He turned and headed back toward the kill house from hell, and we did what he advised. Getting gone.
The hotel room wasnice enough, but the one bed was a bit of an issue. It wasn’t like we had a fucking sofa for me to sleep on.
“Just sleep beside me, Henley. I know you’ll behave.” Yeah, I’d have the best of intentions, but I’d be so fucking close to her. She’ll feel differently when she’s getting poked by an inconvenient boner, because I’d be hard if I was in the damn bed with her.
“Let me just put the room service dishes outside so they don’t wake us.”
My ride was parked outside, and the rest of the club had headed home. We’d had options, like waiting here long enough for a prospect and a van, but we were both exhausted, and I didn’t want Glory having an audience if she suffered emotionallyafter this, which she really should be. She hadn’t though. No tears, no sorrow, just acceptance. It’d probably hit her at some point, maybe even in her damn dreams. Maybe having me that close tonight would help if that happened.
“Stop dithering, Na… Henley. Oh my god, I was doing so well with that, but you’re acting like you used to.”
“Meaning?” I stared at her from the foot of the bed, where she was half laying, covered up except for her hand, which had the melting ice pack over it.
“You were always so edgy around me, like being too close was distasteful or something. I know I’m just a woman and your friend, but I could do with you being near me tonight.”
I felt like I didn’t just hear her right. Did she seriously think my fucking behaviour back then was because I didn’t want her? I spent those few years trying so hard not to hit on her, or breach any boundaries, because she deserved the friend she’d signed up for, not some predator.
“Glory, and I say this with the utmost respect, are you completely fucking clueless?”
I sat on the bed, my back to her, as I waited to get my head chewed off.
Instead she spoke quietly, almost nervously.
“What are you saying?”
I shot up again, pacing beside the bed.
“You always thought you knew me so well, I mean, I thought you knew me well. I was so sure I was obvious as fucking anything, and this whole time you were just oblivious? I mean, Jesus fuck, I practically drooled after you every time you passed me. Half the time I had a cushion hiding my hard dick, because just being near you was like an aphrodisiac. You seriously think my issue back then was NOT wanting you? Fuck me!”
I dragged both hands through my hair, fighting the urge to get louder, to show more frustration, when I knew both those thingswould scare her, and it was the last thing I wanted. It was just really hard to hold back, because frustration was wound tightly around every moment of those years with her, every touch, every laugh, every look, every fucking meal or movie together. This whole time I was in love with her, and she thought I was being ‘hands off’? She’s lucky I had enough fucking control over myself to not keep humping her leg like a fucking dog!
Glory
He was pacing relentlessly,messing with his hair, and muttering to himself. All things I’d seen many times in our years together. Agitation. That was what it was, and I could see he was trying to rein it all in, but he was edgier than he’d ever been, at least as far as I’d seen. Was it just who he’d always been? Was it some darker side of him that he’d hidden? Was it something that had developed from hanging with other biker guys?
“Nate?” I groaned. “Henley? Will you just get in the damn bed?” I wanted him to, because even edgy and unnerving, he was still my safe place. Still the person I’d always run to, even if right now I wasn’t sure exactly what his mood truly was. Was he hiding rage? Was there a deeper dark side that he’d always held back? Or was it literally what he was hinting at? He had feelings for me?
“Henley? You were into me back then?”
“YES!” He hissed the word so sharply that it struck like a weapon, a shock to my system. Not the word as such, but the factthat he was admitting the one thing I probably wasn’t ready to hear, because it’d make what I said to Lissa a fact. I went through hell for nothing. That’s what it boiled down to.
“Seriously?” I clenched both fists, yelping with pain as the bruised one screamed at me, and that brought him to my side instantly, gently laying my hand back down and replacing the ice pack.
“You can’t have more pills for an hour,” he said, his tone fully back to caring and concerned.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him, and I know, I just know he considered playing dumb and pretending I was talking about the pills, but then his shoulders sagged a little. He did make eye contact at least, the warm browns brimming with sorrow.
“I was a coward. Haven’t you worked that out yet? That’s my thing. I’m weak, and I’m a coward. I don’t speak up about shit like being in love, I just keep telling myself my feelings aren’t your burden, and I hide. I bury my head and pretend it’s not happening, because I’m cheating myself out of what I want, but I know it’s not just down to me, and that’s how I keep missing out on life, and it passes me by, and-”
“Shh!” I lifted my good hand and cut off the babbling or we’d be up all night, and not in the good way.
“You loved me back then?”
His lips relaxed into an easy smile, beautiful in its suddenness.
“I’ve always loved you.”
“No. I mean, ‘in love’ with me?”
