“In this man cave I’ve heard so much about?” Grease headed straight in that direction, and I cursed.
“What is with you guys and no respect for my home?”
He was already prodding the wall for the secret catch, which he found way too fast. I felt like I was losing control of everything. The situation, Glory’s safety and wellbeing, my fucking home, the lack of a permanent place with the club. It was all crushing me, and I lost my temper, kicking one of the dining chairs into the wall with a crash. They all stopped what they were doing, turning to eye me warily.
“FUCK!”
“Okay, man. Just breathe. It’s all going to be fine,” Rocket said, approaching me with his hands in front of him, like he thought I’d attack.
“Fuckkkk,” the word felt like it was pushed from my lungs with the last of my air, and I gasped after, like I was waiting for it to be replenished, and there was nothing. Just nothing.
“Grease, set up here for now. Close that door, and leave her safe down there. She doesn’t know you,” Harley said softly, and Grease immediately followed his instructions. I was guided into a chair, and a gentle hand pressed down on my back, like maybe they thought I was about to pass out like a pussy. I wasn’t. I just couldn’t fucking breathe!
“Shhh… it’s okay, brother. She’s safe, okay? Nothing and nobody can get to her. They have to go through all of us,” Harleysaid, murmuring something to Rocket, who stepped away from us, leaving just Harley’s boots in front of me. He kept his hand on my back, and I didn’t move. It’s hard to fucking move when there’s no air. Why is there no fucking air?
“Small breaths, brother. Just a little air. You can do it.” He moved the chair beside me, and dropped into it, his hand never leaving me.
“This is anxiety and it’s completely fucking terrifying, but it passes, okay? This is all going to be okay. She’s fine. We’re fine. Can you just breathe for me?”
Little gasps of air were reaching me, like I’d forgotten how to take a proper breath, and I felt lightheaded, my palms trembling, fuck, my face was tingling, and it seemed like this would never pass. How could I protect her like this? How could I keep Glory safe, when I couldn’t even man up and get past this pathetic panic response?
“I’m set up. Nothing’s changed, I’m just hooking up with Ice,” Grease’s low murmur reached my ears, but the words weren’t really sinking in.
“Here,” someone set a glass of water beside me, and I tried taking a deeper breath, just wanting some fucking air in my lungs.
“Shall I punch him? That usually fixes shit.”
A snort escaped me, and then just like that, a full breath. Air. A chuckle came next, followed by an actual laugh, and then that turned shamefully into something more like a sob, and I cursed. I lurched out of that seat and staggered out of the room, leaning against the living room wall as my balance slowly returned to me. Fuck. No wonder I wasn’t getting patched in anytime soon. What a pussy. I’m supposed to be strong for her. Was this strength? Like fuck.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Harley said, leaning against the doorframe to give me space. It wasn’t enoughthough. He could see my weakness, and I thought I’d been hiding it so well.
“Ashamed would be a better word,” I said softly, surprised that my breathing was finally back to normal. I hadn’t noticed it happening in all my self-recrimination and frustration.
Harley chuckled, scratching his jaw as he walked into the room and dropped onto the sofa opposite my new best friend, the wall.
“You know, it’s a funny thing. We all do our best to appear strong, and show our best manly selves to everyone, but you know who gets our softer side? Our gentle side? Maybe what you’d call our human side? Our women. And you know what can reduce any of us to a panicked mess, and HAS DONE on more than one occasion? Threats to our women. This isn’t you being weak. This is you feeling the fear of failing her, but you’re not going to. You know how I know? Because you’re a badass, brother. Remember how we first met?”
I snorted, straightening up more as the strength seemed to be returning to my limbs at last.
“Yeah.”
“I mean, here I am, getting mouthed at by two big fuckers, and the next, one goes flying, and you’re sitting on him. He barely had a chance to blink, and you had him down. You didn’t flinch or worry about anything, you just acted. That’s who you are. Defending others, protecting those you care about, and worrying like hell that you won’t get it right. Welcome to humanity, brother. We all get scared. We all worry we’re fucking things up, and we all have our panic moments. I’ve had them. Every fucking man you’ll meet has had them. You were just unlucky to have it happen in front of us. That’s what’s bugging you, but it’s also why it’s good that it happened, because we were there for you.”
“I don’t normally-”
He laughed as he got up again, straightening his belt and smoothing his hands over his cut.
“You don’t. We know that. Now can we get back to saving your woman? Grease and Rocket aren’t really all that good when they’re left to their own devices.”
He wasn’t wrong, but what we found wasn’t what we expected. Sure, Grease was jawing away, but at Ice on the comms, and Rocket had his head in the fridge.
“Looking for something?”
He lifted his head and grinned at me. “Too soon to say I’m helping you find your balls?”
A laugh choked out of me, and I flipped him off. “Dickhead.” His wide grin told me he was relieved his joke had found its mark.
“I’m hungry. Can I just like, grab something?”
