I hesitated for the briefest moment. “You guys call him Henley?”
Lissa shrugged a delicate shoulder.
“Bikers have weird names, trust me. Ice is… well, I mean, that’s weird enough, right? Then there’s Has-Been, and Torch. Then there’s Micro, and believe me he makes it clear his name isn’t for the obvious reasons.”
“What obvious reasons?”
She winked then, and I caught on at last. Oh god. I giggled, and then I froze. What the hell? I held my breath for a second, and when I realised I wasn’t about to get punished for making a sound, I slowly released it.
“You know, anything you say to me is completely confidential. I told you I’m a therapist, didn’t I?” I nodded, and she continued.
“So you can tell me as much or as little as you want to. You can just talk about how you’re feeling now, or you can talk about anything that you’re comfortable with. There’s no wrong way to feel right now. You do get that, I hope? Whatever behaviours you’re exhibiting now, that you didn’t have before you were with your husband, they’re just the tip of the iceberg. You can safely let out everything with me. Your fears, your dreams, your past, your anger, your sorrow. I’m your safe place, and,” she glanced at the doorway briefly, “your bestie, Henley? All he wants is to be that for you too. If he gets upset or loud, it’s only because he’s hurting for you.”
I almost argued. I almost said it’s not his place to hurt for me, but wasn’t that selfish of me? Why couldn’t he feel the way he feels?
Lissa smiled. “I know his feelings aren’t your responsibility, and you have enough weighing on you right now, so I’m only trying to make sure you get that he’s not trying to burden you. Just help to lift that weight. He’s a good man, isn’t he?”
Wasn’t that the question? I knew he was, but then I’d thought Sean was too. I swallowed hard.
“I’m not sure I’m qualified to make that determination anymore.”
Lissa set her plate aside too, tucking her legs under her as she turned in her seat. She looked completely focused on me, but not in a way that made me feel like there was an interrogation light aimed in my face.
“Shall I tell you a secret?” She asked, waiting patiently for me to wade back out of my ever present thoughts and nod.
“Here’s the thing about men. They’re generally good people. They’re generally decent and not predatory. The men in the Phoenix MC? I can categorically tell you there are no bad seedsthere. They get weeded out fast, or put down. Do you get what I’m saying?”
“P-Put down?”
She lifted that shoulder again. “They don’t survive.”
I gasped, lifting a hand to my mouth as two thoughts started warring inside my mind. On the one hand, it sounded like they’d put a stop to someone like Sean, but on the other? She was literally saying there was a whole club of men violent enough to kill. And Nate was one of them now. Just like her man, Ice, even though he’d seemed so gentle and unintimidating.
“Gloria, look at me, babe. I’m not saying you need to fear Phoenix. I’m saying they never EVER turn violence toward women. I’m saying they’ll step between women and a threat any day of the week. I’m saying they’d die to protect a woman. These are men who’d keep you safe no matter what.”
I swallowed again, wondering why my throat was so damn dry all the time.
“Um…”
She waited me out, that patient smile ever present.
“So… if he finds me?”
She grinned wickedly. “He will find a whole ton of trouble instead. He won’t even get near you, Gloria. If he even tries to find you, the club will know. Ice? He’s the best damn hacker you can imagine. He’s already likely to be putting tracers on your ex. He’ll know what he searches for and when. And don’t get me started on when he and Grease work together. It’s insane what they can find out.”
“G-Grease?”
Lissa giggled then, a soft relaxed sound. Another calming effect from her.
“Like I said. Silly names, but shhh don’t tell them I said that.” She winked again.
“I…”
“Let’s get back to how you’re feeling now you’re free, Gloria. You do get that that’s what you are, right? Free. Safe. You can do whatever you want with your life, but don’t think ahead, focus on now. Now you’re stepping out from under the thumb of an abuser, and that’s so hard to do. You did the hardest part, you know. You left. You got away-”
“I had help,” I interrupted, and she nodded.
“Accepting help doesn’t diminish your achievement, Gloria. Accepting help takes strength, so much courage, and it’s a decision. It’s something you chose to do. You wanted out, and you made it happen. Don’t ever forget that you did that. You.”
