Eventually, I drag myself to bed, my body aching in that bone-deep way that comes from too many hours on the road and too many thoughts in my head.
I pull out my phone and plug it in, but see a text from Dad.
Dad:Thanks for letting me know you arrived safe.
I stare at it for a moment, thumb hovering over the screen.Then I type back slowly.
Me:I miss you.
I hit send before I can talk myself out of it, then set the phone down on my chest, close my eyes, and let the silence hold me.
Dad:I miss you too.
The text makes me smile, but it sits heavy in my chest too.I bet his house is quiet now.
Hopefully, Nancy keeps him busy.He’s not great on his own.I’d hate to see him slip back into that bitter, lonely version of himself.
I hover over Brant’s contact, thumb twitching with the urge to send him a message.Just a simpleI wish we could’ve talked before I left.
But it feels… wrong.Like I’d be reaching backward when I’m supposed to be moving forward.
So I don’t.
I put the phone down, crawl under the covers, and try to will myself to sleep.It’s not easy.My thoughts won’t stop, circling around and around… Brant, work, what I left behind.
Chapter 34
Regan
Ipadintothekitchen, make myself coffee, and sip it by the window while the city hustles outside.New York is louder, faster.I forgot how easy it is to feel both surrounded and alone here.
Mom's already left for work, leaving me with the place to myself.I strangely miss the mornings when Dad was in the kitchen in his chair and greeted me with a grunted hello.
Eventually, I pull out my phone and text a few friends, seeing if anyone’s around.Luckily, Liz is free.We agree to meet for lunch at a rooftop lounge as an excuse for fresh air and maybe a cheeky cocktail or two.
I take my time getting dressed, deciding on simple blue jeans, boots, coat, and a scarf.As I step outside, the edge of the city greets me with the usual sounds and smells: buses, horns, chatter, footsteps, and the fumes from buses and cars.Then start my walk toward the subway.
I arrive at 38th & 6th, where there’s an upscale rooftop with string lights and great cocktails.The perfect place for catching up with a friend.The only thing is, my mind goes back to Pulse Point.No one here knows who I am… or cares.The people in Pulse Point care.
Liz is at a corner table, and she waves me over with a grin.
“Welcome back.”She pulls me into a tight hug, showing me she missed me.
I take a seat in the chair across from her, and a server appears almost immediately.And we order winter classic martinis.
“Tell me everything.”She leans forward, her chin propped in her hands.“And I mean everything.”
We fall into the easy conversation that we’ve always had, talking over each other as we try to catch up on months of missed conversation.She tells me about the rotation shift she finally got, and how her attending physician is still an asshole, but at least now she doesn’t have to see him.
When our cocktails arrive, Liz raises her glass.“To surviving our residency.”
“Cheers to that.”
The martini is clean and crisp, and it instantly reminds me of Brant’s aftershave.I miss him, and the tension that I was carrying creeps in, so I focus back on her.We talk about work a little more before we switch to life.She actually bought a new apartment because the previous neighbors think three in the morning is a great time to have an argument.
“And what about that guy from your hot Pilates class?”I ask, stirring my drink with the tiny silver spoon.
“Oh God, don’t even get me started.”She goes on to tell me about how he was normal until the fifth date, when he refused to tip their server and said it was optional.
