I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and turn towards the pond, swimming back to the edge. I know my dress is still drenched, but at this point, I feel defeated. I don’t really care if he sees my body right now. So I just walk out of the water without even trying to cover myself and head to the cave, grabbing the spare tunic I used to sleep in and pulling it on. It almost reaches my knees, so technically it covers more than my night dress does.
I wonder what Brax would do if he saw me wearing this with nothing underneath. Would he pull it off me to get access to my body? Or would he skim his hands up my sides, feeling me without removing it? The thought of him, and my other two men, has me feeling sad and hopeless. I decide to use the last of the daylight to look for them. So I move to the western edge of the oasis and stare out into the never ending sand, hoping to see some small dark spot that could be one of them. But I see nothing. Slowly, while staying in the shade of the trees, I move around the perimeter, hoping for a sign. But as usual, there is nothing out there.
“Where are you guys?” I whisper into the empty desert.
I’m trying to survive here, to make Apollo think of me as something other than ajob. But he doesn’t care for my company at all. I’m so worried about how disappointed Indy will be when he gets here. To see how much we don’t get along. I don’t think there is the slightest chance of Apollo coming with us right now. And it’s all my fault. I have no idea how to get through to the big lug.
When I return to the campsite, Apollo has started the fire, and I kick myself for being away so long that I missed it. I watch as he starts to skewer the meat and get another idea. “Can I help cook that?”
“What?” he asks, freezing his action to look at me with a frown.
I motion to his hands. “Can I help cook dinner?”
“Why?” He looks at me, confused.
“Because I want to help.”
“No.” He continues to skewer the meat before placing it over the fire.
“No?” I ask, and when he doesn’t answer, I can feel myself getting more and more frustrated. He’s giving me nothing to work with here. I hadn’t said a single mean thing to him and yet he treats me like some annoying pest.
Finally unable to take his attitude anymore, I blurt out, “Why do you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you, I’m just trying to take care of you,” he says without so much as a glance in my direction.
I clench my fists as I grit out, “Take care of me? You call this taking care of me? You either ignore me or yell at me.”
“I’m just doing what’s best for you.”
“What’s best for me?” I ask in disbelief. “You don’t get to act like you know what’s best for me when you don’t even know me.”
“I know enough.” I’m not sure if it’s his words that annoy me more, or how calm he sounds, when I feel like I’m about toblow a gasket.
“Enlighten me, oh wise one, tell me what you know?”
He finally turns to face me with a cold expression on his face. “I know your type. You may not have married for money, but you did marry so you don’t have to be alone.” My nostrils flare as I try to mask the shock on my face, his words hitting me harder than I’d like to admit. “I know you’re a spoiled brat and are used to getting what you want. I know you don’t consider other people’s feelings before you act, especially your mates. You think just because you bring me berries and collect some wood that I’ll suddenly want to spend time with you? I think you’re selfish, frustrating and annoying, and a burden to your mates. Mostly, I’m just surprised my brother would marry someone like you.”
His words are like a slap in the face, no, worse. Like a punch in the gut. My jaw hangs open in disbelief. Does he really believe all those things? It’s like he wrote a list of my biggest insecurities and just threw them all at me at once. I close my mouth and try to reel in my emotions, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry, of knowing how well his words hit their mark.
I say my next words calmly, trying not to let any emotion through.“Well, maybe you don’t know your brother as well as you thought you did then. Did you know he’s spent the last nine years looking for you? That as soon as we finished our current mission, we were going to come find you?” I stand slowly, watching a frown slowly form on his face.
“But I can see now how pointless that would have been. You clearly don’t care about him, happy to spend all your time alone in the middle of the desert while he searches the entire world for you. Your brotherlovesyou, and has been worried about you all this time, and you clearly don’t give a flying shit. You think I’m the selfish one? Take a look in the mirror, Apollo.”
I calmly turn and walk into the trees behind me, unsure of where I’m going, but knowing I need to get away from him. Hethinks I’m selfish? Just because I don’t always think before I act? Because I sometimes end up in dangerous situations. He doesn’t even know about any of that, he knows nothing about me. He doesn’t even know my fucking name.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
APOLLO
Ifrown in her direction as she calmly walks into the woods.
How dare she callmeselfish? I was here because I was protecting Indy. He never would have gotten a woman as beautiful as her to marry him if we had been a package deal, I’m sure of it.
When I realize she isn’t coming back, I return my gaze to the now burning meat, pulling it from the flames and thinking how it resembles our situation here. Quickly going up in flames. Where was Indy? If she wasn’t here to take care of, I would go out and look for him, but he could be anywhere out there. He may be close to finishing the desert crossing by now, for all I knew.
Had he really been searching for me all this time? Had she really offered to help him look? How much did he tell her? I’ve been trying my hardest to keep my distance from her since she arrived. Not wanting her to see my flaws and associate them with my twin. But somehow I’d shown her the worse possible version of myself.
What had I just said to her? I called her a burden, said I couldn’t believe Indy would be with her. But I didn’t mean any of it. I just wanted to push her away, so I said whatever I could. But the moment those words left my mouth, I regretted it. She tried to hide it, but I saw how much I hurt her. And when she told me about Indy looking for me and her helping, well, now I feel even worse.
