mariah drew in a breath and asked the only thing she desperately needed to know.
“What happened to you in Khento?”
Andrian stilled. Even the rise and fall of his chest ceased. The muscles in his arms tensed, shadows coiling down his shoulders.
His eyes fluttered closed, and he heaved a massive exhale. He quietly closed his book and slid it to the ground beside him, too fast for Mariah to see the cover. Leaning forward, he rested an elbow on his bent knee, and when he reopened his eyes, his gaze didn’t meet hers.
“You shouldn’t have found me,” he finally said, so quiet she almost missed it.
Mariah crossed her arms. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
“No,” Andrian said. “But it’s the truth. You shouldn’t have found me.” He paused. “I shouldn’t have found you. You aren’t safe with me, Mariah.”
“Why?” she pressed. “Because of your connection to Kol? I burned that out of you. The day we bonded, I removed him. You’re free of him, Andrian.”
He didn’t answer. Only pressed his full lips into a thin line, head falling forward so the dark strands of his hair brushed across his brow.
Mariah stepped further into the tent, irritation flashing through her. She knew it was unfair of her to feel that way—he’d been very upfront, over and over again, about how little he valued himself or his own existence.
That didn’t mean she had to tolerate it. Not anymore. He washers.
“I know there’s more.” She sat beside him on the bedrolls. Not close enough to touch, but close enough for his rain and sandalwood scent to hit her. “Just tell me.”
Andrian slowly lifted his head. Gods, she wanted to fall into him every time he looked at her.
Would that feeling ever end?
He parted his lips, then closed them, brow twisting. More frustration bubbled up in Mariah until he ran a lazy hand through his hair, heaving another sigh.
“Do you trust Callamus?”
Mariah blinked. Of all the questions, that certainly hadn’t been what she expected. “I do.”
Andrian nodded. “I do, too.” Silence, then: “Are all the gods awake?”
There it was. The one question that would lead to an answer Mariah didn’t want to give. One she’d been avoiding for weeks, toeing right up to the line and then sprinting away.
She gave it anyway. Because she was tired of running.
“Yes,” she said quietly, voice cracking into a whisper. “Yes, they’re all awake. Because…because of me.”
Memories flooded her before she could stop them. Gods, she’d been so good at holding it all back. But it was as if being here, being alone with him, had her heart cracking open and pouring forth all those things she’d fought so hard to keep buried.
The sobs of terror from her brother.
The bellows of rage from her father.
The gasps of horror from the crowd.
Thedrip, drip, dripof her mother’s blood.
The dam holding everything at bay crumbled. For the true first time since that fateful, terrible day, Mariah tucked her legs into her chest and let herselffeel.
