“Do you want to see?”
“Uh no. I’ll take your word for it.”
“You’re no fun. Drew is the biggest, Noah has more girth, and Theo is perfect. I like to think they were made for me because they all fit perfectly. It’s a little uncomfortable taking two at the same time, but when we get moving, I see fucking stars.”
Annika laughed at me as I cringed, trying to picture how she would be sandwiched between them. “Okay, nope. Not thinking about that.”
Everly laughed uproariously. “Babe, you have the perfect opportunity to watch her and her men up close and personal, maybe even join in.”
“I like to consider Annika my best friend, and besties might have benefits, but not with her boyfriends.”
“I meaaaaan,” Annika exaggerated, “if you really wanted to.”
“No. I love you, but nope.”
“If you ever change your mind, you know where we sleep.”
We all laughed and chatted, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching me—the same person who was always on my mind. I started to think I was losing it, believing there was a spark between us when she clearly hated me. There was this growing desire in my chest that wanted to be close to her, to talk with her, and find out everything about her. I wanted to know her story, the reason she had this lost look in her eye that she constantly tried to hide with her dominating force.
I had a crush. It was the only way I could describe the feeling in my chest. This feeling was odd, especially for a person who didn’t want me, but I’d always had horrible taste in people. Blaize wasn’t the same as Dom. No one would ever be like him. I couldn’t help the flutter in my stomach whenever I saw her and the rare occasion we had a conversation. My heart did a little dance, and suddenly, the world around me faded. This schoolgirl crush was pointless. Nothing was going to happen between the two of us.
There was no reason I should feel like this. Blaize hated me. Even if she did react the same way to my school girl crush, Blaize stated more than once she didn’t trust me. Besides, being with someone involved trauma dumping twenty-three years worth of shit I had yet to process myself.
The morningbefore going to Hades, I decided to run by the Reapers’ clubhouse. It had been two weeks since I last saw Layla and everyone else. Most of the Reapers were gone, but Layla and a few girls from the club were there.
I wondered if Hawke was here. In the almost two months I’d known him, he was like my dad—better than my dad. He checked in on me every morning, asking how I was doing and how I felt. It was nice having someone who actually cared for me, even though I barely knew him, and I was pretty sure he killed people with his bare hands.
I didn’t know if it was stereotypical of me to think since he was a co-founder of a biker gang. For all I know, he could rescue puppies and help old ladies cross the street. I knew he made me feel safe and not in a romantic way, as Blaize thought. I never had a man step up and be a father until I met Hawke and instantly connected with him. Fallon didn’t give motherly vibes. She gave hyperactive older sister vibes, but she was nice and she liked me.
Layla was in the main room playing pool with another girl while Ranger and Sin stared at Layla’s ass. I watched for a moment as Layla hit the white pool ball four times in a row, making stripes in each time and winning the game. The woman she played with looked dumbfounded as she clapped.
She turned, her eyes meeting mine as a smile spread across her lips. “Kadence!”
“Hey.” Layla leaped into my arms. “I decided to come and visit. I missed you.”
“I missed you! This is my friend Anna. She occasionally comes to visit me from Cali.” We greeted each other. “Do you want to play around of pool?”
I laughed, shaking my head. “Uhh, with how I saw you kick her ass, no offense, I’m good. I’ve played pool once, and it was horrible.”
“Layla is the queen of pool. She beat several dudes back home who thought they reigned supreme,” Anna chimed. “I only play because I’m forced to.”
Layla and I caught up. I told her how everything was at the club, and how I met Annika and her guys. The only thing I didn’t include was how I felt about Blaize and my growing feelings for the moody, unattainable woman. I hated emotions and feelings.
“You know you could’ve stayed here,” Layla pouted.
I smiled, taking the coffee cup into my hands. “I know, but I felt like I was imposing on everyone, and then I met Annika. She’s really sweet.”
“Annika is an angel, and her guys are awesome. I’m glad you’re happy, though.”
“I’m getting there. How are you?”
“Good. Sin and Ranger are planning a trip for our anniversary. I’m in paradise.”
Anna scoffed playfully. “She got good dick and ditched me. I feel absolutely betrayed.”
“Hey now, I offered a Reaper and you said no because of law school, so,” Layla shrugged.
It was easy falling into a routine of laughs and friendship now that I wasn’t in survival mode. I was still struggling daily, but being around people who didn’t drain the life from me made life easier.
