— in darkness, creeps —
One
Was there anything sexier than breaking into someone’s house in the middle of the night? Moving from room to room in the darkness. Touching their special, secret, private things...
Course there wasn’t.
Andrew paused on the top step, listening.
Because sometimes these rich wanks had very big, very angry dogs – and it didn’t matter how carefully you scoped out their gaffs, you could always be surprised by a four-legged shredding machine with a taste for home invaders.
But the only sound was his breath,whooshingandhissinginside the ski-mask.
No sign of Fido.
Safe to step onto the landing.
A wee balcony overlooked the fancy double-height open hallway, with its fancy floor-to-ceiling windows, and fancy countryside view bathed in low, cold moonlight. There was even a fancy scroll-edged mirror at the top of the fancy stairs, and for a moment the world turned from a grainy green glow to a flare of bright white as the infrared LEDs on his night-vision goggles caught the shiny surface. Then the sensors adjusted, fading everything down again, revealing Andrew’s reflection in all its horror-film glory.
A shark’s-tooth grin beamed back at him, printed across theski-mask’s mouth in jagged glow-in-the-dark fangs. Ready to party.
He paused for a quick flex, but the effect was kinda spoiled by the baggy black hoodie, black combat trousers, black boots, and little black rucksack – because everyone needed somewhere to keep their cable-ties, duct tape, and Rohypnol. Oh, and The Knife, of course. Can’t forgetThe Knife.
Shame the goggles and mask hid his pretty face. What was the point of all that time in the gym, the Botox, plucking, manscaping, and moisturising if no one could see it? But lots of these places had nanny-cams and home surveillance things.
Which was a shame.
People should be more trusting.
Andrew ran his gloved fingertips along the handrail, like it was a woman’s thigh and he’s heading for the panty line. The black nitrile making a faint,judderingsqueal. Keeping his voice nice and low: ‘Come out, come out, wherever you are...’
The landing boasted half a dozen doors, but other than the mirror, there were no little personal touches. No pictures. No paintings. Kinda sad really.
He picked the nearest door and eased it open, peering into a family bathroom with lots of chrome and tiles. Tres swanky. Even if the medicine cabinet revealed nothing more exciting than a unicorn-themed electric toothbrush and a tube of ‘RASPLE-BERRYTOOTHTASTICTOOTHPASTE!’ that looked like the Glitter Fairy puked on it.
The next door opened on an unfinished bedroom: metal bed frame and a bare mattress; no curtains; two flat-pack bedside cabinets, one of which was still in the box. Naked lightbulb dangling from the ceiling rose.
No fun there.
Next to that was another spare bedroom, but the lazy cow hadn’t even finished assembling the bed frame. No mattress.Instead, the place was packed with cardboard boxes, each stamped with ‘BEARSDENHOMERELOCATIONSERVICESLTD’ and a label to show which room it should’ve been left in. None of which were ‘UNFINISHEDBEDROOM’ so either the movers couldn’t be arsed putting them in the right place, or the woman of the house couldn’t be arsed unpacking and dumped the lot through here instead. Still taped shut from the time she moved in.
Andrew slipped his rucksack off, pulled The Knife from its side pocket: six inches of blackened steel with a serrated edge, concealed inside a hard plastic sheath. Perfect for keeping the lucky ladies quiet while he gave them their little ‘treat’.
He slid the blade free, and slit open the tape on a box marked ‘STUDY’.
Books.
And really boring ones at that.
He had a wee rummage, but they were all called things like ‘INFORMATIONMANAGEMENTINA DIGITALENVIRONMENT’, ‘MAKINGTHEGENERALDATAPROTECTIONREGULATIONSWORKFOR YOURORGANISATION’, and ‘NEWSTOPIA (SELECTIVE-DISSEMINATIONSTRATEGIESFOR“CONTROLLINGTHENARRATIVE” & REDIRECTINGPUBLICDISCOURSETOWARDSFAVOURABLEOUTCOMES)’.
Sod that.
He closed the box again, then dumped another one on top, so no one could see he’d been in here.
Popped The Knife in his hoodie pocket.
Shut the door behind him and tried somewhere else.
