Despite who I am, how my life is panned out, it’s her that drives my true madness, and yet brings me a sense of calm.
Her that I can’t get out of my fucking head, and yet try to block out when I see the light leave another’s eyes.
Her that makes me never want to kill another man again, but would destroy them all if they even made a single tear drop from her eye.
And that fucking terrifies me.
Men like me aren’t supposed to have fairytales; we’re supposed to die alone, destined to a life of darkness and misery, turning so cold, love is a word we’d associate with the weak.
If the latter is true, then the glass which encases my heart is about to shatter into a billion particles.
My voice drops to a low rumble as I force the confession past my lips. “I want to tell you something.”
She gulps down a swallow, her jaw working against my palm. “What is it?”
“My true reason for being here is because I couldn’t go another single fucking day without telling you…I love you, but that feels like it diminishes the real depths of that statement.”
Her lips part, like she’s trying to suck every drop of oxygen from the atmosphere as she softens in my hold.
But I don’t let it stop me. I steal it to tell her it all.
“I love you doesn’t even come close to conveying how I feel about you, darling. In fact, it feels like an insult to say those words alone. You are so tangled within my soul, that if I died, it would weep in the afterlife to be freed to find yours. I’ve known you since I was thirteen years old, seen your face almost every single day, and yet since we got together, I’ve seen you in a million different ways. I get homesick when I leave, and it’s not for the smell of the familiar air, it’s for the feel of your heart beating when I hold you to my chest. Because that’s where I belong. You are my everything, Indie. And if all of that can be squeezed into three little words, just know that whenever I say them to you, there’s a thousand more that lie beneath them.”
Her watery eyes blink, a lone tear slipping down the curve of her cheek, and I capture it with a swipe of my thumb.
There’s only two reasons I’ll ever be satisfied seeing my darling cry, and none of them will be because of the pain that I’ve caused.
“You love me?” she breathes, and a laugh pushes past my lips as I drop my forehead to hers.
“If you need me to make it clearer—”
“No.” She swallows, her breathing ghosting against my parted lips. I want to reach closer and taste them all. “No, I’m just trying to work out if I’m dreaming.”
Leaning back, I drop my hands to either side of her to get to her eye level. “This is very much real life, baby.”
“Then here’s my confession.” Her voice wavers, pushing past the emotion as she absorbs the strength to hold my eye contact.
My heart thunders in my chest, fighting the vibrations in my body as my hands fist at either side of her thighs, the droplets of snow instantly melting as they meet the heat of my skin.
“I think I’ve been in love with you from before I was even old enough to understand the word.”
I don’t give her another moment to finish.
Don’t need to. My hand grips the back of her nape as I smash her lips to mine.
I claim her through my kiss. It’s without the permission of her eyes, but knowing she’d give me her all regardless.
It’s the kind that makes the earth feel like it’s shaking, like my soul is unravelling and weaving itself back together with hers.
The kind that makes me never want to stop.
The kind that makes it known that I’d do anything in my power to keep her safe.
19
Indie
master of puppets - metallica
